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I heard her tell a friend on the phone that she put her pillows on the floor so she could slide off without hurting herself later in the day after the 1st incident. The 2nd day, she said she passed out in the hallway but her bp was extremely elevated and EMS questioned that because bp drops when you pass out. Telltale 2 pillows on the floor where I’m sure she slid off. Not to mention she peed on the floor both times. She’s the elderly lady who cried wolf. I’m starting to question anything she tells me, which will not be good when she really is in a jam. No help from 3 siblings. She treats everyone well except the caregiver ~ me.

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My 94 yo mother has played The Boy Who Cried Wolf game for SO long now that I know half of what comes out of her mouth is bull and the other half is sh*t. The good news is, she pays others to sort out all those lies she tells living in Memory Care Assisted Living now, and regular Assisted Living for 4 years previously. She doesnt even know when she's telling the truth anymore, or what lie she's told last that she's forgotten about, so it's quite something to deal with. Horrible is a word to describe it. I caught her in a major lie recently when I called the MC to fact check, and the poor caregiver was telling me not to feel upset with her because they all tell stories due to dementia. Really? So it was dementia when she was 40 and bald face lying, and 50 and 60 too, or just now that she's 94? Uh huh. I didn't say that to the CG, of course, I just assured her that I was simply doing my usual fact checking and chalking the lies off to "dementia". She's always has a memory of convenience though, as I'm sure you'll relate to. Betcha $100 your mother will have no memory at all of that phone conversation you overheard about her plan to acccidentally-on-purpose fall off the bed. Apparently, lots of people here don't understand about liars and manipulators and think all elders are sweet little old ladies with valid health issues 100% of the time. Snicker.

Time for mother to move into Assisted Living and pay others to deal with her b.s. now. Enough is enough.

Fwiw, my mother has fallen 56x now in AL, and has never been to the hospital even once for an injury as a result. Pretty staggering odds, dontcha think?

Good luck!
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"Well Mum since you are no longer stable on your feet, you need 24/7 care. I have started looking into nursing home. I expect to have your placed by the end of the month."
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My father constantly wanted to go to the ER for constipation. AL was on to him and refused to send him so he would fake falls to go
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Hmmm I'd be generous & give the benefit of doubt (for now) & not confront her BUT have my eyes & ears wide open to assess the next fall & her behaviour in general.

What attention/payoff does she get by falling? Is there a nice fuss & then comfort? Or has she become incontinent but embarrassed & would rather blame it on a fall??

I gave my relative the benefit of doubt when she was unable to get into or out of my car without help until I watched her when my DH drove her. She did it all herself. Game up! I told her PT who said it was manipulation & attention seeking behaviour.

The more I helped her, the more helpless she became. When I assisted her off the floor, she would try less. In the end I stopped trying & now EMS is called. Every time. It's horrible to waste their time, but I cannot lift her. If EMS report to social services that she is too frail to live alone, then so be it. I agree.

I believe sometimes people are stuck in (or return to) an infant stage where they are testing out their limits on their world - how they can control their main carer. Like a baby trying different cries to get a parents attention.

Watch & wait. Set your own limits. If this becomes worse, consider a neuro psych review.
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You pretty much answered your own question. It is 'The Boy Who Cried Wolf' scenario.
Your siblings will not be helping out and that happens more often than not in an elder care situation. No one wants to take on the burden if they don't have to.
Here's how to handle it. Talk to your mom and don't let her know that you're onto her faking it. Then tell her that you cannot take care of her properly anymore because of her falling so much, and it's not safe for her to be at home any more. Then tell her that you've looked at a few nursing homes and she will have to be placed because it's not safe for her anymore. Also tell her that the paramedics have called APS (Adult Protective Services) because of the falling and she is a senior who cannot safely live on her own anymore and they are required by law to do this. The state will take over her life and situation, and there will be nothing you or her will be able to do about it.
I'm pretty sure the "falls" will decrease greatly or stop altogether when she learns that her game will have consequences that she will not be in control of. If she has dementia for real, then she belongs in a care facility.
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This doesn't sound like faking to me. This sounds like someone severely ill. She may need to be in care. She should be assessed in the hospital at this time. If her pressure is high she could be having mini strokes. She knows they are going to come; she is trying to cushion her falls.
Sorry, but unless we are stone cold crazy we do not fall on the floor and pee there.
This could be TIAs (trans ischemic attacks) and she could need help very badly. Do not ignore.
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lealonnie1 Feb 2021
I vote for faking, the elder said it herself to a friend on the phone!
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Unless your mother has a history of “faking” illnesses, or has some mental health problems, I am inclined to agree with AlvaDeer. It’s possible she put the pillows on the floor in case she fell, to soften the impact. Whether faking it or not, she needs to be evacuated by a medical professional to determine if there is a physical problem or a mental health problem. Either way, determining the cause determines the treatment. Good luck to you. My sister is a “drama queen” who also happens to have serious health issues. The combination really makes you question everything they say, or discount their symptoms.
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