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We had employed 4 separate caregivers 24/7; 7 days a week to help care for my aging mother the last year and a half before she passed away. We spent over $85,000 to employ them.


We were beginning to run out of money prior to her passing. We don’t have a lot of money left over to pay them too extravagantly, but we were wondering what kind of gift should we give each one? Any ideas? If monetary, how much? Being that it’s 4 separate people we have to split the dollar amount 4 ways.

Lmh- For me, it's not the amount of money or the gift, but a thoughtful thank you card with sincere thanks for their help would mean so much more. If they need a reference letter for their next job, you can write a glowy one for them, or if they work for an agency, a letter to their boss telling him/her what a great job they did for your family.

As for gift, I would lean towards money, in whatever amount you feel comfortable giving, unless you know what things they like or need and want to give them those. If you can't give them as much as you want, tell them that. They will understand and appreciate your thoughtful gifts.
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disgustedtoo Mar 3, 2020
Agreed that a profuse thank you card/note, plus promise of excellent references if they would like them would be a great start!

Tidying up all the financials would need to be handled first, so as to not run short if any required payments are needed (taxes, attys, etc) If you want to include a monetary gift before the dust settles, you could use your own (and any other family members who might want to contribute) and get reimbursement later, if there are any funds left over.

I would also keep it generic, such as a Visa or MC gift card. These would be usable anywhere. RE agent had StarBucks cards for us after mom's condo sale, but I don't go there, so it was of no use to me!

No experience really with in-home care-givers (sure we had some, 1 hr/day but it didn't last long, thanks to mom!) We did give $90 ea ($360 total) as a first year end "gift" at the facility (it gets split by someone else, to everyone), but I didn't repeat it due to lack of funds for me and distaste dealing with bros. I'll likely do it from the trust, if there's anything left, after she passes, but I want it to go to those who provide the hands-on, not all the staff in the whole facility.
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To add to my comments earlier, when I decided to quit my full time job to work at home part time and be home full time for my daughter, I had to let the nanny go, I gave her one month salary. My logic was that it would take her a few weeks to find the next job, so a month worth of salary would help her with expenses until her next paycheck.
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When money is a concern, and I don’t see how it wouldn’t be after paying so much for so long, I think it would be nice to write a card of thanks to each and include a gift card to a restaurant or perhaps a place you know each enjoys shopping. And I’m truly sorry for your loss
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Lmhcreativecare, my Dad had two regular scheduled caregivers for over a year, and when he passed, I sent them a thank you card and each a check.

When Christmas rolled around a couple months later, I found some nice holiday cards that reflected thanks for the great work they did. Without those two wonderful ladies, I would have been totally lost.
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Lmhcreativecare Feb 28, 2020
If you don’t mind if I ask, how much did you give each one? That’s what I’m struggling with. We still need to resolve the estate matters so not sure how much more money needs to go out. I thought about waiting until we pay all the lawyer fees & go through probate to see how much is still left. That way I’ll know how much we can afford to give each one. I certainly don’t want to insult them, but we need to be sure we cover all the expenses before we can give them more.
$150 for a Gift Card each to Olive Garden/Restaurant sound appropriate?
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The bottom line is this is still a job for them.

Imagine putting your heart and soul into a job then opening up a card with nothing in it.

Don’t worry about the agency and their rules. Give them each a crisp $100 bill in that thank you card. Four hundred bucks is worth the strain they took off your family and the loving care they provided.
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akdaughter Mar 3, 2020
My mom spent the last months of her life in a memory care facility. There were two employees who provided loving, compassionate and competent care. There were others who did not measure up to these two. The facility had a rule against gifts to individual caregivers, but after mom died, they were no longer her caregivers, so in my mind the rule did not apply. I gifted them each a couple of $100 bills and thanked them for their care. These individuals worked very hard and I felt they deserved to know how much I appreciated them.
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Polarbear makes a good point. If agency aides, I would not give them a severance pay, but if private maybe a weeks pay. Even private aides know they could lose their job anytime.

I think $1OO/150 giftcard would be nice. A nice night out for family. If they are agency nurses I would send a letter for ea aide to the boss saying how grateful you are with care given. Giving the good points of each one. If private, a good reference.

Once probate is done, then u can decide if you want to give a monetary gift.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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My mother has two private caregivers, not hired from an agency. They have been with her for, one over ten years and the other six years. I give them a cash bonus at the end of the year of $500 for the longest caregiver and $300 for the one whose worked 6 years. They both have families and appreciate the cash. When mom dies I plan to give the longest employed a $1000 and the other $500. I read once that the rule for bonus end of year “tips” can be up to what would be a one month worth of a normal salary. In addition, I often gift them at some holidays with a large ham to share with their families. The two we have are long time loyal caregivers.
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FloridaDD Mar 3, 2020
Don't know what you mean by rule for tips, but any cash bonus, tip or whatever you want to call it must go on a W-2.  The ham likely does not have to go on a W-2.

Most people I know do not get a bonus of one month's salary, including lower paid people.
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Hello,

I do not have paid caregivers for my mom, it’s all on me. However I agree with a few others that mention letting their agency know how wonderful they were, a reference/referral letter goes a long way with any career.

As for the caregivers directly, a thank you card with a $50 Visa gift card for each is a very nice and generous thought. If you want to give more then go for it but any amount is fine!

This is very nice of you, in the business world if you lost or left a job you would not receive your bonus...
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Reply to Dollie1974
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A thank you card and providing a good reference for them is all you need to do.
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Reply to SeniorsHelp
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My mother just past Saturday. I gave her aid a weeks pay extra.
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