Does anyone else feel that their mother treats their sons differently than daughters?

No, not really - I had to be the out of state caregiver for my mom as my brother refused to do it and I am a female.

Absolutely! This wasn't just during my parents' declining years either. Part of this different treatment could have been that I was almost 10 years older than my brother was but it always seemed to me that I was brought up very strictly and many things he did in his youth were forgiven, wrecking my mother's car after taking it without permission, getting into trouble with the police after he and some friends broke into the home of a vacationing friends and drinking their liquor, going AWOL after joining the military, etc., etc.

I have to admit that my brother did help my parents in some ways as they were older but if he visited less frequently it was always excused. If he was rude to them it was brushed off and his appearance or behaviour didn't seem to be under scrutiny as mine was.

When my Dad died and their condo was sold, he persuaded my mother to use a 'sale by owner' method by saying that there wouldn't be any real-estate agent percentage to pay. I spent 2 months going to the condo in order to find all the documents necessary to be able to sell it and emptying it of all except the furniture, sometimes 3 or 4 times a week. He and his wife popped in for a weekend to 'stage' it and then it was put on the market. After the sale, without mentioning it to me, he persuaded my mother that he should get the equivalent of the real-estate agent's percentage 'because he saved it for her'. That was worth over $10,000 and he wrote out a cheque for her and she signed it immediately! You can imagine I was incensed because I felt that without all my effort he wouldn't have been able to sell it.

During my parents' later years I also did their taxes for them and when my Dad died, I did all my mother's banking, accounting and taxes.

In her last years she was in a long-term care facility and I shopped for her regularly and took back items she didn't want because she was so vague about her likes. He would visit every once in a while but she told me that 'he was too busy with work' to go more frequently. I was also taking care of my husband who had emphysema and the after-effects of a stroke and so time away from him was difficult for us.

My health and sanity suffered during those years and I very much resented it.

This happens all too often. In your particular case, your brother does not want to help and it falls on you and she goes after you. That would be the end. I would let her have in no uncertain terms that she needs help from BOTH of you and unless he does his part, YOU ARE GOING TO STOP AND LET HER FEND FOR HERSELF IN VIEW OF HER BEHAVIOR TO YOU. That is horrible. I'd never put up with it. Let him know what is going on and start making other provisions for her care. DO NOT BE AN ETERNAL FOOL FOR HER. If she is so biased, you owe her nothing. Walk away.

Oh yes. 3 girls and 1 boy, she ways posts his birthday but never ours, lol. He right next door and does help with outside issues like her pump but he clearly says her care is our doings. She still puts him first for material belongings and such. He is the first born so he will always have the first say and get. It doesn't bother me so much any more. The Lord knows all things.

It's the mom son thing, just like with dads and daughters!

Yes, but the gender doesn't seem to matter.
It might be useful to ask for something in particular. Keep it small, especially at first. Help him take small steps towards helping. He isn't stupid or blind; he's just playing you, like my sister does me!

Yes - I went to 4 yr college, not younger bro, I was adopted as infant, bro is biologic. Mom left all assets to him in her will which she 'wrote' just 4 months before she passed in his care. I took care of Mom for 3.5 years, he only the last year. Granted she needed a lot of care towards the end.

I am sorry to see that so many responders feel guilty. For what? Do you feel guilty for being good to someone who is mean to you and doesn't appreciate all that you do for an unpleasant person. Or do you feel guilty for resenting them? There is no need to punish yourself. You have been abused. Do you hope to have mom show some love for you? Not likely to happen. I would suggest you make yourself less available some of the time. If she speaks rudely to you, tell her to stop it. I think they dump bad feelings onto the one close to them that will put up with it. They know the boys will not stand for that and drop them so they are so grateful for small amounts of attention. They want to encourage them instead. Don't be a door mat. If you want to care for an ungrateful mother then do so as a gift to them. But it is hard to not resent them. I think attention from males is more highly valued because it is so rare. Also, unfortunately, women are too competitive with other
women.

No, my mother treats my sisters that never help with more respect and in higher esteem than me. More to criticize with me always here as opposed to my sisters who are 'fair weather daughters' and rarely in contact with her. They are in contact for good times such as weddings and parties. But I am here through thick and thin, sickness and health, on a daily basis. Frustrating but no unfairness here due to gender.

Yes, my mother, who is in memory care now, has always favored her two sons. In particular my youngest brother. I think he's a surrogate for her now deceased spouse. But she was always partial to the "boys."

I'm not particularly close to her and would never cultivate a friendship with her if she were not my mother. She is not an interesting person. Her entire existence was centered on "dad." Nothing beyond high school, never worked outside the home, no female friends, hobbies or outside interests. She wasn't a real good housekeeper or cook, did not "teach" her daughters anything useful. Her main goal for us was to get us married and out of the house. She refused to see a doctor regularly, so no paps, mammograms or routine health care. Which lead to a stroke at age 75, which caused cognitive decline. Dad was very frustrated by this later in life when her memory and cognitive problems caused problems (she couldn't cook for him!) He took her for lunch and long drives everyday to keep her entertained. Personal hygiene done in the hot tub. House filthy and would not allow me to take care of that. So now that he's gone, which she doesn't really understand or remember, she relies on my brother as a stand in.

Definitely! When we were kids my sister and I did all the housework, helped with meals, cleaned up after, made the beds, etc. My 2 younger brothers took out the trash once a week and mowed the grass once a week. I asked Mom recently why that was and she said "that’s just the way we did things."

That being said my parents always favored my sister and eldest brother (I’m the 2nd child, 2nd girl) tho they would never admit it. Whenever I visited the first thing they asked was if I had heard from brother/sister who rarely visited or called. I would say, "no, why don’t you call them?" Answer, "no, they are probably busy." !!!!

Fast forward 50 years when parents start needing help my youngest brother and I are the ones who stepped in and sorted things out and supported our parents. We were glad to help, although We laugh about the favoritism. Sadly older brother died at 62, sister lives out of state. I can’t help think that they gave a poor example to their children about how to treat the elderly.

I don't think its just boys vs girls I have friends who have a sister that is the golden child and always feels that she needs to try harder just to be a part of the family.  In my husbands family the eldest boy was the favorite and then the eldest girl (who was #4 in line of 6).  Of course I always said my MIL spoiled each one in their own way.

The New York Times cited a current study which said that on average girls are expected to spend more time than boys on chores and babysitting.  It is time for change.  Don't accept this.   Tell mom you will do X,Y Z and no more, and if she yells you are leaving.

Yes always have