I have friends who are lovely, but have relatively carefree lives. They are not dealing with an aging parent. It has been a much harder path for me, lately, and I’m very tired. I talk a bit about it with them, but then go on to more pleasant subjects.
My sense is that they don’t really understand what’s involved. Does anyone else have that experience?
"I was having an blissfully normal conversation with mom until she told me to move aside because she couldn't read the sign the girl behind me was holding up."
So my friends laugh, because my face isn't showing the corresponding emotion, which is wistfulness. I don't admonish them for finding humor, it's understandable.
Your friends will never understand that cold chill you get when dementia comes out during a moment of blessed calm.
They won't "get it" that you feel hopeless and helpless much of the time and that you can feel the situation aging you.
They won't have had the experience that you've had - of total surrealism, when you're just standing there like, "Is this even happening? Is this REAL?"
They won't know how you feel, unless they experience it with their parent or partner.
And we all pray earnestly that our friends never know, because we wouldn't wish this on another living soul.
TBF. How would they know? It’s one thing to see it in regard to another person, but it’s an entirely different thing once they experience it for themselves.
As an RN I knew early on I could never attempt to take on 24/7 care. I knew I would not be able to do it, because I knew that 12 hour shifts 3 days a week were killers; therefore survival doing it 24/7 was out of the question.
We can try to imagine what it is to have a new baby. Until we have one, however, we cannot ever have full empathy with what it entails.
Same with cancer. We can imagine; but we haven't done it until we do it.
It only makes sense.
People can be obnoxious at times. Especially those who are Pollyanna types. They are constantly trying to convince others that things ‘aren’t so bad’ or that there is a ‘silver lining.’ They believe that ‘everything happens for a reason.’
Life stinks at times. You know it. I know it. So, just let them live in their delusional fantasy world if they want to.
If they run into problems themselves in the future, they’ll realize what you went through.
I have had others tell me after they experienced similar issues tell me that they were sorry for not understanding what it was like for me as a caregiver. I appreciated that they finally acknowledged how hard it is to be a caregiver.
My caregiver days are over now. My parents are deceased. I’m very sorry that you are struggling. I wish you peace.
Thank you also for wishing me peace. I wish that for myself, and everyone else on this forum, too.
I’m paranoid about aging , being difficult with dementia . I don’t want to do this to my kids . I want to be that rare pleasant cooperative little old senile lady .
Or have the sense to end it .
It’s like trying to get a guy to understand what giving birth is like .
Ignorance is bliss. Sometimes I envy our friends with care free lives that escaped it .