What if I didn't pick Dad up from rehab?

correction - *** a parent who has mentally, emotionally and or physically and sometimes sexually abused them all their life *** should read *** a parent who has mentally, emotionally abused them all their life, and/or physically and sometimes sexually as a child. ***

I need more coffee!!! :)

I agree with those who say that if you feel you cannot caregive any more, then be honest and say so, and say you cannot take him back home, as suggested by some of the posters.

To the others - there are some here who care for a parent who has mentally, emotionally and or physically and sometimes sexually abused them all their life. It is not recommended by experts that those care givers give hands-on care, but rather see that others care for their parent. Blueridge seems to fall in that category - "his manic/depressive/egotistic/delusions of grandeur personality is as bad as ever". I fall in that category and would never do hands on caregiving of my mother, but see that she is cared for at arm's length. Yes, the parent has been that bad, and yes we are still involved, as we do care. Staying at arm's length is done for self preservation.

BlueRidge - sounds like it is time to hand over the responsibility to the professionals, step back and start looking after yourself. If you refuse to take him back, saying you are not able to care for him - say so, stand your ground to whoever, and then they are obliged to find a placement for him. Tell them that you are past the end of your tether, that he has been abusive all your life and you cannot take any more. Good luck and come back and let us know who you make out.. ((((((hugs)))) do something good for you today.

I just wanted to voice my support in whatever decision you need to make to keep your sanity and your dad safe. I don't think we can criticize another caregiver for their decision to opt out of caring for a parent. It's a daunting task for anyone and when someone has dementia, it's all the more daunting. Hugs to you. Wish I knew the legal ins and outs, but I don't, so will leave that for others to advise you. But I think ba8alou has great advice. {{{Hugs to you}}}

The rehab will call you and tell you he's your father, and you're obligated to take care of him - just as he did when you were a child and growing up. If that doesn't work, they will call APS (adult protective service). They will do the same song and dance to you that the rehab did - but worse - threaten you with neglect. If you truly don't want to care for him anymore, just keep saying no. If you give in, and he moves back to your home, he would be the wiser. No more voluntary hospital visits because this time you really won't pick him up. He's out of your house, and now is the best time to stand your ground.

You sound overwhelmed! First, let's break this down into small steps. 1. Make it clear to the discharge folks that you are unable to care for dad any longer. 2. Find an eldercare attorney who can help you sort out paperwork and finances. 3. Find out if his current facility wil take him as Medicaid pending. If not, work with the discharge folks to find one that will. It sounds like right now dad needs memory care, but you should probably look into a continuous care community that will care for him throughout his last years.

Talk the social services group at rehab. They won't release him without knowing where and who will be taking care of him. Normally this conversation is well before discharge date. Just be honest with them. Sounds like you have done all you can. That is fine and nothing to feel guilty about.

You want him to have the best care but that doesn't mean you have to do it physically yourself. Your life is important and you deserve to enjoy it!

Best of luck!

man oh man.... I had to read what you wrote 5 times. I simply could not believe what you wrote and if that's how you truly feel, call your local Area on Aging and please do not bring you father back where you are. Neither of you are safe.

Yuck......It could be that I am semi new to this sight but holy h*ll...I've not seen harsher words than yours spoken about anyone. WHY? If my parent had of been that d*mn bad you could bet your butt I wouldn't know a darn thing of what's going on in their life!

Shutting up now because I don't know your circumstances... but it seems you'd like to pretend he never existed.

Yikes!

Did he live with you? Are you living at his house? Did you use to care for him prior to the surgery? Do you visit him or interact with him?

Sorry, it just seems very harsh.

If medicaid is dropping a bomb on you, I think it means somehow you've been involved or have some investment? POA? MPOA? DPOA?