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How long have you been providing her meals? What did she eat before that? I take it that she is no longer able to prepare her own food. Is she insulin dependent? How well controlled is her blood sugar? Does she have other health issues in addition to diabetes?
Sorry for all the questions, but a little more information might spark some specific suggstions.
If he understands what he should be doing for his health and he understands the consequences of his behavior, I guess he has to be allowed to make his own mistakes.
If part of this is about control -- he has to prove who is in charge -- then backing off might free him up to make better choices.
Is the fluid retention problem due to congestive heart failure? Is salt the problem? Does he understand that?
Sorry to hear that your grandmother is diabetic and will not eat what you give her. Unfortunately this is a common issues in many elders. Below is an article that can you help you with ways to get your grandmother to eat.
Ten Reasons Why Your Aging Parent May Not Be Eating Properly
Best of Luck,