I'm going through a lot of emotions right now. My mother is at an end stage and we don't believe it'll be much longer. I feel like maybe if I had tried to feed her more, or take her out more often that she wouldn't be declining so young and so quickly. She is on hospice but I feel terrible right now. I feel very insecure about all of this and I know hospice is there to help me get through it all, but I just cannot stop thinking about this. She has lived with me for 6 years now and I can't really figure out if it is me or a natural thing. Am I alone in feeling this way?
No you are not alone. There is always more we can think of that might have made others lives better. There was always more they could have done to make our lives better. We do the best we can most of the time. We try to do better. They call us human.
This is a tough time. I'm glad you have hospice to help you through. There was no other outcome for your mom. It's hard but there comes a time when we have to let go. I'm sorry.
Now it is so normal to start going through the "what ifs"... my gosh if only I did this or that. Even though my parents had the best of care, and my Dad always thanking me, I was still questioning myself after they had passed.
Your feelings are natural, as your Mom is now going through the circle of life. And that you are using Hospice to help Mom's transition be painless and smooth.
At least you love your mom and she loves you (I am assuming the latter!) I doubt if my mother ever dies, I will shed a tear. Now THAT'S tragic. She has chosen her life, and she is seeing the end results of being a MIA mother, grandmother and ggrandmother. It's not that we don't love her, she's simply exhausting to be with.
Hospice will help you tremendously. When daddy died they guided us so gently and calmly through that hard time. I hope your mother has a peaceful passing, whatever her age. Daddy was only 76 and far too young. BUT, his legacy of unconditional love for his family will live forever.
Peace to you in this hard time.
We're taught that sickness and death are bad things in our life. Midkid said it well -- death is just part of life. I like to think that when we die we cross over to the other side. That way it is not a sad thing, just the start of a new life in a healthy body. I wish we could see what is on the other side. If we knew, we probably wouldn't be sad. ((((Hugs))))
Thinking of you. I'm very sorry to hear about this extremely difficult time. Sending all my thoughts and prayers. You are loving and dutiful daughter for living with and caring for your mom all these years. Please know you are not alone. It is a heartbreaking time and its only natural and normal to ask "what if."
Its been 9 months since my father passed away and I still do it. I told myself to stop but I can't. The guilt, the regrets and all the what ifs still linger in my mind. I know its hard but try to be gentle with yourself. I have to steal these words from someone else, but they really helped me. He said "you did good, you are good." Simple but true, my friend.
Sending you all my love and hugs.
I'd also read about the stages of progression, so that you can reassure yourself that certain things will happen eventually. I found that focusing on my LO's comfort was helpful.