Does anybody know how to find out if someone is really a veteran?

I can understand that it annoys you if a father you already dislike, starts in on more fraud. I’ve been there myself. However a few things to think about:
. You can’t stop him saying it, even if it is fraud. If you are with him when he says it, are you going to have a shouting match with him in public? Will a laugh and a wink really satisfy you?
. Is the fraud getting him anything substantial? It doesn’t sound like it. He’s 97. Does it really matter if he gets a little bonus that he isn’t really entitled to? It can’t go on for too much longer. Death comes to us all, even villains.
. We have people on the site whose mothers are claiming to have been Opera singers, fathers who are equally deluded. Impressive imaginary life histories go with the turf of old age and/or dementia. It varies from amusing to very annoying. My dearest daddy in old age insisted on being addressed as ‘Major’. Mother was quite clear that he had forged the WWII paperwork, and she was almost certainly right. I just laughed about it. It really was the least of the worries.

You have now had the suggestions for verification. Before you get too upset with a ‘no’ result, think about keeping your own peace of mind in yet another issue in a dysfunctional relationship.

I think it matters because I think it's wrong if he's saying he's a vet when he's not just to have people feel sorry for him and to get special deals on things

I think you have a valid reason for not wanting her father to be able to exploit Veterans' benefits if he didn't serve. Anyone who didn't serve has no right to claim either benefits, honor, commitment or other valued characteristics.

The VA issues ID cards with the veteran's photo on the card, and in my experience, that card HAS to be shown to get a store discount.

A neighbor who claimed to be a Vet showed me two ID cards, but so quickly that it was clear he really didn't want me to see his cards, so that made me wonder if he was just pretending to be a Veteran. The ID cards definitely were not issued by the VA; they weren't in the proper format, and if I recall correctly, didn't have his photo.

There's a free Veteran verification ID here:

https://www.operationmilitarykids.org/verify-military-service/

If you have trouble reaching that site, search on "verifying Veteran status", and check out some of the other links, or: (a) contact the local Veteran's state office or (b) contact a service agency such as VFW or American Legion and ask them how to verify.

In my experience, they employ or have Veterans as volunteers, and while it may not be part of their mission, they might take the time to help someone verify a potential Veteran as legitimate or not.

I did a quick check on someone I know is a Veteran, and got confirmation. The only info provided was the person's name, and state (although there was no indication whether this was a birth state or residence state).

There's a nonVeteran affialiated option on the right hand side of the page; don't use that; it's not as thorough.

Update: I'm not convinced of the accuracy of the public links, as I searched for someone I know isn't a Veteran and ended up in the typical sign up and register format.

Perhaps the best way is a FOIA search, which I believe is free. Given the shutdowns though, I don't know how long it would be before you got a report.

There's also the possibility that he enlisted later than 1941; my father enlisted in 1943, but he had also served in the National Guard and may have finished that commitment before enlisting in the Army.

Another possibility is that he was in fact in the military, but declined to discuss it b/c of the post war trauma. Perhaps in his older age it's more distant and he can mention his service, but avoid discussing details.

If your Dad served, he should have papers to prove it. My Dad went in just as the Pacific War was over. He served 2 years and I found all his papers in an envelope. Discharge and a paper saying he was entitled to VA benefits. There may have been a card he carried around but it wasn't an ID. I gave all that info to my brother. Dad also had pictures of the ship and guys he served with.

At 97 do u think maybe a little Dementia has not set in? He could be imagining he was in the service.

Your local VA dept should be able to tell u if he served. Will need his SS number though.

My mom had lost all her records.  At 98, we wanted her to get VA Aid and Attendance, and her memory was shot.   We had to write away, and they confirmed her service, but you have to something to help them. Fortunately as bad as my mom's memory is, she remembered she worked at a VA hospital after the war in Georgia, and she remembered it was near the Masters tournament.  We knew where she lived when she would have unlisted.   I think some of the places to check service may not work for people her age if you do not have service ID, etc, but good luck.

As PP said, highly likely someone his age did service.  Everyone that age in may family, even those in college, did serve.  Colleges were under pressure to graduate males early.

Have you contacted your local VA office?

Also why does it matter if Dad is making up stories?

GMV, your dad was born in 1923. He would have been 18 when ww2 started.

Was he in college at that time? Did he have a physical disability? The overwhelming majority of folks in his age cohort WERE veterans.

Have you ever asked him about whether he served in the Pacific or in Europe?

GMV, he would also have to show his ID to get freebies on Veteran's Day, but that's a long ways off. Applebees does offer Veteran's benefits, and last time I went, did require seeing a Veterans' ID card before extending benefits.

It is not unheard of for a veteran to never speak of their service or experience in war.

I didn't know that my dad's father was a WWII veteran until he died. It was to traumatic for him to even acknowledge his service, so no one in the family ever mentioned it.

If your dad is not looking for any veteran benefits besides a thank you and 10% off his meal I would not get to heat up about it.

You can contact your local VFW and find out how to get his service records if you really want to know.

If he did serve please tell him that I say thank you for your service and sacrifices, I live in a free country because of the brave men and women who have stood up and fought for what our country stands for.

If he didn't serve, maybe he could not and he is embarrassed by his inability to serve. I would think hard about why he didn't and is saying he did. My dad had medical issues that barred him from serving, he has shame about not defending his country, which is heartbreaking because he couldn't help not being able to serve, he wanted too. My point is that maybe this isn't a battle worth waging, let it be unless he is injuring someone.

Contact www.va.gov and ask them to do a records search. FWIW, most records can be found but there was a 1973 fire and many military records were lost. It is a place to start.

There are other places military service records can be found (county courthouses, etc.) so a genealogist/family history specialist might also help if you really want to determine service or not.

This https://www.va.gov/records/get-military-service-records/reconstruct-records/ gives some good hints on determining military service.