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My grandmother has had dementia since 2012. After her eldest daughter of 4 told her I was possessed by Satan, she is now suing me in court. The details of my situation are that my grandmother has four children, 3 of which are content with my grandmothers end of life plans, one is completely against them.
My grandmother and I have had a special relationship since childhood and she named me as POA and Health Care Surrogate 11 years ago. She also made me and her sons beneficiaries of her estate. My grandmothers wishes were for the two of us to take care of the family after she was gone and none of her plans have changed since 2006. I have held, in succession, 3 POA's and health care surrogates to be able to give my grandmother care in her end of life. This role has been extremely important to me and I have sacrificed a great deal both personally and professionally to look after my grandmother.
All this being said, the daughter that was unhappy with my grandmothers end of life plans told my grandmother that I am possesed by the devil and out to get her. She talked my grandmother into removing me as POA and to place a police officer outside of our family as her POA. (An off duty police officer that used to work for us in our families business that is now receiving her estate and can take over the lawsuit against me if my grandmother dies prior to the lawsuits conclusion. Weird. None of the family understand why this police officer is now the beneficiary of her estate and have not seen or been told the new end of life plans.
I have had my grandmothers complete medical history and reviewed it. She scored a 21 out of 30 on her MMSE in 2012 and has been diagnosed by her doctor of 23 years as having mild to moderate dementia since 2012. My grandmother also can not ambulate, is full diabetic, has had a UTI for almost 4 years form her severe incontenence that is immune to oral antibiotics, and high blood pressure.
Since being removed as POA in the fall of 2015, I have been removed from my grandmothers life by her evil daughter. In addition, this daughter and her husband wrote a lawsuit and had an attorney file it with my grandmother as the Plaintiff. The suit claims I abused my grandmother and broke my fuduciary responsibility to her, among other things. So, my grandmother is now suing me in civil court and "supposedly filed," a 103 page lawsuit against me. This suit claims that I abused her.
Seeing that she is being used like this has broken my heart. I have not responded to the lawsuit because I know my grandmother is not aware of what it says or that she is even suing me. I know this because she has left this voicemails for me and her children that state she isn't suing anyone and never would. She also says that she never hired an attorney.
Currently, my grandmother has also spent over $30,000 to sue me to undo her end of life plans. I have also spent all the money I have to defend myself and don't know what to do. My aunt is using my grandmothers money to fund a lawsuit against me that has no merit and my grandmother is unaware of.
I have been slandered in the lawsuit and there is literally no proof of anything. In fact, my Aunt filed an Adult Protective Services report on me for abusing my grandmother, and the investigation proved that there was zero abuse from me and that there was no risk from me. Actually, the APS agent advised me to not be around my grandmother because she is dangerous. I have not shown this to the court and now that I have no money for an attorney, I don't know how.
I don't have money for an attorney and do not know what to do. I have exhasuted myself, do not want to counter sue my grandmother, and don't know how to ask the judge to look at her medical records, the APS investigation and outcome, and make the judge aware that this attorney and my aunt are taking complete advantage of my grandmother.
Any help to this horrible situation I amm facing is very well appreciated. I currently know that there is no supervision over my grandmother and am very concerned for her well being. We both live in Florida.

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You say your grandmother is the plaintiff, she also has alzheimer/dementia and thinks you are a demon. What do you do in this situation? I suggested a call to APS for a wellness check. I say also, go to court, who is going to rule on a case where the plaintiff is obviously not capable of testifying due to diminished capacity. You also have the backing of other family members. You are all set. No need to work yourself up emotionally over those posters who you think do not understand what you need from posting of your question. Good luck with the court case.
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I gree with Armyretired, get APS involved, Again, rhis time, have Your Grandmother evaluated, without the influence of your eldest Auntie in the picture. You stated that you don't know if this lawsuit against you has been filed, but im thinking that you would know, as you would have received notification from the court. Also, how was your Aunt able to have and irrevocable POA removed, with our a court judgement, and then, what were the qualifying factors in the changeoverto this retired Police officer. And why would your Grandmother turn her entire estate over to just him? I don't know a lot of such legal matters, but if you explained more in depth, you will probably get more helpful responses. So yes, some of your answers and respnses don't make sense, plus the 3 succesive POA's? Again, unclear what that means? I hope you are able to find help with your situation, as it sounds like your Grandmother need someone in her court right now! Coercion of the elderly is a crime in itself! Your Aunt shouldn't be allowed to alienate all of her children, no matter how nice the gifts she brings to her are! Your Grandmother sounds like a pawn in a very large inheritance scheme. I'm not saying you are involved in this scheme, but it sure sounds like others are!
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FWIW, I support RM's viewpoints. I found inconsistencies in your description of the lawsuit and related issues; someone who was really a defendant wouldn't have made those comments.
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Boohoo. Bye bye, troll.
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Rainmom, you are a very important person, obviously. All of your credentials MUST empower you to assume and tell others about "holes," in a story. I hope that you keep up the good work and keep talking down to others whenever you can.

Obviously, you are here to feel important and I'm guessing that you do now. The POA's in succession were isued by my grandmothers attorney's. Holes? Actually, asking questions rather than giving blind answers to belittle others are the acts of the self righteous... like you.
Now I'll delete my account and stop asking for help because of the likes of people like you that know everything, are quick to assume, and the first to judge. I'm glad to hear about what a great job you are doing and hope you keep up the good work.
Lastly, being condemned by someone that is looking to assert their opinion without asking questions and knowing facts is pathetic.
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helpforgrandma - wow. What ever made you think when you posted your problem on a public, anonymous forum people would line up to tell you want you wanted to hear presented in a pretty package. I'm so tired of hearing "oh, your not supporting me" when people don't like what they read. Frankly, it's not clear as day as from what I'm reading in the way of responses - no one else can figure out what your talking about either. For the record I am both health and financial DPOA for my 89 yr old mother who has dementia - I arrange for and over see all of her care. I did the same for my father until he passed away. I have guardianship of my adult disabled son. I have a irrevocably trust for my son. I am sole trustee for this trust. I was executor of my fathers estate and will execute my mothers estate when she passes. If I don't have experience in matters similar to yours - than nobody does. However, clearly you are either not being completely candid regarding your situation or you don't know what you're talking about because your story is full of holes. What was it three or four POAs in six years? That alone is a giant, waving red flag. But don't you worry - I'm done here.
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If you do not see what I'm looking for, then kindly reread the post. It is clear as day that I am looking for insight from others as to what their experience has been and how to get my grandmother care. Obviously you can't help and are not adding anything constructive, and I'm not looking for ciritcism but rather support.
I am very appreciative, again, to all who have contributed and am only hoping to further my understanding.
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Maybe it would help if you narrow down what type of insight you're looking for. Legal? How to talk to you aunt? An exorcist? JUST KIDDING on the last one. But seriously- what are you looking for?
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If you feel your grandmother is not getting proper care, you can call APS and have a wellness check done. The lawsuit sounds frivolous and ridiculous. If you being a demon is the basis for the lawsuit, I wouldn't worry. No judge is going to allow such nonsense in their courtroom let alone rule on such an asinine reason.
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Help, don't you wonder if the demonic possession bit came from Grandma rather than aunt?

Ok. Your grandmother set up an irrevocable POA

- actually, I noticed earlier that you said you'd already been through 3 of them. One should be plenty! What was going on there? -

which, as the name suggests, she can't revoke. Therefore the only way to change it would be either to prove it was originally invalid, or to assassinate the character of the person with POA - and, see you in court!

So, note, your aunt's dealings in this situation don't have to have anything to do with her actually thinking you are possessed, or evil, or anything else. But if she wants to get POA away from you, that's the only way she can do it.

Next question: why would she feel she must do that?
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And again, advice is free and I've been given plenty. I am only asking for advice to try to further my understanding.
Obviously this is very important to me. If you think that enough has been said, than thank you and kindly exit. If I receive one more insight that I didn;t have, than it is worth asking for more help. :)
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Lol, if I'm trying to get money? As a rule, if you don't have anything nice to say...
please just don't say anything at all.

I sincerely appreciate all of the help and hope to hear more. Obviously, I am in a poisition that I am trying to find out how to care for my grandmother as she is now living alone with all of her myriad of health issues (insulin dependant diabetes, inabilit to walk, chronic UTI from sever incontinance, high blood pressure, dementia, paranoia, etc.) My aunt has allowed her to do this and my grandmother is not being cared for correctly. As a combined front, my family wants what is best for grandma... and this is very helpful and useful insight. :)
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Yep, Babalou pretty much sums it up.
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If you're trying to get us to send you money, it won't work.

You've been given good advice here. Follow it. Work with the part of the family that is sane. Get guardianship. Or go to court with your uncles' and mother's money.
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The attorney's fee's have been paid for because my grandmother has as much money as she wants to spend on making sure she gets to heaven, because she has been convinced that I am working for the devil. Although, the outcome of the Adult Protective Services Report that was done on me concluded I did absolutely nothing wrong. I also have the voicemails where my grandmother states she didn't get an attorney, isn't suing me, and there are a few of these.
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The plaintiff of the case is my grandmother. And, the attorney that filed the claim has literally no factual basis to any of the claims.
I do not want to sue my grandmother and I have overwhelming evidence that I did not do anything that they claim. The problem is that I have spent over 20,000 dollars to get this lawsuit to the point it is at now and am out of money. Currently, I have not provided my evidence and it appears that she has more money to outlast me in court, even though grandma doesn't know she is even suing me.
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This Aunt, the eldest of my grandmothers 4 children, and has always felt she was entitled to my grandmothers estate. My grandmother became extremely leary of her in the 1990's, because she called a family meeting to tell her three siblings that she was putting my grandmother in a nursing home.
Since that happened, my grandmother has alwasy been leary of her eldest daughter because of her motivations. My grandmothers estate makes a ton of money a month ($20,000) and is worth several million. This Aunt was actually kicked out of any end of life planning for my grandmother in 2006 that named me and myself and uncle as the POa's and beneficiaries to her Trust. My grandmother kicked her out of this meeting and she has never known the inside information of how my grandmother set up her plans and her wishes because she tried to run the meeting and go against my grandmothers wishes.
Furthermore, when my Aunt mailed a letter to my uncle and grandmother saying that I was possesed by the devil, she told my grandmother that she was dying of cancer and has been showering grandmother with gifts because she recenlty received money from a lawsuit.
My grandmothers biggest fear was of her oldest daughter and now she has completely alienated my grandmother from our entire family. It is incredible what she has been able to accomplish and our family is unable to understand what course of action would be best.
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I am in agreement with FF regarding the questionable actions of your aunts attorney. Seems to me and from what I know about how all this works - once grandma has been diagnosed with dementia it becomes more difficult for any changes to be made to her "plan". Although as FF points out - dementia is progressive and at the start many people are still competent. I think you definately need to get an attorney to start figuring out exactly who is named as the plaintiff - if it's your aunt you may still have a fight depending on what she is claiming and if she has proof. But if it is your grandma, the whole thing could get tossed based on her competency diagnosis. I can't imagine any ethical attorney representing your grandma. But I still think your best defense is to file for guardianship and all your aunts issued will be aired and either proved to have merit or to be s bunch of hooey.
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helpforgrandma, we are trying to piece together what is going on, thus the reason some of us are questioning. Normally a person who files a lawsuit doesn't pay the attorney unless the case is lost, except for normal administration costs and maybe a retainer fee. That is why I am questioning the $30k cost for your Grandmother.

I did read your profile and it says that your Grandmother has Alzheimer's/Dementia. Please note that dementia has different phases, and it always gets worse. Sounds like it has. Now I am questioning the ethics of an Attorney who takes on a lawsuit by a client who has such dementia.
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Is it possible to go about this in a round about way - file for guardianship of your grandma. I'm not completely certain but if you are successful the lawyer could be paid from your grandmas estate. Since you have been looking after your grandma for so long and you have the support of 3 of 4 children - and if there is no evidence of wrongdoing I would think you would stand a good chance of being awarded guardianship. If nothing else it could put some pressure on the law suit filing child. A judge might also appoint an independent guardian which would at least be better than what's currently going on.
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Your grandmother clearly wouldn't have a clue what's going on. Don't worry about that - she isn't active in this at all. Your aunt is acting in your grandmother's name. She has also, quite adroitly in fact, enrolled a person known to the family and (presumably) of good character to assume POA and act on your grandmother's behalf.

It sounds as though essentially this rigmarole has been gone through because your aunt believes that your grandmother's end of life care plans are not safe in your hands, and she wants you relieved of your powers of attorney and those powers instead given to someone she trusts. It says something that she hasn't attempted to take over POA herself, or applied for Guardianship herself.

She also hasn't mentioned demonic possession in any of the suits, I notice. Just to your grandmother. Your aunt isn't as nuts as all that then, is she?

Do you know what the root of your aunt's disagreement with the care plans is? Or do you in fact suspect that it's the will that's the trouble?
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What proof do you have that a suit was filed? Have you been served with papers? If so, get your family to help you get legal representation.
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In addition to my above response, the lawsuit is 103 pages and looks identical to a letter that my aunt and uncle sent to family members 6 months prior to this law suit. My grandmother has admitted in voicemails to all of her children that she doesnt understand whats going on, she does not have an attorney, and would never sue anyone. So, might seem crazy but there it is. Our family is all in disbelief that this is happening and that the attorney even filed the lawsuit because my grandmother has extensive proof of dementia in her medical records.
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So, let me answer a few points of contention.
1. My grandmother made her irrivocable Trust and is suing me because she wants to take the Trust away after making it irrivocable.
2. I know that she has spent 30k to sue me (not change her POA,) because her three children are as hurt and shocked at this situation as I am. She has told her daughter (my mother) and her other children who can not get through to her because she says she is fighting a spiritual war against the devil who is controling my life.
3. Her lawsuit is to give the benefit of her estate away from her family as it has been for over 12 years.
4. I can tell you of a back story... if you have specific questions than ask. I am here to for support, not accusations. There is obviously a backstory in all situations.

Thank you for all of the feedback and I apologize in advance if my words seem anything other than respectful.
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I agree with GardenArtist, it doesn't make sense that your Grandmother spent $30k to change POA, etc. To change a name on a POA would be more like $300 if that. Maybe Grandmother had sent up an extensive trust, and $30k was placed in the Trust.
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you have the prince of darkness to guide you . how could you go wrong ?
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"I need there's definitely a back story here and posters need to know about it to provide succinct answers. " should be I THINK there's ...."
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You also wrote:

"In addition, this daughter and her husband wrote a lawsuit and had an attorney file it with my grandmother as the Plaintiff." Attorneys in my experience don't accept lawsuits written by nonlegal personnel, especially if it's 103 pages long. Something's missing here.

You also wrote: "Currently, my grandmother has also spent over $30,000 to sue me to undo her end of life plans." I need there's definitely a back story here and posters need to know about it to provide succinct answers.

How is it that you are aware of the $30K amount, and why would your grandmother sue YOU to change her own end of life plans? All she has to do is have an attorney prepare a codicil to her will, or prepare an amendment and restatement if she has a living trust.
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One very important thing you should know: If you don't file an Answer within the specified time (used to be 20 or 30 days from date of service; I don't remember for sure now), a default judgment can be entered against you.

This can be a monetary judgment; it can a judgment with interaction restrictions, such as permanently barring you from contact with your grandmother.

The first thing you need to do is get an attorney to represent you and ask for an extension to file an answer. If that time has past and a judgment has been entered, you'll need an attorney's help to file a Motion to Set Aside Default Judgment.

This IS SERIOUS STUFF!

As to other specifics, you write that your GM supposedly filed a 103 page lawsuit. That lawsuit should have been served along with the Summons. I don't understand why you don't have it. This makes no sense at all and i wonder if the alleged lawsuit really has been filed.

Even if you don't have money, you're going to have to find some, somehow, somewhere, even if you take out a HELOC on your house. Otherwise, you're going to be in a lot of legal trouble.

Maybe this needs to be said bluntly: stop worrying about your GM and start worrying about your own condition. You're in a lot of trouble, if what you write is accurate, and justifying here isn't going to solve the problem. Get an attorney, NOW.

If your GM in fact doesn't realize she filed the suit, you have an issue of possible coercion by the daughter; this should be addressed with an attorney.

I do have the feeling though that there's a lot more to this story.
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