Do we try to take dad out of the nursing home for the day for Thanksgiving?

It seems like you're thinking more about yourself here than about your father. You say he's agitated & confused when taken out of his environment, wanting to go back home, yet you are wondering if you should take him out of his environment for a holiday he has no awareness of?

No, you shouldn't.

Holidays are one-day events for people who are in good enough mental and physical condition to enjoy them. Forcing someone who's not mentally or physically capable of celebrating a holiday to 'enjoy' it because it's what everyone else is doing doesn't make a bit of sense. Enjoy your holiday with your loved ones, and separately with your father, in a safer, more controlled environment where there will be little or no stress to him involved.

Either eat a Thanksgiving meal with him over at the NH, or bring him a meal he can eat at his own leisure.

It's okay to enjoy the holiday without feeling guilty that your father is 'missing out'. He's not.

Would your dad even know if he was celebrating Thanksgiving elsewhere or would it be too  much for him? It sounds as if you are trying to assuage your guilt vs what would be good for your dad. Leave him in the NH where he comfortable and taken care of by trained staff. Visit him. Have a great Thanksgiving with your brother.

As a good friend once asked me "Are you do this for him, or are you doing this for you?" I find that it is a good question to ask myself when I start wanting to do things because of guilty feelings.

This is not about you and your wants, it is about his needs. He needs to stay where he is, you have acknowledged that this type of venture upsets him, so why even consider it?

Please do what is right for him, you do not need to impress anyone and there is absolutely no reason to feel guilty.

Let him be and enjoy your day knowing that he is safe and secure in his "Home".

It is best for Dad that he stay in the nursing home. No need to feel guilt about doing what is best for him.

if you want, bring him a tray of his favourite TG foods, either later in the day or on Friday.

The same applies to Christmas.

I just lost my dad to advanced dementia a week ago today. He was in a memory care facility. I think taking your dad out to a family gathering would be confusing and overwhelming for him. I get where you are, my dad was incontinent and the thought of dealing with that was scary. What I was doing was taking him out for an hour or so to a park and buying something like chicken McNuggets that he could easily eat. It was peaceful and he enjoyed the fresh air to get outside of the facility building. One on one was much better than a bigger group. My dad's facility generally had a holiday meal one week prior to the actual holiday and I always made it to those things (Father's Day, Christmas, etc.). That all being said, now that he's gone I am thankful that I rose to the challenge to take him out when I did, and I am feeling some pangs of guilt for not making the effort more often. I took him out for a car ride two days before he died - it was stressful that day handling him by myself but when I got the call at 6 AM that he had just died in his room, I found comfort that I had spent that last Sunday afternoon with him.....

Sounds like your dad enjoys being in his familiar surroundings. I would advise you let him be and bring a plate to him, maybe a couple of Thanksgiving themed Mylar balloons....they are at the Dollar Tree or 99 cent store...Let him be, you may be feeling like you NEED to get him out because you’d want to if you were in his shoes, but he is comfortable right where he is.

I get that there are family and societal expectations surrounding holiday gatherings but reacting to that is not in anybody's best interests - you know that taking him out is not a gift to him and will in fact cause him (and no doubt everyone else) unnecessary distress, so why are you even considering it? It's not about what you/your family want or what you think he should want but about facing the reality of what IS.

I know you want to bring your father for Thanksgiving and that is wonderful,l but it is not in his best interest. No w/c, stairs, never changed him previously, gets confused and wants to go back the NH, It sounds very difficult. Perhaps visit him the day before at the NH or visit him on Thanksgiving morning, if practical. My mother was in the hospital one Thanksgiving, and the hospital provided a room for our family. We brought the Thanksgiving meal to the hospital and celebrated with mom and family. Perhaps the family can set aside a few hours to celebrate with your dad. Wishing you a most enjoyable day with your dad and family.

The first year anniversary of life changing events like your dad's is often tough on the family, i.e. the first Thanksgiving and the first Christmas, etc. I assume that he went in to the nursing home after last Christmas since he's been there 11 month. It's part of grieving what is no more and adjusting to a new normal.

Guilt is for doing something morally wrong which is often also not legal. You have not done anything to warrant guilt.