He's in college, studying for 2 huge finals, one tomorrow and one in three days. His father was admitted to the hospital last night after his regular doctor's appointment when they noticed the massive swelling in his legs, difficulty breathing, kidney problems, and heart issues. He has been living with diabetes, pulmonary fibrosis, and congestive heart failure for some time now.
At the moment, my boyfriend believes this is just another one of those appointments that follow when his dad skips some medication for a few days, and they're just getting him back on track.
However, when I came home from work today, my boyfriend's mother told me that the doctors are discussing hospice and end of life care. She told me she hadn't told my boyfriend so he can just focus on his studies.
I'm having trouble with this already. I don't want to keep this from him until after his final three days from now. I want to tell him what's going on right now. I've never been fond of keeping things from people, I believe that since it pertains to his dad he should be kept up in the loop and hear about things as they happen. It hurts my heart to watch him going about his day, not knowing anything is the matter.
i absolutely jumped to conclusions about hospice, the only times i've ever experienced it was with a friend who lived a little under a week after the fact, and my grandfather who stuck around for a month.
Stay Strong.
You don't want your boyfriend to resent you if you gave him the news and he couldn't focus on his college exams. Hospice patients have been known to live on for many months.
Thank you to those of you who offered me support as opposed to accusing me of "blabbing" and ruining my boyfriend's future or not being a part of the family (I am a part of the family. They've told me so, and I don't have any other family so what's a girl to do.)
I'm only 21, I thought maybe some of you guys would be older and more mature. That's why I came here. I wasn't really looking for any form of judgement, maybe some understanding, but mostly some kind advice. The news broke my heart.
That being said, I've chosen to keep quiet unless he asks me if I know anything he doesn't. He's already asked me if I knew anything, and I didn't.
Don't tell your boyfriend. Let him get through his finals. Someday, when you are much older you will probably understand where we are coming from.
I agree his Mom should not have told you. But it's her decision that your boyfriend not know until he gets home.
You do not want to be responsible for him blowing his finals. Let him get home safe. Let his family break the bad news.
My family just went through this situation after the first of the year with my brother in law and his 2 kids.
All my best. This is going to be very hard.
Anyhow - it's not your place to tell your boyfriend, that right and decision is his mothers. It might be different if the dad was expected to pass any moment but it doesn't sound like that's the diagnosis. Nothing good will come of you blabbing what was told you in confidence- your boyfriend will possibly blow his finals and his mom will know you can't be trusted and likely hold a grudge for a long, long - long time.
Nothing in life is certain, but I would expect your boyfriend's father to hold out 'til then at least - hospice and end of life care discussions do mean "terminal" but they don't by any means mean "imminent." And if, God forbid, the worst should happen then the college's compassionate leave exceptions will swing into action and they'll deal with it.
I agree with you on the not keeping bad news from people, but I can't help thinking that if your boyfriend really wanted to know his antennae would have twitched and he'd have asked. I'm sure he *does* want to know - just not as much right now as he wants to concentrate on his finals. Keep your counsel, and keep busy.
I must say, though, I think your boyfriend's mother didn't do you any favours sharing this with you. Is she short of people to confide in or something?