graygrammie Asked September 2020
Doc wants to medicate ME!
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How did you manage that trip? Did he go to respite care or did you have caregivers come in?
Are all of his (and your) legal documents in place, i.e., will, POA, living will? Have you seen an eldercare attorney about getting him qualified for Medicaid, if that is how his care is going to be paid for? Do you realize that as the Community Spouse, you will be protected and not impoverished?
His dementia is only going to get worse. What are your plans for the future?
Yes, legal documents are in place, I just reviewed them again a few weeks ago. Have not seen an eldercare attorney or even thought about Medicaid. I will look into that.
He saw a pulmonologist today, referred by rheumatologist. He refused all diagnostic tests and the doctor pointed out that the possibility of a ventilator would be very real if he doesn't allow himself to receive the care he needs. He told the doc, nope, no ventilator, just let me go. Doc looked at me and asked if this has been discussed between us and do we have the proper documentation in place. I affirmed we did.
My plans for the future are one day at a time right now. He asked me a few weeks ago to promise to never put him in a nursing home. I was silent. The next day I broached the topic and told him that I could not make that promise but that I would do what was best for him in conjunction with our kids.
You can looks on Webmed and pic the pill section. I tells you about the med.
Thank you for reading and I hope this helped. Jane Osborne
I am so sorry that your husband has caused so much pain and stress in your life.
A very wise poster here, JeanneGibbs, cared for her husband Coy during his long battle with Lewy Body dementia. She alsways said "I can't promise not to put you in a nursing home, but I will never abandon you". It has always struck me as being a wise and compassionate response. And I seem to recall her mentioning thay she was greatly helped by a low dose of antidepressant.
GG, if there is one thing Ive learned in life, it is that it's usually not the most troubled person in a relationship who seeks treatment, it's the one who realizes that they must adjust their thinking to deal with the situation. Meds and talk therapy both help with this.
I have parented, driven, and graduated from Grad school with honors while on ADs.
If DH can golf and you think you can do without caregivers, then you can leave for several hours during the day and take a walk in the park. Or visit your therapist. Or sit at home and read in another room.
Your depression, which I believe your doctor picked up on, is leading you to think in very black/white terms. ADs can help with this.
The other thing that strikes me is that your marriage was apparently troubled 30 years ago (in the 90s, you say). Yet you feel that a dementia dignosis long after that fact is a reason, not only stay, which I get, but to bow down to his very illigitimate behavioral demands.
I think you are digging yourself into a hole from which you may not escape.
It's interesting that your husband has noticed this - his sucking his teeth may be a habit he doesn't even realize he's developed. Perhaps it's due to anxiety or some other reason.
It's puzzling that people you talk to on the phone comment on how much better your voice sounds. That doesn't make a great deal of sense if your voice has developed a hoarseness.
You may have developed a post-nasal drip, which results in your attempting to clear your throat or the air you breath may contain so little moisture that you mouth is becoming dry & you're unaware of it.
Then, it's possible there's some other reason for your voice becoming hoarse.
Personally, I think you should get checked out by an ENT specialist; but, it's your call.
To clarify about the phone -- when I am not at home or dh is not at home and I talk on the phone, then people say my voice sounds better. When dh is sitting next to me, muttering and commenting and criticizing the whole way through the conversation (and he insists that some phone calls have to be in his presence, like the call to my father every night at 7:00), then my voice is hoarse. Same phones (either home or cell), same me, different circumstances.
And quite honestly, other than the grocery store and the post office, I don't talk or see anyone outside the house.
On the plus side, I am going to dgs's t-ball game today. Dh feels he is too tired / weak / in pain to sit outside to watch a t-ball game. However, if someone contacts him about golfing, he'll be out the door lickety split. He tried real hard to guilt me last night about going but I stood my ground.
"Insists"?
Tell him "No, that doesn't suit me any longer".
GG, you hold ALL the cards here. Where would he be if you were not there to care for him?
I was so stressed with caregiving that I didn’t even realize that I wasn’t breathing. He taught me breathing exercises that I practiced. It helped me tremendously.
This is a great point that often goes overlooked! We take breathing for granted and when we are stressed many of us aren’t breathing properly.
I do know allergies and acid reflux can cause it. Drainage from sinus also.