Can the doctor give the order to stop feeding my mom even if she's eating on her own?

Hey better yet! Got a computer? Then READ look it up go from there!.....

Whatever. I disagree with what the person thinks the first one Prsimon. F__ck HIM. The Dr. He's not god. Do what you think is the right thing to do I don't listen to the Dr.s I read and learn on my own unless your that stupid and just go by what anyone thinks. Loook just tack your mom home and get hospic good god.

If a doctor denied my mom food, I would want a complete explanation first. I don't ever trust anyone blindly but ask a lot of questions which everyone is entitled to a satisfactory answer.

Bonfire, she did die, within 24 hours of the no feeding order. Most likely the doctor knew that her body was shutting down.

I think this is totally whacked. Definitely get another opinion. If your mom wants to eat but he won't allow her to, I think that's rather cruel and sounds more like it's for his convenience that she "hurry up and die." Do not settle for this at all.

trunner0, I am so sorry for your loss.

In hind sight, it looks like the doctor made a good call. I am sorry that you didn't have sufficient information to understand the doctor's decision. The hospice staff should be able to provide that explanation.

Losing your mother would have been painful under any circumstances. I am sorry that you had the additional stress of the feeding issue.

For me and my mom...she had an advance directive. She made sure 10 or so years before that she had made it known to me that she would not want anything that would prolong her life if she wasn't capable of taking care of herself. The process was a horrible grueling ordeal. But in the end it was what my mother at 91 wanted. She struggled with swallowing and it was hard to imagine how scary it was for her that each time she would try she felt the urgency of gagging and throwing up. I had the Durable Power of Attorney and followed the DNR. You can not feel guilty for something that is out of your hands. My mom passed on January 9th of this year. I miss her so much she was my best friend. But when she left us she was with Hospice and I truly believe they are angels of mercy. They made sure she didn't feel the pain or suffering. God Bless the caregiver.

Ultimately, it is your decision what happens to your mother, unless she has a living will/care directive or can express her wishes. As others have said, you need to ask her doctor or representative why he has ordered no feeding. 1) Could be she has issues, like digestive organs shutting down, that he is responding to. He's trying to prevent further harm, unnecessary anxiety with her. 2) Are there other family members around? Could they have given the "no feed" directive, unbeknownst to you? (May sound odd, but it happened in my situation. I didn't find out about it until after my mother's death.) 3) It could also be a personal opinion that is influencing the doctor. (I've also experienced that one!) That could/should be over-ruled by your mother's/your wishes.

But, before you can act you have to find out the root of this doctor's decision. Don't settle for what you're told. Your mother and/or her family is in charge here. Ask questions and demand answers!!!

I would guess it first depend on what state she's in & the law, is Mom in a coma or in and out of consciousness? I took care of my younger Brother at home on hospice he had a feeding tube, he had gone into a coma the last 50 hours I still fed him just didn't want him to feel hungry I didn't feed him the morning on the day he passed away I felt guilty. So I think it depends if she's not on a feeding tube she could choke. Sit down with the doctor and have him tell you Why he feels this way.

My mom passed away on May 4 at 6pm the reason the doctor stopped feeding because she was. Close to the end but didn't want us to know they stopped feeding the evening of the previous day around six she died 24 hours later

My mom passed away on May 4 at 6pm the reason the doctor stopped feeding because she was. Close to the end but didn't want us to know they stopped feeding the evening of the previous day around six she died 24 hours later

Let me just share my story with you so you will know that NOT all decisions made by doctors are good decisions. . About 6 weeks ago, my mom had an allergic reaction to Lisinopril (an ace inhibitor drug for high blood pressure) and her tongue got swollen so that she could not talk and could not swallow or eat for almost 4 days. When she was first admitted to the hospital, the doctor put her on an IV and because my brother and I make all her health care decisions, he told us that since she was 92 years old, we might want to consider letting her die by not feeding her. In other words, we should consider letting her starve to death. He did not initially give us any options like having a feeding tube until we asked some questions but . I immediately began asking other people about feeding tubes and was told by someone who runs a nursing home that inserting the tube is usually a very short procedure and could help and in some cases if the patient regains the ability to eat,the tube feeding could then be stopped. So essentially I had to ask around about my mom's options because it seemed that the doctor had given us limited information and wanted us to follow along with his decision. After finding out this additional info about the feeding tube, I got a hold of the doctor and told him that we were NOT going to let our mother starve to death and that he should immediately take the steps to have a feeding tube inserted. He looked surprised by my request so he immediately rushed to my mother's bedside and asked her twice if she wanted a feeding tube to which she told him through her swollen tongue, "yes, that would be nice" twice. He then got up and told us that as soon as the speech therapist could see her on Monday, he would then contact the gastro doctor to see whether my mom could have the procedure done. When Monday came, the speech therapist told us that my mom could not eat enough to nourish herself and that if we could get her to do some tongue exercises, she might be able to swallow so that is what we did for my mother all day Monday (encouraged her to exercise her tongue) and by Tuesday, lo and behold, she was able to swallow again and she began eating her pureed food again. So my message though my story is that not all decisions made by a doctor are the best decisions for the patient and that there is nothing wrong with you challenging a doctor's decisions. Hope this helps. Good luck.

You say that Mom can feed herself, then say she has a feeding tube. Is she inserting the feeding tube herself?
If YOU had dementia, would you want to be kept alive in a vegetative state? Not me. No feeding tube or life extending meds for me if, God forbid, I couldn't be healed. Think about it. Corinne

As for MY mom, if/when that happens w/her, she's 94 now, so...I wouldn't insert a feeding tube - she told me she doesn't want that - just let her be, tube feeding does cause significant discomfort (it may actually cause patients pain!). You know, I've been answering quite a few questions, issues, etc., & it may LOOK like when mom's "time comes" I'll be calm, etc., NOT, I love her dearly!!!!! Tonight Richard & I saw her around 6 pm our usual Sat time, stayed maybe 15 min & she suddenly told us to leave because her roommate was returning to the room to eat her dinner - so she basically threw us out! Im tearing up just saying this...It makes me very, very sad to see mom like this - she's been there for me my entire life! But anyway, I do agree with you bookluvr.

Ohh, Gabbie, that is why I could not NOT feed mom. Even when I knew she was towards the end, I and my sisters kept feeding her. I already knew from reading on this site what hospice was involved. I was so torn about getting one. In the end, we didn't have an option - and did not have hospice. And I am sooo glad that we didn't. Because us siblings continued to do what we thought was right...even with mom dying. As long as that liquid nutrient went down her tube, we will feed her.

I'm soooo sorry that you are now feeling like you have killed him. (That too have entered my mind when debating about hospice.) I am soooo sorry. I wish I could give you some advice about God forgiving you. This will be only between you and Him. What's done is done. If you want forgiveness, maybe approach your priest or pastor and tell them what happened. Tell them how you're feeling now. I'm sure, if these are true Christians, that they will help you to seek forgiveness to yourself. Because Jesus did not die for our sins for nothing. HUGS!!! to you.

my husbad died 2 weeksago hospice wa called and wonderful but i canot help but feel guilty because although.h did choke they stopped feedng him.

ma God frgive because i feel that ikilled hm

As I sit here feeding my Mom who also in a similar state of health, I think "omg it takes me a couple of hours each meal, but I feel so good when she is full." I cannot for the life of me understand this Doctor. Did her blood tests reveal her kidneys or something werent fuctioning? If she is going to die, why not feed her, Or, does he want her to die from not feeding her? When a well known young girl years ago on TV, who had a shrine in her bedroom, was finally starved to death over a court battle they explained that hunger is extremely painful. If they are not going to feed her, I would assume she will go on morphine? My friend's Mom has been completly comatose other than eating for 4 years, she loves to eat and she will feed her as long as she will eat. 3 years is not long to have dementia, gee we are going on many years here. All I can say is no one could tell me that I was to stop feeding my Mother. Good Luck and please update us.

A few weeks ago, when I was posting on AC the usual stuff, I happened to mention mom's current "progress." Mom had dementia since I was age 23, about 23 yrs ago. She was bedridden for 13 years. Don't remember how long she was on stomach tube. She was completely in a vegetative state for years now. Anyway, a few weeks ago, I happened to mention mom's current status (coughing and then struggling to breathe, not taking her nutrient milk 3 times a day - now only 1/2 can 3 x daily, her poop is no longer solid but diarrhea-like as in watery, getting so skinny so fast that her skin is tight around her legs and her stomach sinking in.)

I was told by several posters that mom was close to the end. Although a part of me denied it, I called family members on island to come and verify if mom is really bad off. I figured I was too close to the situation to be objective of mom's health. sure enough, sil took one look at mom and her body, and told me that mom would not last the end of the week.

The thing is, we had difficulty after that getting hospice service because the doctor needed to see mom in order to get hospice. We, the family took one look at mom and decided she's too weak to take on the ambulance roundtrip. We did our best to get around this requirement - And Failed. So, I had to Google on dying processes, etc... We siblings were "winging" it on our own. (I am soooo angry with both hospice and the doctor. My doctor of a different insurance said that if mom was his patient he would make an exception to do housecalls. It's the quality of life of mom that was important. Hospice could have sent a nurse over to evaluate mom and then speak to mom's doc. Both hospice and doc refused to compromise. We even went to adult protective service for help in this. Mom died while going thru the red tape.)

Since we were winging it, we siblings decided to continue to feed mom. But we only fed her as long as the nutrient went down the tube. When it stopped moving, we stopped feeding her. And yes, the 1/2 can got down to 1/3 only. We continued to feed her, and she did continue to poop liquidy. Until she finally died in her sleep. And yes, even with the 1/3 can, mom continued to quickly get skinnier as the days go by.

In the end, I think it would not have mattered if mom had her nutrient drink or not. But, for us, to NOT feed her was like starving her. We fed what she can take in. In the end, with mom passing away, not one of us siblings were left with any guilt that we had "starved" her. But mom is different from your mom. My mom could not talk or tell us that she wants to eat. We just fed her 3x a day and only what her stomach would allow.

I think, as long as your mom can eat and still swallows the food, then feed her. I've read enough posts here that when their loved ones reaches this state, they still eat but less food. Eventually, they will refuse to open their mouth for the food. Then it's time for liquid. When she starts choking also on the liquid, and she has a DNR, then your only options are to ignore the DNR and insert the stomach tube or respect her wishes, and let her be. Her body will continue to shut down either way. Stomach tube will prolong her suffering (body slowing down). Or she can die naturally. Sigh.... HUGS!!! to you. Sincerely, Book

i think it is immoral, even if it might be legal. Get a new doctor!

Donnacecilia, I agree with you! My own mom's in a nursing home & they treat her w/respect (sometimes :/ ) but not ME!!!They hate me - John, the DON, hates me - he as much as told me..But you got it right on target - I agree 100% & for me, that's rare ;)

Most definitely find out what is behind this decision. Professionals are not always right. There should be a logical reason behind this. If Mom is still eating, then let her eat. Starving to death is a horrible way to die. And in this case blatantly cruel, since she still has an appetite.

I hate how many in the medical community treat the elderly with such little respect. It's as if the elderly are no longer important to society and seem to have out lived their purpose. Don't these so called caring professionals realize that one day their own parents and themselves might end up in the same position?

There's nothing "complicated" about this! With all due respect, her mom CAN eat without a feeding tube!!! I honestly thought most docs wanted to keep patients alive at all costs so this question really surpirsed me - & I don't shock easlily anymore...I stand by my answer - I'm a Certified Medical Assistant & Hospice volunteer - NOT that I know more than others - but maybe have a different perspective.

Having known two friends who chose to stop eating in order to die, and several who suffered from tubal infections, I would urge you to ask the doctor, whose patient is your loved one, this vital question.

There is a difference between a decision not to install a feeding tube and the decision not to manually feed someone who is still capable of eating. I can't understand why they would want to deprive a person of food if they are capable of eating - that is not using "heroic measures" to keep someone alive. If this were my mother, I might not want to have a feeding tube, depending on what had been discussed when she was able to participate in that discussion or what I believe my mother's wishes would be, but I can't imagine not wanting her to be manually fed. Who has Medical Proxy for your mother? That is the person, not the doctor, who is legally in the position to make this decision.

Bless your heart ! ! I have seen this alot, in Nursing homes. I agree with other comments. ASK questions ! ! Not give up ! ! No one has right to end someone elses life. Doctors are not GOD ! !

Does your mom have Hospice involved? If the tube feeding was making your mom sick or she was not able to digest the food they can stop the feeding...If your moms body is shutting down and she is getting close to passing sometimes its less discomfort for the patient to stop the feeding...your moms body may be shutting down and no longer able to process the food..thus the tube feeding is causing her more discomfort........there are some wonderful Hospice pamphlets explaining nutrition at the end of someones life...So sorry your going through all of this....Bless you and your family....

trunner0 I am so sorry you are having to experience a dementia patient who will die because it is a terminal illness. Nothing you can do can stop this process. The doctor knows this and if hospice has been called in, then she has less than six months to live. My mother was in this same state and I went to her nursing home and fed her yogurt every day, but it still did not change the outcome. She died Jan. 30, 2002, not being able to speak, move or do anything for herself. Start letting go because she is in her final days. My prayers are with you!

Knee-jerk reactions don't help. It's a complicated topic. I'm grateful that some responses here address that. An organization that pays a lot of very thoughtful attention to this topic from both the humanitarian and the legal side is called Compassion and Choices, You can talk to a counselor there about your question for free. Some people have a specific directive not to be fed by hand if they are that far gone with dementia -- my father chose it.

One of the hardest parts of having a parent die is not understanding the reasoning behind the care (or lack thereof) being given. It is my understanding that after a short period without food, there is no longer any hunger - which is why people on hunger strikes can go so long. And if the bowels lack muscle tone to remove the eaten food, someone has to reach up and dis-impact the fecal material. This is humiliating in my opinion, and not part of a dignified life or death.

You need to ask her caregivers to sit you down and explain why things are being done/not done, and listen to their compassion. Try really hard to separate out your emotional attachment and really listen. It's hard, but they really are trying to make this a better experience than it could be.

Also, there are stool softeners that can be administered. Miralax is one that worked quite well for my mother when she was bedridden. Before that, constipation was a constant problem, even while she took a lot of senna-type ex-lax. I wish we had known above Miralax through those years.