Does anyone else feel that their mother treats their sons differently than daughters?

Oh, I got lots to say on this! My brother is 5 years older. I don't think either of us were stuck in one place or another. Some days I was the golden, some days he was. Depended on however Mom was feeling that day.

She wanted a girl, but not for the right reasons. She wanted a Mini-Me. I was a living doll to dress up and show off. I wasn't ME, I was an extension of HER. I was never a tomboy but after awhile I was tired of the frilly dresses and bows. Tired of "Show [relative or friend] your dress! Twirl around!". That's when it went downhill. She saw I was not going to be what she expected and it made her crazy. My brother didn't get this pressure; being a boy, of course he wouldn't be like her.

I think some of "my mother hated girls" comes from the mom's own self loathing. My mom acts confident, but really has little self-confidence. She is all about appearances since she feels it's all she has to offer. In their daughters, they see everything they hate about themselves. Some moms are jealous of their daughter's youth or qualities the daughter has that Mom doesn't. Love is a competition to these mothers. If daughter becomes "daddy's little girl", they get angry that daughter gets so much attention and she doesn't. It's twisted.

Also, daughters are often raised to be helpless. I know I was. That we can't make it on our own. Boys are pushed out into the world and less afraid. Girls get taught early on how the world is dangerous and to watch how they dress, act, and so on. Boys, almost never. If a daughter is grown but has no family of her own, she's still considered part of her parents, like she's still a kid. Think of a wedding, when the pastor says “Who gives this woman in marriage?”. I’ve never heard “who gives this MAN in marriage?”. Boys become independent MEN as soon as they’re legal adults.

A friend of mine was born to older parents. They'd had two boys prior and she was an "Oops, I thought it was menopause!" baby. Her mother was narcissistic and smothering. From the time my friend was in high school, her mother would tell her, "Well, I guess you'll be the one taking care of us when we're old and gray." They already WERE old and gray! The boys could go as they pleased, and even told my friend they were glad they were boys, so they wouldn't have to take care of Mom. She'd tell my friend she couldn't make it on her own. What she really meant was "I can't make it on my own, so when I'm widowed you'll need to stay with me." Whaddaya know, friend said hell no and left.

I'm the daughter turned caregiver to being my father who passed some years ago. He did everything for her and I'm in this position. My two brothers, one who is older doesn't drive and my younger one lives about 50 miles away and here I am. I hate not being her daughter just a handyman, driver and medication preparer.
We're discussing homecare but she lost the paperwork that was left by our consultant back in February.
She's doing the weirdest things, she could've called the younger brother to fix her outside faucet but didn't. She said it was too rusty, no way he could've fixed it? He's in heating and plumbing!
So seeing everyone posting makes me feel better, too!
You might think about getting outside help so you can repair your relationship with your mother? I'm hoping less confrontation will let the mending begin. We love them but they don't understand that at a certain age roles reverse and want to continue to be the mom.
Love and luck to all!

Wow. I never knew how common this is. Grew up with learning how unfair life is. I was the oldest of 3. Only daughter. The 2 sons were my narcissist father's favorites. My whole life everything I accomplished or did for parents was never enough. I never asked for help. They gave my brothers so much. Guess who ended up with all the caregiving responsibilities when they got old, feeble and even more abusive? Yup. Me. Brothers off living their carefree lives. Folks gone now, finally over. I was the dutiful daughter and at least i have the last laugh. I am the sole trustee of their estate. I paid myself back for a lot of what i spent on their care. I will wait the full year before I disburse their portion of inheritance and then no more contact with toxic family. I'm done. They burned the bridge and then wonder why I don't visit. "Blood ain't thicker than peace of mind." Thankfully I don't have kids to burden and I have made plans for my care when the time comes.

Yes, sadly. I always felt that my parents preferred my brother because he is practically minded whereas I am bookish. My mum says it's too much for my brother to drive a 45-mile round trip to visit her but expects us to take her wherever she needs to go and offers us no help with the fuel. She has also given my brother and sister-in-law money over the years for cars or home improvements (they earn more than we do but are a bit wasteful), whereas we seldom get offered anything. I don't want or need her money, by the way; just don't appreciate the apparent unfairness. We are about to have a second granddaughter and my mum said she wishes it was a boy.

I always got along wonderfully with my mom. All through her life I was the one that came through for her during health crisis, financially, you name it. During her last years I did just about everything. Brother nothing. But when he walked into the room her face would light up.

I know she loved me and we had a close relationship but I always saw how brother didn't have to do anything and he stole her heart. In fact all three of my brothers, the same thing.

It hurt sometimes but I just accepted it.

My grandmother treated her sons differently than her daughters. She babied the sons. She loved the daughters but didn't baby them. It was clear that the sons were her favorites. It bothered my mother a lot. My mother took care of grandmother but sons were off marrying and divorcing.

I'm pretty certain this is a natural phenomenon among humans. Fathers and sons . .fight. Mothers and daughters . .fight.

Mothers and sons . . .best friends. Fathers and daughters . . best friends.

Something I've observed my whole life with other families. It seems to be an anomaly when a mother and daughter get along like BFF's . . or fathers and sons.

I'm pretty sure you're not alone with this situation. Hell, even my mom liked my husband more than me. Yeap. Only child/daughter here. My mom practically ignored me when both of us visited her. Still , not easy to take, is it. *sigh*

Raising my hand in disgust of my mom & dad’s sexist, unfair “preference” for me as 100% caregiver, mommy & cheerleader. (They never did this for me as a kid.)

My brother’s too busy doing things around the house (drinking alcohol & smoking cannabis) to help. He reeked of one or the other until I pointed it out. Now he smells like cheap drugstore cologne.

I bailed last month on all three until things change. I’m not holding my breath, except for the stench of pot or Old Spice.

Thanks, OP, for this. It’s an injustice to hardworking adult daughters. Should be a rallying cry for change.

My mother treated my brother differently. A slight cough or sneeze from him would prompt my mom to smother him with questions of how he was, if he rested, took any medicine, etc. But I could cough my head off on the phone with her telling her I was sick, she still asked me to come over and take her places. That's mother for you.

My dad, on the other hand, when he was alive, doted on me, and took me places, but left the boys at home.

My mother has always favored my son over my daughter and makes no bones about it. Part of it is the generation..........they think men are better than women, in general, and part of it is the narcissistic tendencies, treating the boys/men like the golden children they AREN'T. My daughter does MUCH more for her grandmother than my son, yet the sun rises and sets on HIM. My DD is a second class citizen in her eyes, as I am, and that's how it will always be. She says foul things to both of us women, yet heaps the praise on my son who doesn't deserve it. In fact, she heaps praise on my EX HUSBAND saying that 'he did so many wonderful things for me' when in reality, it was ME who did the wonderful things, not him! She feels like it was 'his money' that paid for the 'wonderful things' not mine..........see where I'm going with this?

It's a no win situation so don't bother trying. Your brother will always be the golden child to your parents..........the less he does, the more golden he shall be. Unfair and stupid as hell, but typical.

Maybe she knows she cannot get by with yelling at him? That there would be some negative repercussions? The truth is often that we take advantage and assume the person closest to us can "take it". As far as Mom's and sons? I wouldn't know, having on girls. But I will say that we love each child differently just as we love each person we ever loved differently. I cannot say more or less. I can only say different, as each relationship is so unique.
Your Mom may not take your brother to task because she knows it would do no good. Why bother? Where would it get one, but more loss.
As to her yelling at you, how about you look her right in the eye and say "I know you are my Mom and I know you love me, and I know you know I love YOU, but let me tell you, human being to human being, it is NOT OK to yell at me. And when you do it I will withdraw from you for a while, for my own sake. Doesn't mean I don't love you. Just means I will give myself a break.
I think if you plan on your Mom joining you in anger at the bro? That's a waste of your time. You know the sitch and so does she, and it won't change. He is what he is.

Funny that you should ask this, I was just thinking about it the other day. My brother was definitely the golden boy. He was nine years older and could do no wrong until he married a woman my mother didn't like. His wife didn't like her either so it was mutual. My parents were divorced and we had no relatives close so I was my mother's fall-back. She became much closer to me and we ended up with what in Chicago is known as a two-flat so she had her own apartment and my children went back and forth with her a lot. It all went pretty well until it became evident she was failing and we went through the progressively more intense steps and the reality that she was coming to the point where she wasn't safe at home. When it finally came to the point of looking at memory care I called my brother and asked if he was interested in helping me with placement or did he want Mom near him. Neither he nor his wife were at all interested so it fell to me. I was able with Mom's last shred of cognitive abilities to take her to an elder law attorney and created an irrevocable trust to protect her. It was hard placing her at first but she seemed to acclimate very well and the people were very kind. My brother came into town occasionally and always wanted to "do lunch" with Mom, which for her was pureed something. She did very well for several years and finally passed in her late 80's. Brother never asked in all the years about Mom's finances which were actually pretty good due to inheritance and some shrewd stock buys. I had a stockbroker friend who handled her stocks and believe it or not, private pay for 7 years and she never lost any money. Guess by the way who was her selected inheritor.

Her last years weren't the best but we did what we could and she slipped away peacefully in her sleep.

I think there are variations in different families. One of my sibling gets a pass no matter what, always has. I finally learned not to get upset by it. All that did was give me indigestion and not change anything else a bit

In our family my brother is the Golden Child. Both my parents feel that way. Dad always have felt since I was a very young child that I was damaged goods and Mum does not like girls at all.

Not a great environment to grow up in.