I want to do or give something very special for my father's home aide.

There is a beautiful sterling silver necklace that my Dad bought a long time ago....told me a couple years ago that he meant it for their silver wedding anniversary, but had forgotten in the bottom of the lock box.

I was digging in that box today to find his discharge papers (must have them for a burial at the veterans cemetery). I found that necklace. I asked Mom about it. She said she could not wear silver because of an alergy. I bet Dad would have liked his care giver to have it, mom thinks he would have given it to her long since if he had ever remembered it in there.

Tomorrow I will go and get a gift box from the jeweler. Mom will give it to her at the funeral.

Katiekate, I was just thinking about the same thing, as my Dad had two wonderful caregivers who were with him for a year, oh how they fussed over him. Dad had recently passed.

Both caregivers came to the funeral and the cover of the Mass booklet had my Dad's photo, so they have a photo to remember him.

Since my Mom had previous passed, I asked Dad's caregiver what was his favorite shirt since she use to get him dressed in the morning. That was the shirt I was going to take to the funeral home.

When I was downsizing my Dad's Independent Living apartment as he was moving to Memory Care, there was a lamp table that I didn't want for myself so I was going to donate it... one of Dad's caregivers asked if she could have it, and I said yes. I will have to see if the other caregiver wanted anything from his apartment, chances are she won't.

Flowers are always nice, I also like Target gift cards. But I need to get the caregiver's home addresses since they came from a licensed Agency.

Katiekate, if she is from an agency there may be rules against accepting anything of value from clients. Perhaps it is different after the client dies, but I'd check with the agency first. The last thing you want is for her to get in trouble or to feel guilty about "sneaking" the gift.

If she is private or if it is OK with agency rules, something of monetary value, such as a gift certificate for a restaurant or a popular local store, with a lovely thank-you card she could keep would be thoughtful.

Jessie, I think those are great ideas. Maybe giving a gift certificate for a nice dinner out for her (and significant other, if there is one). That's a nice gift of appreciation. If she is a private caregiver hired directly, some severance would be helpful to her.

Will there be a funeral or wake service? I chose my grandmother's wake to highlight the woman who came unfailingly every week to give my grandmother mass (or whatever the Catholic service is) for decades while she was homebound. It was the least I could do - to tell grandmother's family about how much this woman had been a true friend to her.

Maybe there will be a chance to honor her at a family gathering. Have her lead the prayer, or...? Is there some nice tchotchke of dad's you can give her?

I'm not very imaginative. I would frame a picture of my father for her, then take her and her husband (if she's married) out for a nice dinner if they are interested.

If she was a private caregiver, I would help cushion the loss of the client with some severance pay. If she is with an agency, I wouldn't do that. I hope that the other things would let her know how much she was appreciated. Maybe you could also mention her in his services. She sounds like she became a member of the family for the time she worked with you.