For the past few months my mom (73) started to have extreme dizziness. It had been constant for days at a time and wouldn't cease, she even felt dizzy while laying down. Anytime she would get up she immediately felt like she was going to fall backwards. I thought it could be dehydration but when I got her to drink more water it didn't seem to help much.
A week after this started, she started to complain about a pain in her chest when she would breathe in. Every time she takes a breath, she says it's painful. It got to the point that every breath she took also caused her to whimper or cry out. She gasps for air quite often.
Along with all this, she also is fatigued and sleeps quite a lot. She also complains of other pains as well, mostly around her abdomen, her side and back and definitely has digestive issues.
Anyone know what the possibility of all this could be? My mom is extremely stubborn and refuses doctor care. She doesn't trust doctors and literally believes they are out to kill her, so I am unable to get her to one. I've had to call an ambulance in the past but she always refuses to accept help and will not go. Due to this they can never do anything and I feel helpless and lost in what to do.
I'd really appreciate any insight of what might be going on with her, or what I could do about this situation. I'm her sole caregiver and this reality of just being forced to deal with this because she refuses any outside help is draining me and affecting my own quality of life. I'm so depressed.
This could be literally ANYTHING, but the CERTAIN thing is that this is something for the MD.
If your mother has refused an ambulance to the hospital and refused to see an MD then she has chosen death over life. As long as she recognizes that and accepts it there's not much you can do. Her symptoms are cerebral-vascular and in that DIRE.
Again, without testing this could be anything. But if your mother refuses care, and EMS refuses to TAKE HER TO CARE, you cannot change anything by force in a competent person. So when she gives you her next complaint in this long litany of them shrug and tell her "Sorry to hear that. Let me know if you would like to see a doctor" and get on with your life. What other choice is there?
Enough already with what these elders "want"! You're giving up your life to care for the woman and do NOT want to watch her die in front of your eyes for something that may be fixable. She can go to the ER or the nearest nursing home for care. Her choice.
I wish I could get an official diagnosis with her, but I can't with her refusal to get checked by a doctor. :(
It would be okay to say I'm POA even if I'm not just so they take her? Or you think the EMTs would understand? It would be such a dream to get her in front of a doctor.
Thank you for your comment... I never imagined this is how real life was, where someone can be in so much pain and there is literally no help if the person just refuses things. It's so hard.
It seems your mom is not desiring of any treatment and therefore, hospice care is the obvious choice.
As POA (I am assuming you are) you are the one that will authorize treatment.
When you call 911 you can insist on transfer.
If mom declines there are a series of questions the paramedics can ask to determine if she is cognizant. But if you do have paperwork available that indicates you are in charge of her health and well being they will do as you instruct.
WE..on this forum can not diagnose a medical condition.
Side note...
If mom is on Hospice let the Hospice Nurse know what is going on and when something like this happens you can call the 24/7 number and talk to someone anytime of day or night.
Are you interested in saving your mother's life?
Or do you feel it's time to let her go?
Your answer to this really determines how you proceed from this point. Give it some thought.
A call to APS or your local Senior Services center they can evaluate her as to her needs. A Social Worker may start Guardianship proceedings. If you chose to be Guardian you will be appointed but if you do not wish this the Court Will appoint a Guardian. At that point her care will be out of your hands.
If she is taken to the hospital by the paramedics the medical staff will ask about POA. As "next of Kin" you would probably be able to make decisions BUT if you make a decision that they do not agree with then it could become tricky. (for example, If you want to take mom home and if they say she can not be discharge to your care because they do not feel that you are able to handle her care safely they may file paperwork to prohibit you from taking her home)
All supplies, equipment would be covered.
A nurse would come at least I time week. A CNA would come at least 2 times a week to give a bath or shower. And to order supplies. All supplies and medications would be delivered to your house.
There is a requirement that Medicare has that Hospice has Volunteers. You could request a volunteer to come and sit while you run out for a bit. They typically will not stay more than 3 to 4 hours. They can not do "hands on" care.
It is always worth a call to see if a person qualifies for Hospice care.
Do you live with her or her with you?
You are in burn out and the only way to stop this is to do something with her so you can regain your life.
Sending support your way
You need to take your mother to the ER immediately for diagnosis and treatment as we here on this forum can only speculate as to what’s going on with her medical condition. If your mother does not want to go to the ER by ambulance, you should drive her there.
Try your best to stay strong for yourself and your mother.
This isn't really what you asked, and apologies for diverting but, if she ever does end up going to the hospital, perhaps you should tell them she can't come back to your home as it would be an unsafe discharge, and have them place her someplace. It may seem mean to you, but often caregivers pass away before the people they are caring for due to the stress, and it sounds like you are there. Where would she be if that happens?
Best to claim your life back and have her taken care of by the system, with just you visiting. YOU have to go on living once she's gone, and if you let your health deteriorate too much, that could be difficult indeed.
One night she knocked on my door and told me she "didn't feel well". I couldn't get a specific complaint from her. I took her blood pressure (I'm a retired R.N.), her color and pulse seemed O.K. as well as her breathing. Nevertheless, due to her age, I called 911.
When they arrived, she steadfastly refused to go to the E.R. (They must have her permission unless she seems critical.) But I worried that something would happen to her and I'd feel responsible. She refused to go. I said to her "Look, you were concerned enough to come to me. I think you should go. Let a Dr. see you... "I'm 98", she says, "If I die, It's O.K.". It wasn't OK with me and I told her so! I faked some anger and said, "you want me to stay awake all night worrying about you? Is that what you want? Will you go for MY sake? I don't think you are dying, but if you do, how do you think I'll feel if I send these paramedics away and then you DIE?"
Don't know if a similar approach would work with your Mom or not. My friend was OK and made an appointment with her doc as advised by the ER. I "apologized" to her for the way I acted and we parted as friends. I've now moved away and don't know what has happened to her.