My Mom has CoPD and has declined in the last few days; low heart rate and low oxygen sats. She says she knows she's dying and has given me funeral requests. Does she in fact, really know if she is dying?
I really need to talk with someone. My 83 yr dad has stage IV COPD and many other problems and last weekend he gave me some papers from hospice and his 5 wishes. His every day life is getting harder and harder he last for about 2hrs in his chair and then he starts nodding off and if I don't leave so he can get rest he will make his self stay up (which I leave when he gets that way) He has no life outside his apartment he always was a very intelligent person and would speak in an intellect way but now he can only say a few words at a time. Me I'm a mess because I live about 88 miles from him and own my business so I can't see him everyday I go down every weekend. It seems to me that he is either giving up or just knows it's about time but I don't want to let him go. And that is so selfish of me. How can I deal with this. I call him everyday and he struggles to talk with me and after I talk with him I just burst out in tears.
janethend, of course you don't want to let him go. And, yes, that is selfish, but it sure is also natural! You do need to talk with someone. Come here as often as you like! Do you have a close friend or a cousin to talk with? That could help. Even if the person lives hundreds of miles away, email and phone calls can be very comforting.
It is the natural order of things for all of us to lose our parents. (It is especially sad when the reverse happens, and a parent loses a child.) At 83 and with a serious medical condition your father is very wise to be thinking ahead with the 5 Wishes (healthcare directive) and to be considering hospice. It is kind of a shocking wake-up call to you, but many people on this site would really appreciate it if their parent took that step. He must love you to give you that information and reduce the decisions you'll have to make. And, as you say, he is intelligent.
It is good you can talk to him every day. Give him plenty of time to get his words out, and perhaps be prepared to do most of the talking.
My mom called me in the day before she died. She was very anxious and worried. She had me call her financial advisor and told me where to find plans for her funeral, etc. I finally calmed her enough to help her get dressed and took her out to the garden where she ate a couple spoonfuls of ice cream. The next day my sister's family from London came to visit her. They went out for lunch and when they got back my mother was gone. God bless her. It's been 6 years and I miss her so much!!!!
My dad is 91 and has been in declining health for nearly three years now. He asked his brother recently to write his obit. As I was going through his papers today, I noticed he had written a goodbye note to my mom (who is 89 and living), me, and my two brothers. It's sad - but, he can't even walk or get out of bed without help now. I think he knows his time is short. In his note, he said it was time to 'meet his maker.'
My dad had a small stroke and was in the hospital. He got a bit worse and was left without speech but was still alert. He pointed to himself, then to the clock. Dummy me, I said, "Do you want to know what time it is?" He shook his head "no". It took me a few minutes to figure out he was telling me, "It's my time" (to die). He knew but, of course, I told him that he would get better, etc. He just closed his eyes for a minute. I cried, knowing he was right.
I so feel for everyone who has gone through this. In 2016, my Dad was lying in his hospital bed, so strong all his life but then all of a sudden in his late 80's so many hospitalizations. So trying to keep on, but in the end he had big swallowing problems and kept getting aspiration pneumonia.
A Dr. came in and said "You will not get better." He had been in the hospital so many times in those last few months. He really had almost no veins left to put needles into.
He told me, after that person left, "I'm ready to die." His mind was good. I was so sad to hear him say that. I started to cry as I had tried to save him for so long and he had done so well in the summer. Now it was Oct. and things had changed.
Nurses suggested Hospice. I couldn't do it at first. Then I called them back and did it. It felt horrible - like giving up. But he went home where he had always wanted to be. (He didn't want to be in a nursing home.)
A few days later, in the morning, he got up, ate breakfast, shaved, read the paper as usual, and then said "I want to lie down..." (unusual). 24 hours later he was gone. He sat up once surprisingly, and talked to a friend that came in. He talked for a moment about seeing old relatives who had gone before him. And I know he talked to a wonderful young priest who was there for final rites. This is weird but the telephone rang just before he died and he yelled "telephone!" like he always did. That was the last word he spoke.
Then we held his hands for about 2 hours on our knees... we said we love you, everything will be alright.. we did give him a little morphine at the end... I was so depressed later about maybe he was afraid... what is like... what is it? I don't know. But from what I saw, I think sometimes they do know and it's OK.
Just want to say everyone's stories here are so touching. So sorry for everyone's loss. This website is so good when you are feeling down and alone. You read this and you know you are not alone and there are so many others that are going through the same things as you are. It is a real comfort.
The day before he died, some friends from church came to the nursing home to pray for my father. He'd never quite recovered from the delirium he'd experienced with sepsis. He kept saying, "I'm dying. I'm dying." Of course we knew his days were numbered. We just didn't realize how soon. He passed sometime in wee hours of the following morning. I don't know how he knew, but I can assure you, he knew.
It is the natural order of things for all of us to lose our parents. (It is especially sad when the reverse happens, and a parent loses a child.) At 83 and with a serious medical condition your father is very wise to be thinking ahead with the 5 Wishes (healthcare directive) and to be considering hospice. It is kind of a shocking wake-up call to you, but many people on this site would really appreciate it if their parent took that step. He must love you to give you that information and reduce the decisions you'll have to make. And, as you say, he is intelligent.
It is good you can talk to him every day. Give him plenty of time to get his words out, and perhaps be prepared to do most of the talking.
Hugs to you.
In 2016, my Dad was lying in his hospital bed, so strong all his life but then all of a sudden in his late 80's so many hospitalizations. So trying to keep on, but in the end he had big swallowing problems and kept getting aspiration pneumonia.
A Dr. came in and said "You will not get better." He had been in the hospital so many times in those last few months. He really had almost no veins left to put needles into.
He told me, after that person left, "I'm ready to die." His mind was good. I was so sad to hear him say that. I started to cry as I had tried to save him for so long and he had done so well in the summer. Now it was Oct. and things had changed.
Nurses suggested Hospice. I couldn't do it at first. Then I called them back and did it. It felt horrible - like giving up. But he went home where he had always wanted to be. (He didn't want to be in a nursing home.)
A few days later, in the morning, he got up, ate breakfast, shaved, read the paper as usual, and then said "I want to lie down..." (unusual). 24 hours later he was gone. He sat up once surprisingly, and talked to a friend that came in. He talked for a moment about seeing old relatives who had gone before him. And I know he talked to a wonderful young priest who was there for final rites.
This is weird but the telephone rang just before he died and he yelled "telephone!" like he always did. That was the last word he spoke.
Then we held his hands for about 2 hours on our knees... we said we love you, everything will be alright.. we did give him a little morphine at the end... I was so depressed later about maybe he was afraid... what is like... what is it? I don't know. But from what I saw, I think sometimes they do know and it's OK.