Do you feel trapped?

Oh Honey..................you have so much on your plate and that just stinks. But know what? You can do this. You really can. Your husband and children look up to you and are counting on your strength. So vent away on this site!! It's sooooooo good for you. It has helped me tremendously to pour out my feelings on line. You are definitely not alone.
I am also a Christian and you are right...............we try to do the right thing and for the right reasons but that doesn't mean you can't feel like screaming or pushing someone down the stairs! (Sorry, you know what I mean).
My best advice for you is to vent, vent, vent. Also, lower your expectations on a daily basis. I said a prayer for you and your husband and your children. I think it is fair to say that it's best to look at your MIL in a clinical way. That helps me most with my MIL. I pretend I am a nurse and she is my wacked out patient. It helps.
you are NOT ALONE.

I would get a nanny cam. Usually these are used to protect the patient, but in your case you would be using it to protect the caregiver. Brickhousesecurity has a DVR256 Weather Clock Hidden Camera.The device is automatically set to circular recording, so it will overwrite the oldest file it has stored, ensuring that you'll never run out of memory.

That doesn't mean you can't feel like pushing someone down the stairs LMAO!!!

Oh... I thank the Lord that even when my flesh is weak, He is strong.

thank you for the laugh!

RUkiddinme oh my heart goes out to you! I've also had to deal with elderly/terminal narcissistic in laws and heroin addict brother in law living with us... It's all a learning process with little rewards...

First things first. Sit down with your husband and figure out how to get MIL out of your house! She probably can apply for medicaid and you have your own family to deal with. Hugs!

RUK, I just want to chip in a massive "thank you." You've been so honest, so open, I'd like you to realise how incredibly helpful it is to all the rest of us who are wrestling with feeling bad about not being good - good as in goody-goody, I mean. We'd all like to be perfect, forgiving, loving, tolerant, patient - all those virtuous things. It's so important to know that NOBODY can live up to that all the time.

Ref your recovering daughter: there but for the grace of God go I and mine. I wish her strength and health in the future.

Ref your pillar of strength daughter: treasure her.

Ref yourself: you are an inspiringly good person. You have the same human feelings as the rest of us; but the difference is that instead of going nuts by denying them, or at the other extreme instead of failing by indulging them, you're feeling them and doing the right things anyway. God bless you.

To answer original question, do I feel trapped? Yes I do!!

I am experiencing the same thing with my boyfriends grandma (plus his mother, grandmas daughter). Her daughter called her son a few states away and told him that I lock her in the closet, which sparked him calling here and asking about it. Grandma has called her daughter saying I lock her in her room, she has called my boyfriend saying I beat our kid with things other than my hand (and I will admit, I am a parent that will give a swat on his diaper covered butt with my HAND) when he is acting up.

I have made it a point to call her DIL, (the only one who sees her mental capacity is starting to diminish) and explained everything going on with her. Fortunately she knows that we take the best care of her that we can, and anything else said would be absurd, BUT she also asks me when she is told things that don't seem right, (which is fine) and I get them cleared up. Try to make it a point to let people know what is going on with her "thought process". If they TRUELY know her and you, they will know what is made up and not take it to heart. Also let them know if they hear things from her that it is OKAY to bring it to your attention so you can clear the matter up.


Desiree

MariaLake, I do apologise - AandA's reminder is timely, I should have kept to your question!

What I meant to say before I got sidetracked: your MIL's story-telling must make you feel terribly uncomfortable because of the way they leave open that tiny little wormhole for "grain of truth" or "no smoke without fire" ideas. How upsetting. The webcam idea sounds pretty foolproof; but in addition be open with her visitors about the things she's saying, and then trust them to have to sense they were born with and not give credence to her tales.

The irony is that, if you do stand guard the whole time, it could even look like you're trying to keep her incommunicado! This whole situation is grossly unfair and disconcerting - hope you find a solution you're comfortable with very soon.

Oh and I too feel totally TRAPPED!!! I want out and I have no idea how to make it happen. I've thought about trying Medicaid or whatever to get her into a home, but she says they'll take all but $100 of her money and they aren't taking her money. Well, when you're a spendthrift, irresponsible and don't have 2 nickels to rub together those are the breaks... I showed her an apartment about 8 years ago - it wasn't fancy but it was nice, immaculate, in a great area... Honestly, it was great even if it was a bit small. She said "I won't live here!! This is a cave! I won't live in a place like this!!" Instead she steals my home and family... I just want my home and I want her gone. I don't know if she moved out if we could find a way to enjoy being around her again or not... I do know we could be a lot more tolerant in small doses...

RUK - I hear you!!! My problem is actually my own mother. My husband is a saint for dealing with her. She has never slept around - actually, she doesn't like men. She just expects to force us to take care of her. She has stolen our family and out home. The thing is, what do we do with her? There is no one else. She really can't afford her own place and has squandered everything with her spendthrift prina donna ways. The agreement when we bought this home in order to house her and not have her live in the Hood was that she would pay several hundred a month in rent. Mind you she binges and eats us out of house and home, she does tiny loads of laundry every time you're turning around, uses towels and wash cloths only once and then won't let other things be washed with them, she leaves her TV etc on 24/7, takes multiple baths etc a day... In other words isn't paying the bills so doesn't care our electric bill is $350/mo or water is $150. She too expects meals to just materialize. She's like a flipping cat - smells food and comes running. None of us can frankly stand her - not even our child. She's worn us all out. It's pretty sad when a child thinks you're crazy and can't stand you. Our child tells us even their friends think she's crazy when they visit. Wow... She was diagnosed eons ago with a psychosis, but I'm not sure it was accurate. At the very least she is incredibly narcissistic. If all that wasn't bad enough she always stiffs us in Nov and Dec and throughout the year when she doesn't feel like paying. I swear she thinks she's 16 and she most definitely has entitlement issues. This year she only paid 5 months and hasn't paid a dime since early September. She isn't even contributing for food. This is a little thing, but we have to drive 25-30 mins to get our eggs. They are $4/doz and the hens aren't producing as much right now. So, these eggs are gold. I have asked her to buy her own eggs since she goes through them like crazy (literally the only thing she'll cook for herself). In 4 days she's gone through a dozen (maybe more). I am so angry. Worse yet she was shopping like there was no tomorrow at Christmas - buying friends $30 cheap jewelry gifts - just a lot of junk. Shopping like mad on our dime basically. I spoke with her about it and she flippantly said "Yes I know. I's been bothering me." REALLY?!?!?! Well, when something bothers normal people they rectify the situation. There was no apology and there has been no move to pay etc. Christmas was a disaster. I lost it - after opening the 5th piece of junk that wasn't at all me or something I could use or even like. One of the "gifts" was something I expressly said I didn't want and that I could never use due to allergies, but she wanted to support her church so foisted it on me anyway. I lost it, because all I saw was what I could've bought had I used the money she was supposed to pay. Now, I NEVER do that. I rarely ever buy anything for myself. I pay bills. I even told her "Gee, I could take my family on a vacation if we just didn't pay our bills for 3+ months." Again, no response. She doesn't want to get it - she simply wants no responsibility. She wants to live WAY above her means. Anyway, I am done. I have no "mother" feelings and I frankly despise her and, of course, feel guilty about that. Then I'm angry because I feel this way. I shouldn't be in this position. We don't have adult children, we haven't lived our lives. We deserve this season and she's stolen it. I am also done, because I have taken care of her my entire life and I am sick of it. I just don't know how to get rid of her. Yes, that is what I want - I want her out of my house and frankly out of my life. Sad isn't it? My friends all have these amazing parents, they shop with their moms etc - they enjoy them. I want that desperately, but not with her. That just isn't there and frankly I think she's so destroyed our relationship that it couldn't ever be healthy. Actually, I don't think she's capable of it. I don't see her ever changing. I mean she's been in our home for 5 LONG years. During that time she's taught my child bad habits, ruined my child's sleep because she's up all night binging and banging (she is SO loud)... If I had a dime for every time I've explained the situation and asked her to please stop I could afford to put her in a home. I've asked her to be considerate, explained she is not living alone and that her behavior effects us - she simply doesn't care. My husband says she lives in her own world and reality - he is right. Oh and the talking to herself (again LOUDLY) - it never stops - totally creeps my husband out... See, he was raised by normal people - not perfect, but normal. My MIL would NEVER do this to any of her children. I love my MIL - I am VERY capable of love... I just have none left for one of the people I should love most....