Doc wants to medicate ME!

Grammie, I want to take a step back.

Didn't your mom die recently in some pretty horrific circumstances? And you are dealing with your husband's deteriorating condition pretty much alone? And you've written that at times he is downright mean and unreasonsable?

If you are clearing your throat a lot, I would get checked out by an ENT and a GI doc. Post nasal drip and/or reflux are know causes. Get the physical stuff checked out first.

Lexapro is an anti-depressant. It is often good at lessening anxiety for some. I would go see a good geripsych doctor and find out if you have the symptoms of depression and anxiety before going that route.

Your Doctor is certainly interesting. Goes from anti-anxiety and anti-depression meds to Eye Ear Nose and Throad specialist as though the two had some sort of equivalency.
You either need one or the other, and who can say which? Not certain what kind of diagnostician this is?
What do they see when they look in your throat? I think myself I would go to the throat specialist. If you can cover it on insurance, what have you to lose?
Failure to cope doesn't cause gravel voice. What other symptoms do you have that makes them think you suffer from depression? Have you asked.
And yes, our voices change with age, and when we speak little, then speak a lot they get kind of "tight".
There is no one who can make you take medications to "cope". I agree that drugging yourself is usually NOT the answer, though for some it helps.
Coping with your husband may mean not being with your husband. But that is for future exploration.
You are dealing with a whole lot. Best of luck. You will likely see an ENT to tell you that you have allergies and post nasal; don't we all. But it will be off the plate. As to the Lexapro, you might actually give it a try. Sometimes, in times of great stress, these help and you branch out in your life a bit to try some other things. A bridge gets built and when you get off the meds you can find that the bridges are still there. However, if you don't want to take drugs, that certainly is your right.
Wishing you the very best ongoing.

Lexapro for a hoarse throat? Weird. What's so bad about seeing an ENT?

Just a question, is it a tickle you experience? Do you use cough drops? Has there been a change in blood pressure meds? My Mom had all of these things and it was the blood pressure Meds.

The teeth sucking would drive me crazy too. Thank God my house I can go to the Den and shut the door if my DH did this. Maybe its not you who needs the meds maybe its your husband. Seems to me his "sucking" is a sign of anxiety. Fix him, then you are fixed.

I agree, I wouldn't want any meds either.

As I have said 1,000x on here: Anti-depressants or any other mental health med are not prescribed because you are too weak or too inept to cope with your life. Meds are not about giving up, they're not taking the easy way out, and they are not meant to emotionally numb you.

That said, I would see the ENT first to rule out any physical reason why this is happening. If nothing is found, then please consider Lexapro. You'll need to give it 2-3 weeks to see if it'll work for you. If you don't notice any changes after that, then stop taking it, and no harm done.

I've seen ENTs before and was never put through a series of tests. The only one I had was for allergies, where they put stuff on your arms to see if you react. I doubt you'd need allergy testing.

Grammie, no one can force you to see an ENT or other doctor, just by recommendations.    But do you have any idea what tests an ENT would perform, that might be uncomfortable?

In addition, you can't be forced to take anti-anxiety medicine unless legal action is instituted, and I don't see any grounds for it in your situation.

Personally, I think music, gardening, art and other stimulating activity outweigh the benefits of any so-called anxiety med.  CDs of favorite music are my first source of coping.  Next is turning on the tv, tuned to the semi or classical channels so I can listen to a variety of music that I might not have.  

Reading or just thumbing through gardening magazines and Victoria (a lifestyle magazine focusing on French and English life) is another source of calm.  

I think if I was taking care of someone who sucked literally all day long, my body would be reacting in ways much stronger than producing nasal drainage.

Does he need 24/7 care?  Do you have to be in his presence constantly?  If not, get outside, take a walk, just get away from him. 

Or, get some ear muffs, the heavy duty kind worn by workers.   I began using them when I vacuumed or used the blender years ago after I realized how loud those sounds are.  

You mentioned clearing your throat a lot:   you might want to keep track of what you've eaten, change your eating patterns and see if clearing your throat frequently is still necessary.    If this happens regularly, try eliminating something, especially processed foods, to see if it makes a difference.   A natural diet can change a lot of things.   And processed foods are that, and some are loaded with chemicals and additives.   

Do you suffer from nasal drainage?   Do you need to clear your throat more in the morning?    When this happens, I reach for the chicken soup, inhaling the warm broth to let the vapors penetrate my nose.    Sage sprinkled into hot water will also help loosen mucus.  

Try some of these potential remedies and see if they make a difference.   And also see if spending more time away from your husband makes a difference.

Good luck; I hope you find a solution, and if you do, please let us know.

ETA:   you don't have to listen to this doctor; try another one.  

Gray Grammie, two other suggestions.

Is it possible that you are allergic to something at home? Dust, mold?

Are you on any meds? Fosamax and ACE inhibitors can both cause these symptoms.

When you say "submit to testing" is there something you've experienced in an ENTs office that is unpleasant? I've had the little camera scope at least twice and it isn't painful.

Some people, when telling you about these things, make a big deal of them (they awfulize them). It's much less uncomfortable than a Pap smear.

Are you drinking enough water?

Graygrammie,
The air quality in many places has been very bad, and right now, the inside air is very dry.

Please take note, if after your shower, you feel less like clearing your throat. Take a shower daily just to get the steam.

Before seeing any doctor, I started with natural cough drops with honey and zinc.
Then, I used a humidifier overnight in my bedroom, to take the dryness out of the air. (non-medicated, distilled water). My doctor misses me, his office called twice in the months since March, to see if I needed anything. So nice!

No worries, you have already made the doctor feel better! Some feel useful if they can give a prescription for an un-diagnosed complaint. Physicians forget the protocol to try the simplest treatment first. However, I am not discounting that the doctor may have seen a need for the Rx to treat something else. It is just that, I personally refuse to take medications because of my husband's behaviors that are irritating.

As for your husband...is he on any medications that would cause something called "Tardive Dyskinesia"? Check that out, then get his teeth checked. I would very strongly suggest that my husband go brush his teeth instead of trying to suck the food bits out. It may have become a habit or a tic. Then, I would limit his food that would get stuck in teeth, like corn or pot roast. If you investigate, with a little nagging maybe you can break him of this bad habit.
Does he do it in public too?

If your voice sounds better when you aren't home, you're probably allergic to something in your house.

At work I can tell you exactly when my allery meds from 4 am wear off..LOL And then I sometimes "lose my voice" or get hoarse . Allergies are terrible this year, and dry inside air sure does not help. Maybe sinus drainage?

I would try some stinging nettle tincture and see if that clears it up. If not, it is a good idea to at least get an exam by an ENT.

Some things are so annoying and so treatable. But you do want to rule out anything serious if it is not allergies.

Clearing one's throat is also a sign of respiratory issues, where phlegm comes up from the lungs/esophagus in response to lung troubles.

We are having a LOT of smoke here from the wildfires, so I am clearing my throat continuously, it feels like. If you are in Calif or Colo or another area with wildfires and/or arson fires, don't discount THAT as a contributor.

Allergies also contribute to sinus drip which causes me to clear my throat quite a bit.

I don't think I'd immediately chalk hoarseness up to stress, although I don't doubt you are under a tremendous amount of it, caring for your husband who sucks his teeth all day. UGH. Perhaps HE is the one who needs to be medicated and not you? :)

Women have a tendency to shrug things off to 'just' being one thing or another, and not taking symptoms seriously. You say you don't want to go to an ENT and succumb to 'tests', yet you're willing to take Lexapro based on a non-scientific diagnosis? If it were me, I'd probably go to the ENT and see if there was an organic reason for your throat clearing, which is NOT excessive at a few times per day, before taking a long term anti-anxiety medication. Although a script for Xanax on an as-needed basis might be nice, huh? When this whole plague thing broke out in March, my DS gave me 10 Xanax which I've taken 1/2 a tab of when I felt extremely wired or stressed out. I can't tell you the difference it makes. I still have 4 left, too.

I pray for strength for you, my friend, as it's very difficult to take care of YOURSELF in the midst of caring for someone else.

Normal saline spray up your nose.

I'm with you! no WAY! This doesn't sound like a doctor who will listen to you.

When I had to take care of my parents and it was stressful, I had a constant cough and post nasal drip. I thought I had an ongoing cold. Come to find out, I have developed allergies. I'm with you, I think stress can cause allergies. I never had allergies before. But, sure enough, this spring and summer, gardening with my mom, cough, congestion, post nasal drop. I'm taking vitamin C and quercetin and it helps immensely.

I hesitate to take anti-anxiety meds unless I really really have too because I don't want to become dependent on them.

I have severe allergies and asthma. Why wonder about this? Go see an allergist to have testing done. There is no cure for allergies but they can be controlled with meds. I take meds for my allergies and my asthma.

Best wishes to you.

I hate that docs always feel that with women it must be emotional/hormonal. Why!?

Even if women come in presenting heart attack type symptoms they are brushed off more often than men. This has been documented. Maybe if men were prescribed meds like Lexapro or Xanax more often, women would be less likely to feel crappy cause the men in their life would be easier to deal with. Just saying....

Sucking on teeth:

"Tardive dyskinesia (TD) is a movement disorder characterized by uncontrolled facial movements, such as repetitive tongue movements, chewing or sucking motions, and involuntarily making faces. It may also involve movements of the limbs or torso."

"Other drugs that can cause TD include:
Metoclopramide (treats stomach problem called gastroparesis)
Antidepressant drugs such as amitriptyline, fluoxetine, phenelzine, sertraline, trazodone.
Antiparkinson drugs such as levodopa.
Antiseizure drugs such as phenobarbital and phenytoin."

And so many others!

Often, it can be cured by decreasing or discontinuing the
drug(s) responsible.

Keep all golf clubs, golf shoes, and golf clothes out of living spaces, make him shower when arriving home. Wash separately, wearing gloves and mask if you must and cannot send them out.

Do not wash your clothes with any of his.

Who wouldn't be allergic to that stuff? Have you ever been to the golf course and had a reaction?

See, now you don't need a doctor at all, because you have us. Maybe.

You wrote:  "I'm not allowed to read magazines or books which is why I pretty much hideout on the computer in another room in order to read the news or magazine articles."  

Why not?   I've never heard of this kind of restriction, unless there's dust or something on the magazines or books that causes a reaction.  

But you also wrote:

"Time away from my husband is impossible. Yes, I have to be in his presence constantly."    

Sorry, but I'm confused.    You have rights that you can exercise.    And if you're in another room, you're not in his presence constantly unless he watches you through the door.   Nor when you're in the bathroom.

I think you need to take a stand in your own behalf.  That's an observation, not a criticism.  I understand you feel an obligation to be with him, but that's unrealistic.

GG, are you saying that your HUSBAND won't allow you to read books or magazines?

Has he always been unreasonable, or is this just since the dementia started?

I recently had a teleconference with my PCP. In passing, I mentioned that I was having 'more' of the heart 'flutters'. He about passed out. WHAT heart flutters? When did we discuss this? Well, turns out, along with the cancer and shingles and UTI's, the tachycardia got short shrift. It's gotten MUCH worse since COVID and DH working from home-just being in my face all day, everyday, something I am not used to and not enjoying.

I had had a night when it came on and lasted for 4 hrs. Miserable, but since no Dr. had ever acted like it was a big deal (and I guess in the grand scheme, cancer and all, it kind of got pushed to the back).

PCP kind of freaks out, tells me what it is and while it won't kill me, it's bad for my heart and VERY unpleasant to live with. He put me on Metropolol and had me RUN to the pharmacy and get it and start it THAT DAY.

I have upped the dose twice and finally feel like maybe it's OK now. STRESS is the cause. Just STRESS. Told Dh and he said "calm down, then". Then I had to 'borrow' one of his pills as I was out and he found out how much I take and it FINALLY hit him that it was serious. He said "Why didn't you say anything about it?" Well, I had but he doesn't listen.

So--here is a case where medicating ME is necessary. I don't feel like a failure. A saint couldn't live with my DH. My kids tell me all the time that if I pass first, he will go straight into a care facility. All 5 of them have said I could live with them and all 5 have said they'd put dad in a home.

My DH is pretty checked out. I sometimes wish he paid more attention to me, then I read posts from people who have controlling DH's and I am grateful mine barely acknowledges me. (although a happy medium would be nice)

Put yourself first--we're useless as CG's if we are miserable/cranky/annoyed. There's no shame in taking a medication that HELPS your QOL.

There are things that could be going on that are presenting with subtle signs. And yes. Allergies can be one of them. I have a friend that suddenly developed a life threatening food allergy in her late 40s. And to a common ingredient! So maybe you start with allergy testing.

I started taking an antidepressant in caregiving for my parents. It helps. There’s no shame in taking something that helps our brain function any more than there is to keep our BP in the normal range. Something is out of whack and medication helps it.

Hopefully it’s just a new allergy and a dose of Claritin (get the generic!) fixes it.

So....you're being advised to either take an anxiety medicine or submit to tests and dr. appointments because you're husband; who doesn't 'allow' you to read, monitors your time at the grocery store (or anywhere away from him even in your home), sucks his teeth noisily and to distraction (that's just ill mannered and gross); complains that you CLEAR your throat too often, all the while HE is able to play golf twice a week. AND there is a doctor paying attention to HIS complaints.

There is so much wrong with this picture from start to finish that I can't begin to say what all. I have a feeling you see it too, so you are digging your heels in and resisting all advice from that quack of a dr.

I agree with you. You are not the problem. Not only is your situation unfair for you but it is toppling over into unbearable for you.

I suggest you fix the problem before you snap, and I don't mean fix you..

Get second opinion...Don’t take meds for anxiety..take a walk better..Hugs 🤗

GG, who are the "others" whose support you need to say to your dh "nonsense. I will read when it suits me. Please amuse yourself for an hour while I finish this"?

Does it matter if he is sarcastic or upset? He has dementia. He should NOT be "driving the bus" of the relationship.

Go to a different dr-ENT and you will know one way or another whether allergies, stress, or something else. LO had horse throat for a month-tried cold meds-antibiotic. I wish it had been a cold or allergy-yes LO had some horrible testing done it was necessary to confirm diagnosis. It was bad still in treatment 4 years later for cancer.

What were you hoping from your visit to the doctor? It sounds like you are under a great deal of stress and that you are convinced this is the cause of your occasionally hoarse voice. So what were you hoping the doctor would say to you to help?

Have you considered finding someone who could talk with you about a good way to deal with the stress that you think is causing the problem?

Doctors have medicine and procedures. That's what they can offer you when you visit.

Doctors want to control and medicate, if I knew before what I know now I wouldn’t have to spend the next couple years tapering off the meds they gave me that they knew nothing about.

surgeons want to operate, docs want to medicate, you get whatever ever response they’re programmed to give. Your having a normal response to an abnormal situation.

Go out take a walk, find a way to get some help so you can take a break. I am told you get burn out after 2 years and become inefficient. We can’t do it all no matter how much we want to.

?