Does anyone feel like they're developing dementia since caring for a parent with dementia??

Caring for an elderly with dementia is unbeleivably stressful even if you think youre doing ok! You are not getting dementia you are just so stressed that you go into a world of your own theres times I thought I was going nuts but its just stress I go into a shop and wonder what the hell im doing there? stress can do terrible things on our minds I do what I can to switch off from my mum even going for a walk helps! My mums deementia is diabetes related so no family history here but try not to think about you getting it youve enough to worry about none of us knows whats around the corner but worrying is not healthy just put it down to stress and try not to worry! Everybodys memory gets a little bad after 40 this is normal I wanted to play a song on youtube the other day and couldnt think of the band or the song then the next day it came to me this is stress also Im suffering from mild depression looking after my mum who wouldnt be depressed!

God, yes. I feel so often these past several months (at 46) as if I can't pull up basic words ... can't remember the name of this actress or that one ... of this product or that one ... what was that thing I needed at the grocery store ... why did I come into this room again ... and while I know everyone has more memory problems as they get older, and CERTAINLY it would not be unusual to have problems while being under the amount of stress I've been living with in the last year, I cannot help looking at my Dad and hearing this little voice in the back of my head whispering insidiously, "And so it begins. That's going to be you, that's going to be you, that's going to be you." I spend so much time on the Web, and have read so much about various dementias, and how they think some of these diseases really "start" decades before they get bad enough to be diagnosed ... and yes, I worry. I worry. I worry.

But I'm TRYING (believe me, not always successfully, and I'm sure you can relate!) not to worry so much ... I am neither religious nor a follower of any particular new-age or "other" philosophy, but I have friends of all stripes, and one of my friends who grew up in a particular sect is fond of saying that we "walk in the direction we're pointed in." While I adamantly reject the notion that anyone CHOOSES an essentially involuntary fate (like cancer or dementia -- leaving aside the few lifestyle choices we can make that may or may not help us have a slightly better chance of averting these outcomes, depending on what the studies are saying this week!), I do agree that it can't be healthy to dwell or fixate on the conviction that a particularly unpleasant possible future is the only one I can have. So I try actively to imagine and BELIEVE in other futures for myself.

Having said that, I also intend to keep a clear head and eye on myself, and not to be in denial if a dementia really does rear its ugly head. I can relate to your remark about asking your husband to help you help yourself out of the world if this happens to you (though be careful about this, as you wouldn't want to put him in a difficult legal position; different states have different attitudes about prosecuting anything that feels even vaguely like "assisted" suicide ... up to and including simply handing someone the drugs they then take). As I have written about elsewhere on this board, my mother was able to end her suffering legally at the end of her struggle with breast cancer because she lived in Oregon, one of the state's with a Death with Dignity Act, where it is possible to obtain a lethal prescription of sleeping pills if you are certified by two separate physicians as being within 6 months of death and in your right mind. At her passionate request, I helped her go through the process of obtaining her prescription and was present at her death, which was fast and peaceful, and exactly what I would want for myself or anyone else who was suffering as she had been. My father, who also lives in Oregon, will not have this option because he has dementia and by the time he can be diagnosed as within 6 months of death, will most certainly not be described by any doctor as in his right mind (I would say he already is not).

I learned the other day that one of my favorite sci fi/fantasy comic writers, Terry Pratchett, has Alzheimer's. Terry, a British writer, has apparently made no secret of the fact that he does not intend to live out this disease to its inevitable conclusion, though he is still living and working while he can in the UK. I read in an interview with him about Dignitas, a Swiss group that helps those with terminal illnesses and severe physical and mental illnesses to die assisted by qualified doctors and nurses. Obviously, people who want to avail themselves of this assistance have to travel outside the US to them, and many (including people from the US) have. It gave me some hope to learn that this organization existed (you can find more info about them on the Web), and I hope that it or something like it still exists if in the future if I need it ... because while I respect everyone's decision to make their own choice for themselves, I personally would want to be able to make the choice that my mother had -- and I despair of ever being given that right in this country. I'll count myself lucky if in the next 10 years, Death with Dignity comes to my state, as it is (so gradually, so painfully slowly) gradually spreading to other states (up to four now, I think?).

I know many will not agree that choice and/or would not elect to take it for themselves, and I respect that. I do not know, if push came to shove, what I would or will do ... but I know right now that it is an option that I would/will consider, and that keeping some money in reserve for international travel for this purpose is something that I intend to do if I possibly can.

Oh .. I know y'all are going to think I've gone around the bend, but here's my theory.

Those of us of who caregive, and especially the ones who embrace it and (yes, it's possible) enjoy it, are just a weeeeeeeee bit clairevoyant and empathic. And even some of us who don't like it or embrace it are. I'm convinced it's part of the genetic make-up.

I'm sure the 'experts' would say that the clairevoyance is merely that we've learned enough of the behaviors and nuances of our loved ones, that we can simply anticipate their needs or wants. Maybe. I don't think so. Many would call me crazy just to think it.

Those same experts would likely call the empathic stuff just our way of being sympathetic and being too involved. On that, I'd say they're not entirely wrong, but being empathic means you actually feel what they feel. My perfect example: I'd been caring for E about two years, full time and living in her house, when I started feeling like, "geeeeez, why am I here? why don't I just die? how soon can I arrange it?" I promise you they were NOT suicidal thoughts, I just wanted it all to end. And then, one day, I was telling our visiting nurse about it, and saying how difficult it was to stay positive around E, when something in me went .. "omigod .. how much of what I'm feeling is what *she's* feeling???" Cuz, I'm not the suicidal type, I know why I'm here on the planet, I know my purpose and I make every day count for something. Fortunately, I'm also one of those who, once I've identified a conflicting emotion can shut that door (in a good way = not bury it .. simply close access to what's causing it, emotionally) and walk away clear headed and healthier. So, I just chose to feel only MY feelings and the world seem to brighten and clarify.

Just my thoughts on it.

My sister-in-law and I both joke around about it being contagious : ) Since we began our caregiving adventure 6 months ago we have both noticed that we tend to forget a lot more.

my mother was amateur crazy. practicing. she never have the knack i had for self medicating. yea little pink mushrooms for you and i, yea, you and i..
john mellencamp. lol

My memory was worse when I had a new baby than it is now. As long as you can still figure out what day it is, as often as necessary, I think you're OK.

:) Oh yes, it is common to see and feel dementia symptoms when you are caregiving someone with dementia! Heck, when my mom with severe arthritis visit, my own arthritis seems worse.

I read about a study, reported in the Smithsonian recently, about infants and toddlers and their reactions to the misfortunes of other babies. Many of them felt bad if another kid in their playgroup felt bad. In some this empathy was very extreme, and some did not seem aware of the distress of others at all. But most were affected by the distress of others.

Seems "normal" to me that if someone we love a lot and are around a lot has some symptoms, we may feel those symptoms, too. I don't think this is about a pathology in our brains. I don't think I really have more severe arthritis when I am around my mother, or that I had dementia when I was caring for my husband. I think these are just "normal" reactions of an empathetic person.

Just my theory, though. It works for me. :)

im wearing kleenex boxes for slippers and eating dam chicken pumps. how crazy are you looking for?

Many of you may know this but research has shown that lots of fresh air and cutting out processed food,taking a few tablespoons of coconut oil every day and increasing your omegas can prevent dementia! I cant wait to start! GULP!

Captain what on earth are Chicken Pumps??

YES, I feel like I've got dementia too!! I can't believe it took a month for me to see this post, and that only 10 people responded. I'm sure there are more of us on here, but they don't want to admit it, OR they are like me and haven't seen it.

My husband has early onset Lewy Body Dementia, 12 years with symptoms and 5 yrs of that with a diagnosis. My grandmother had Alzheimers and my father had some sort of dementia, but the doctors never named it. So I may have genetics against me AND I'm in 24/7 contact with dementia.

I agree, or should I say desperately hope, that it is stress. After 7 years of telling doctors there was something wrong with my husband, the diagnosis at least told me I was not crazy, but dementia is another story. But if the stress of those 7 years, getting SS Disability, navigating VA benefits, and 5 yrs of caregiving, wasn't enough stress, I think the most stress is the unknown. The unknown of what is going to happen and when, AND when it is all said and done will there be enough for me to survive another 20-30 years.

It seems as his disease progresses the more my memory goes. I figure I'm thinking for two and working without a crystal ball, My brain is just not wired for that.

*laughs* ..

".. thinking for two .. "

Funny as it sounds .. it's right on.

When my mom was diagnosed with Dementia etc... about 24 years ago, I started noticing how forgetful I was. I think about 10 years later, my memory has gotten worse and went to my doc telling her that maybe I have Alz. She didn't think so. But to help allay my fears, she set up a referral to see my mom's neurologist. After talking with me for a while, he said that I do not have dementia. I left the consultation still believing that I'm beginning to have dementia and the neurologist is wrong. Well, I still think I'm slowly having dementia but no one is seeing the symptoms. =)

Most everybody does. The newness of the situation, the worry about the parent, the worry about whether we as offspring will develop it, as well and that good ol' faithful psychosomatic thing that happens to most of us tends to us think things that may not necessarily be there. So... Yes. :)

Even though my parents don't have dementia, only age related forgetfulness [senior moments], I find dealing with my Mom's health issues, my Dad's health issues, my significant other's health issues and my own [we are all senior citizens] it feels like my brain is on overload.

My primary doctor said it is all stress related regarding my own forgetfulness. It just takes longer to find the correct file cabinet in the brain and the folder that has the information I need. It can take a couple minutes, or the rest of the day and usually at midnight I get the ah ha moment of what I was trying to remember :)

Thank goodness for spell check, as my spelling has gotten terrible in the past year or maybe it's just my typing :P

My husband has vascular dementia, and makes no new memories at all. He forgets everything you say in minutes. He also has a colostomy, so although he does usually remember to change it in daytime, i have to get up 3 times a night to check. I have to do all household chores, bills, shopping, arrange and accompany him to all medical appointments, work out a suitable diet and give him meals at suitable times, keep up with his laundry, and try to keep some semblance of life myself. I often feel overloaded and despairing. One doesnt like to moan to your family and friends, as you prefer to forget for a short time, and anyway, anybody who can go home after helping can never really understand the relentlessness of being a carer.

Yea...Chicken pumps?

I don't know if my brain damage is from recreational drugs in the 70s, a misspent youth playing football, or worrying about my elderly parents for the last 5 years. I'll have another beer and ponder this..........

Captain, you could be creating a fashion statement with the Kleenex box foot ware. Some skillfully applied duct tape would really set it off....

That's most likely symptomatic of severe stress. I don't even take care of my mil but just from observing her I've told my husband he has to put me in a " home" if I get dementia. Old is looking so uninviting that I'm thinking of never taking advantage of any life saving procedures or such should I ever need it . We have difficult elder lies on both sides- no thanks!

Fast forward one year since my last post on this thread and what a difference. I really feel like I am losing my marbles and when I talk it's like someone kicked over the Scrabble board, can't get my words straight.... it's all stress because there are days when I feel like I could go on Jeopardy and win every game.

My Dad has gotten more stubborn with his mild short term memory where I feel like I am in that movie Groundhog Day.... and sadly my Mom had a terrible fall which damaged her brain so she went from being sharp as a tack one day to totally befuddle the next with pouts of delirium which terrified me.

Windyridge, time to go to Possum Lodge and see what the guys have to say about those tissue box slippers.... Red Green could make a snappy water proof pair to use for when fishing.

Well like Red always said, "If the women don't find you handsome at least they'll find you handy".

And I also try to live by the Possum Lodge Men's Pledge......."I'm a man.......And I can change...........If I have to..........I guess........

Oh for those readers who think Windyridge and I have gone over the edge, we are talking about an old Canadian comedy show called "Red Green". It use to be shown here in the States on PBS.

The show was a parody of home improvement shows... the main product used was duct tape to fix things. And Red would go into his workshop to make new things out of parts from old things.... it was pretty funny the things he would create. You can find some clips on YouTube, like the home made car wash.

My sig other didn't know how to fix anything so he couldn't understand why my Dad and I were laughing hysterically at this show..... loved those mini black & white clips within the show :)

Yes it does feel like your getting dementia. It's so frustrating not getting any of my siblings to help. But. Two of my daughters help, but they both work. So I get no respite care and there is no money for it, just too expensive. Besides her dementia there's her diabetes to deal with she won't even tear her blood sugar on her own. The one thing I have noticed my mother was an extremely manipulative person and now with dementia she is 100x's worse everything is a battle from showers, to Meds even to meals. I'm so sick of it especially since she'll admit she does it on purpose, then say she doesn't remember that. Unless it benefits her she doesn't remember it. I have had to cut my work hours down and now I'm having to quit because she gives the home health provider a hard time. And she was only here on the hours I had to go to work.But unknown to my mother the health provider will be here on weekends so my husband and I can get away and I'm not letting her know till it happens. So yes I'm quitting my job but I'll be getting away from her at least for a little while. So hopefully when I get some rest I won't be so resentful of her. Long story my mother and I have never gotten along, I can go as far as to say she never cared for me and I never cared for her. My dad tried to get her to act more fair to me growing up but you can't force love and yes she is my biological mother. So as you can see there is a lot of underlying turmoil. But I'm doing what s right ever if I don't like it. Just needed to vent.

I am starting to question my mental status also. My husband has mild Dementia. Well, as of July 28th it was mild, now I don't know and won't know until Dec. ANYWAY,,off the track ! A few months ago my doc said it was stress. I work at a small grocery store and can function very well. Got a really good evaluation, etc. My drawer is always spot on. So, I can't remember things that happened yesterday and if somebody asks me at when I came in I have to look at my schedule to tell them when I came in. Also when I leave. I am 68. Not sure if I want to be tested for Dem. I couldn't stand it if I had symptoms. Do you all think it really is stress we all are going through ? I haven't put my keys in the freezer yet !! LOL

Tarajane, yes. It is worse when one is trapped within a dysfuctional relationship, may need to leave to get to safety. But each person is different in what they can tolerate, or what they may understand as dysfunctional. Only you will know.

Yes, I understand how everyone feels. I can order supplies online, and then when the box arrives, I cannot remember what I had ordered, but then when I open the box I remember what I ordered. I think it's a combination of normal aging, and the added stress of caregiving, and going it alone, if you don't have help from siblings.

Hi, everyone. I'm new to the site. I just started caring for my father who has Alzheimer's. This forum question was the first one I came across and I'm so grateful that you posted it, Dena26. There is Alzheimer's on both sides of my family; my maternal grandmother and paternal grandmother both died from the disease. Not a day goes by that I don't worry that I'm showing early signs. I'm an English teacher and if I forget how to spell a simple word, I'm convinced I'm showing early signs. Yesterday, I left my grade book at the grocery story - it was found - but the act still scared me. My father is quickly descending and his short term memory is essentially shot. As I experience his decline as a witness, I can't help but feel that my own may not be too far away. I live in constant fear that I have definitely inherited the disease. I know how self absorbed that must sound. Anyway, thank you for posting this. I know I haven't helped at all, but I can definitely understand how you are feeling.

Hi Yogalove. I think most of us who are seeing dementia as caregivers tend to question our own "senior moments". I used to be a whiz at movie trivia but have a much harder time these days remembering names and movie titles. I think it's just normal aging.

I'm 61, and a retired electrician. I remember several times through the years when I would walk out to my truck to get a tool or some material, open the side doors and have no idea what I had come out there to get. Go back inside, look at what I was working on and OH YEA. I NEED A SO AND SO. One time as I was staring into the back of my truck with no idea what I needed I noticed a plumber beside me staring vacantly into his truck. We looked at each other and I said, "You have no idea what you came out her for do ya". He said, "Not a clue!" I told him I just saw him working on a big steam line which prompted him to get the right fitting. He told me he had just seen me trying to mount a big electrical panel and I grabbed some concrete anchors and off we went. But I never forgot when lunch or quitting time was.....

Not sure what my mom has. MCI at the very least. Possibly early touches of a non-Alz dementia. And yes, after I spend time with mom, my brain is disproportionately addled. I think a secret pocket of our psyche goes haywire when we are exposed to the deterioraton of the person who taught us so much; shaped us; informed our view of the world. There's no relationship like a parent/child relationship. No matter what kind of parent he/she was. No matter how old the "child" is. We soldier away in the face of the unthinkable. We stuff down feelings we don't even know we're having. It's a head trip, alright. In particular, I've noticed that when I drive to or from my mother's house, I can become very distracted. Uncharacteristically distracted. To the point that I don't realize I'm distracted until I'm "this close" to doing something really stupid or dangerous. Sometimes I have one or two more episodes -- just for good measure. (A little bit glib there but trust me, I know it's not funny.) Luckily, I found a solution. Now, whenever I drive to/from mom's, I pretend that my high-school driver's ed teacher is in the passenger seat. Silly, but it works! (And yes, I see the humor in this. My safety check is an awful lot like......a dementia delusion!! God bless us all.)