Follow
Share

My 82yr old dads on Medicaid, living at home alone since leaving AL 2 months ago. Had stroke last year, has diabetes, and diabetic retinopathy, declared competent. I'm POA,both medical and financial. He has a 55 yr old homemaker through Help at Home services (who had been a "close friend" of his for years)... she comes 3 days a week for 2 hrs each day. Dad does not allow her to clean because all he wants to do is jump in car and go shopping. He gets only $634 in social security check... while still living at Al his Medicaid got denied... I had to get bank statements from 2009/2014 to Medicaid... apparently when he signed up for Medicaid he did not tell them he had more property other than his dumpy a** trailer he lived in. The other day the homemaker "friend" sold him her BOSE radio for $100... she took him to US Cellular to buy an iPhone per his request..,he's declared legally blind and she knows it).


Am I wrong for being MAD about this??
Am I wrong for being P*SSED because she didn't contact me regarding these purchases?? She has my number and I check in with her to see how it's going with dad but I haven't with this deal BECAUSE I called her BOSS and reported it! Am I overreacting?? Today I'm calling his case worker...his cabin is turning into another dump slowly and NO I didn't expect anything different...since he's competent I couldn't make him stay in AL.
He has an outstanding bill at AL for around $20,000


Is there somewhere I can read about "rules" for homemakers or dos and dont's???

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Thank you sendhelp 😊
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

That sounds like a really hard place to be, read about so often on here, the caregiver and the daughter. I don't think you are over-reacting at all. You have my support. The confusion created by not having the complete and accurate information early on is exactly h o w these con artists get away with the lies, and her new phone!!
Thank you for explaining the facts as you are still finding out!
It took 3 months, then, three more months, now it has been a total of 10 months to almost fully discover what had happened with my loved elder, and yes, just like with you, the elder held back vital and accurate information so we could not assist.
There is hope, and you can work this out as his daughter and POA.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I am not writing checks to her
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Sendhelp, yes I first posted that my dad bought the phone because that's what he told me (that was a week ago). Today I was told at our local small town gas station that the homemaker put him on her plan because it would be cheaper for him. Two days after my post here a week ago she texted me letting me know she has a new number. That threw up a red flag. I havent responded back yet.  I keep in touch with her to get updates on my dad since I struggle being his "caregiver from a distance" (we are neighbors) let alone his daughter.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

And of course the next bad news is she will get spoken to by her Boss, and tell your dad YOU reported her,, so it will still be your fault somehow.. but I do think you are right to be concerned... Maybe time for a new caregiver if you can get it done?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Yeah, CDNreader...her Dad cannot afford a sweetheart.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Dear Bella,

I think you did the right thing. Sadly, a lot of caregivers do take advantage and in the extreme cases abuse their clients financially, emotionally and physically. Its good that you are advocating for your dad. Its better to put a stop to this type of behaviour now. I have to agree with Barb don't hesitate to call social services if things are escalating.

I know its hard on your dad. He is probably lonely and he might even be sweet on her, but given his limited financial situation he has to be careful.

Keep us posted.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Social Security funds MUST be used for your Dad only. Not to give to a friend.
You can fix this! Social Securuty and APS should be on your side.

If you are writing checks to this "Caregiver/friend", just stop.

Going, going, going maybe "a want" of a person with Alzheimers/dementia/diabetes, but it is NOT good for them. So, he pays for "their dinner out?". Sheesh.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Bella, It says here that your Dad bought the phone. Who's plan is it then? On another thread, it was stated she put him on her plan?
Either way, this benefits her?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

👍👍💜
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Bella; I'm so sorry that your dad is no longer in AL; this is a long haul caregiving gig that you are involved in now and you are doing well to keep on top of this caregiver through her agency.

That way, it's not "your daughter says I can't.....", it's " MY BOSS says I can't, and I'll get fired if I do". That a whole different conversation, I hope, that your father may "get".

Or not.

If staying in his cabin becomes unsafe, call APS and let them take the reins.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

Thank you BarbBrooklyn I needed to hear that
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

You did the right thing. Although I assume this is " person centered, person directed care", there are limits to what home health is empowered to do. Housekeeping is number one after direct patient care. Friend/caregiver needs her boss, not you, to tell her what is allowable.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

Hi countrymouse!
Yes, probably should have called her first. I did tell her boss that I'm sure dad convinces her HE can clean and it's hard to say NO to him. The boss did say the homemaker is concerned that he won't let her clean. Boss said homemaker is on the road with dad too many hours.  I have had conversations with homemaker regarding this also..she tells me he wants to go go go! What threw me over the edge was buying the radio and a phone that he will not be able to operate   He has numbness in his fingers and can't even feel a small button let alone use the touchscreen plus with the blindness he has hecan't even see it   it does not make sense to me
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

I don't think you're over reacting. What was she thinking?!
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

I don't think you're overreacting; though I do think it might have been better to speak to her first before calling her boss.

Her role through the services agency should be pretty well-defined, and it certainly won't include selling her property to her client. Your dad needs to give her back her radio, and she needs to give him back the money.

Taking him somewhere if he asks her to take him is a bit different - that's up to him. But it depends, again, what it says in the services contract - for one thing, the agency will have insurance and it may not cover her if something happens to your dad outside the home while she is responsible for him.

How has the agency responded?
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.