Do dementia patients have a negative disposition?

It does not matter if it is dementia or old age. Being old and useless and having physical and mental problems is horrible and cruel and ugly. Who would NOT be depressed. The point where it matters is if this behavior is affecting YOU and harming your way of life and it is getting worse. You either make them stop or you remove them before you are destroyed by their behaviors. You do NOT put up with it. You can love them and care for them but you do NOT allow them to negatively impact YOUR life. And if you do, you are a fool.

Here is what I think -
1. Women live longer than men
2. Very old women gave up their lives to be housewives. Staying home insulated them from the cares and stresses of daily life so they live longer.
3. Women with no skills other than home care and who become long-lived filled their psyches with their own importance, narcissism.
3a. Women from this age group never questioned that their daughters would take them in. They never realized their daughters would become professionals.
4. We are at the tail end of those aged, dependent, narcissistic women.
5. We shall have to see if old professional women face waning years with better attitudes.

My mom died at 95. She never drove, worked, banked, or paid bills. Think about it —she never left the house alone, all of her life. NEVER. The last years of her life were brutal. All of her life she had consoled herself with how special she was. When I placed her in a lovely memory care facility, every visit was about how much better (or smarter or prettier or richer) she was compared to everybody else there. Visiting her was agony, not because she was ill or in pain, but because she was bitter and mean.

My 98 year old mother has a positive disposition, but has been that way all her life.
I am glad your gran has a loving family. She might be depressed and should see her doctor, perhaps a little medication might help.

No, my mother had her bad days but for the most part was happy to see visitors and participate in activities.

Sad to say but I don’t think any old person is ever happy it comes with old age by the looks of it my mother depresses the life out of me and it’s hard when you go in to see her I sit in the car before I go in and dread going in to see her as all she wants to do is die and is negative about absolutely everything is there anyone out there who has a happy old one that is no trouble at all and is always cheerful?

I think they’re frustrated with their minds. In the beginning I’m sure it’s scary to realize how much you’re forgetting then even worse when the doctor confirms it. There is a lot of energy spent fighting it & it’s draining & it’s a losing battle. Many people on the outside don’t understand what it’s like for them. When my mother would appear angry, it was out of frustration for not being able to understand words, situations, etc. She was angry at herself & not only couldn’t she control her mind, but it was her emotions too. I had an emotionally unstable teenage daughter in the house the same time that my mother was going through her lack of emotional control. I was the only other person in the house & it was all I could do to keep the mood in the house light. My mother’s moods have lessened but yes dementia causes “negativity”. But that’s because they are afraid. Have compassion & give routine, reassurance, happy things they love (fav comedy shows with laugh tracks are reassuring-no scary shows or murder mysteries because mood tones in the background affect them), fav foods regularly, regular bedtimes & waking times, etc. Once a routine is established that works for them, it takes away a lot of insecurities.

Only 8% of people with Dementia, are euphoric. My Mom is extremely negative now. It is so hard.

Becky139....
Why don't you ask her sometime what she is thinking about?
My own opinion based on my own experience is, by the time people reach their 60's or so, they have experienced major losses, and life is hard as we age anyway. But, after losing much of our "nuclear" family, the beloved parents and maybe sibs, and perhaps losing a spouse of 50 or more years, life is very painful, sad and lonely.
Ask her from time to time what is she thinking about? You may even get blessed by hearing stories out of the past! I love hearing about a person's history, especially from an older family member, although, in my case now, I am that older family member! 😆
But, I have older friends and I ask them to "tell me bout the 'good, 'ol days'"! I love to re-live their memories with them....I've even written down a dear friend's memory so to add it to my own writings, all to be passed down....so future family members can read and think about them.
Encourage her to share her memories....you'll be surprised and amazed at things and events others before you have experienced! Try it! I'll bet you'll like it!
Also, having faith in Jesus Christ makes a world of difference....because learning about God via the Bible, and trusting one's soul to Him removes all doubts and fears about dying, death, and where we'll spend eternity. "We don't trust in Christ for the smooth flight. We trust in Christ for the Safe Landing!" ---Ray Comfort---
May all of you be blessed by our Lord, and to all here, Shalom! 💜🕊💜

Marte I would agree that antidepressants are overused, that people sometimes reach for them as a first resort when time and talking, among other things, might be better options. But when it's a matter of acute, endogenous, clinical depression caused by changes in the brain and imbalances of hormones, and this has been properly investigated and considered, there most certainly are cases where antidepressants can prevent untold mental suffering. Yes it did comfort me to see my mother's nameless dread and overwhelming misery relieved, but not nearly as much as it comforted her.

The antidepressant is for the comfort of everybody but the patient. What goes around, comes around. If you are comfortable minimizing-medicating your loved one's unhappiness, expect the same for yourself someday.

My mom was a very upbeat, cheerful and loving woman. After a few years of dementia, she began to withdraw and isolate herself because she had FTD and was losing her ability speak and understand others' speech. But after 10 years, she is still basically content and upbeat. She just silently chuckles in place of talking.

Becky139: Imho, perhaps she has always been a 'glass half empty' person. She may require medication.

She needs meds for depression. My mom on prozac (depression) and trazadone (agitation) and she does great. 88 yrs old.

My grandmother didn’t have dementia, but was miserable most of the time. When she wasn’t miserable she was worrying about… oh, pretty much everything. The weather, her family, falling, death, bills, food possibly going bad in the fridge, that story on the news about a crime that took place on the other side of town. All day.

We took her out for her birthday once. Middle of dinner my mom asked her how she liked everything. She frowned and said, “I don’t care for it.” Okay then, sorry we tried to give you a good birthday.

We tried for years to get her to take a mild antidepressant or calming meds. She would never hear of it, yelling how they would make her addicted, doped up, or ‘crazy’. She was afraid of any medication and would take half the dose of anything prescribed to her (even antibiotics) because she was afraid she would overdose and die from the prescribed amount. A relative who is a nurse practitioner explained how meds work and they were safe to take. Nope, grandmother wanted to tough everything out.

It’s sad that she spent her whole life angry, afraid, and depressed, when it never had to be that way. She suffered so much, needlessly. Meds can work wonders when taken properly.

My husband has a loving kind spirit and even during his worse episodes he is kind just withdrawn. Always loving. Just so involved inwardly that he can't concentrate outwardly. He is on Aricept and Paxil and
Ativan.

https://medium.com/publishous/growing-old-is-not-for-the-fainthearted-b8849028c007

My mother was this way for a while, especially during COVID. We finally got her on the right antidepressant and she improved dramatically.

Find music of her era, put it on and see if it transforms her. Often times I would put on Frank Sinatra or any popular music of her generation and while I was cleaning she would be singing away along to it. It worked every time. Another thing that used to work until she couldn't keep up with the plot was put on Turner Classic Movies from the 40's. Also, the elderly have a penchant for game shows. My Mom loved Family Feud or some of the older, classic ones.
My Mom used to do word find puzzles too. I like the suggestion of asking her to clip coupons or any household task. It's all about them reminiscing about the past and distracting them from their feelings of isolation and lack of independence. You can only do so much - but whatever distraction you can make that brings her back to herself is a win.

I worked with Dementia patients for years. While some of them tend to focus on the negative, antidepressants, structured routine and enriching activities can help tremendously. Alot of people correct their loved ones in moments of confusion, which can often be very unsettling (and unneccessary). Everyday tasks or chores can help them feel needed and allow them to practice things like hand-eye-coordination, spacial recognition, etc. (I really need to get these coupons clipped and just don't have the time. Can you help me?) Music is a time machine. Everyday I would put on Shirley Temple or records of their eras of song and watch the years melt away. During sundowning, entering their world was key to keeping them settled, confident and content (Don't worry, I called your mom and she wants you to stay and have dinner with the girls ). All of this is extremely hard to manage for families as ot truly is a full time job. I always suggest for families to look into programs that have day care situations or, if it becomes too difficult to provide quality of life, a good NH with quality enrichment.

I hear your pain. You can’t change her disposition but just keep
loving her. My mom was like that. We had a birthday party for her and she did not appreciate it, but then she never was a “people person”.
When it was over she said, “ I never want to do that again,” as we took her back to the nursing home.

Dementia may amplify existing personality traits at the same time it removes social and conversational filters. You are probably seeing the "real gran," at least as she is with her declining abilities. There is also depression at not feeling useful or able to do anything. It is common for a person with dementia to ask, " What am I here for? "

In addition to helping her as needed, are there any tasks she can f2f do to feel she had a reason to "be hete?, ". Some of our posters write about having their LO fold towels or match socks. Perhaps there are some household tasks that can be modified to her abilities which would help her feel useful.

Was she unhappy most the time before she got dementia?

You didn't mention how old she was but some people, especially after losing their spouse are ready to go and no longer want to live.
Ask your Gran what she would like to do or at least give her a clue choices.
Remember it isn't fun to start forgetting everything.
Maybe she'd like to make an album with pictures of her growing up or pictures of her and her family.
Maybe her just staring out the window is kind of like people day dreaming and you're just taking it like she's unhappy?
Prayers for Gran

Unfortunately I have the same exact problem with my mom. She doesn't want to watch TV, read, do puzzles, crafts..nothing but sit there. I've tried everything to involve her in and now the answer is NO to everything. She sits and stares also, but is quick to tell you what to do. The wash won't even stop spinning yet when she tells me that I have to put the laundry in the dryer.
I feel for you so much because I know you want her to be happy. I think that depending on the dementia, it changes a part of the brain that can deal with happiness. I try to get a good belly laugh out of her each time I'm there. Mostly over sayings that they used when they were younger. Once I had my shoes off and she said " put your shoes on Lucy, don't you know your in the big city"! It cracks me up and then cracks her up. I think laughter is the best medicine! Try and ask her about her younger self and the things she did and the sayings they used. Try once because I know it could backfire and make her more unhappy that she can't do those things anymore. I wish you all the best and know that you are not alone!!

Dementia does not cause negativity. However, many seniors do suffer from depression. Please consider evaluation and treatment by a geriatric psychiatrist.

Everybody including doctors seem to think a magic pill will fix everything. Well, they don't. Sometimes they seems to help...but they can also do harm and is especially risky for the elderly. SSRIs and SNRIs can have side effects and can cause constipation, diarrhea, nausea, vomiting, anorexia, headaches, excessive sleepiness or insomnia...and worse yet increase confusion, agitation, anxiety, and increase risk of falls leading to fractures and brain bleeds.

I walked my mom every single day for 5 years in the park and it did wonders for her. When it was rainy I took her to an enclosed parking lot and we walked there.

Of her 15 years of Alzheimer's she never was on any kind of psychotropic or narcotic, and the complications of her long-term insulin dependent diabetes killed her (chronic kidney and liver diseases). Still she managed to live to be 90 years, 3 months. She also had high cholesterol due to her diabetes despite the sugars being well managed--I could not treat it because of chronic liver disease. Cholesterol medications would have tore up her liver, and she could not communicate if she were having side effects from statins. So despite doctors trying to push statins on her I refused them for her because of her liver problems.

I think exercise made a big difference and she was bedridden for the last 2-1/2 months of her life, because she literally forgot how to walk and could no longer focus on that task of standing.

I sacrificed my life for her. But she was my mom and I love her dearly...not even death can take my love for her away but I grieve her loss everyday and it's been nearly 2 years without her. I ADAPTED...because we ALL die. So I came to terms with it...but I still miss her very very badly. Still if she were alive her brain would have been 100% gone from Alzheimer's. The last months of her life I had to use a feeding tube to keep her from dehydrating to death which can take weeks. Still, she died very comfortably and hospice came over daily to make sure she was comfortable and she was -- and we never did have to use that "comfort pack". She had the most peaceful death you can ever imagine and her family surrounded her in the end. She was surrounded with love to the end.

Everybody commented how great her skin looked. Not one mark.

Try taking her for walks everyday in the park. Do it daily. If she needs a walker, then use a walker. I always told my mom "this is the most important medication you will ever have--daily walks". I treated walking like a medication. Keep up a daily routine. I also took her out to the stores as long as I could (that was before COVID). If you need a wheelchair, use a wheelchair. Keep her going as long as you can.

I would think each person would react to the damage done to their brain differently. I’ve heard many can’t recall current events but are able to remember things from decades ago. Who knows what memories are in her mind now. But having Alzheimer’s would be terrible.

@Becky139. I'm sorry for your troubles and I have no advice. Just wanted to say I'd do anything to have a family of origin like yours - people who care about their relative. Bravo to all of you.

Mental outlook and attitude are not a choice when you have dementia. You and I can look around and recognize the good we have. With dementia, portions of the brain are dying, so choices, and perking up and being grateful are not alway an option. It would be like expecting an amputee to use the hand they lost. Just because you can’t see the deficit, doesn’t mean it’s not real. Different portions of the brain effect so many different aspects of how we respond to stimulation, understanding which dementia ( there are over 100) and what it effects/controls is the first step for caregiver/ family

Oh.... And anti-depressants may work but be very careful. They could also do some harm in other areas. Just monitor her closely as im sure you all would do. They actually didn't work for my mom and gave other side affects that were negative. Not all medications work and could be harmful. That's with all meds. So do your research. The best Drs. She can have are her family who are with her and can monitor her everyday. Don't just let the drs experiment or go with everything they say. Listen ask questions do your research watch her after she starts them and don't be afraid to say no or tell them this isn't working.

Read more about dementia and what it does to a person. No one case is necessarily similiar. Dementia is not about you or your family and how much you love her. It is a brain, mood, behavior, altering disease. She is not the same person and no one knows what is going on in her head especially not her. Don't take it personal but be there for her regardless and whatever her behavior is just be patient and understand its the disease and remember who she was. Try and help her in any way possible. You will change too. Its inevitable unless you have full time help where a group of you pitch in to help her so one gets burned out. Just remember what she is today may be different tomorrow or next week or next month. Imagine going to the grocery store then coming out not knowing where you are.. Or the next day not knowing how to drive or not being able to remember simple things. Dementia is a terrible mind altering disease and loved ones may not act the way you think or want. Just support as much as you can and be there like you all are.