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My father's wife has abandoned him at the hospital without responding to any forms of communication in NYC. The social worker at the hospital was able to obtain Medicaid acceptance for my father as he would need to be placed in a long-term care facility. Although I’m not able to care for my father as the next of kin, the social worker indicated that Medicaid will pay for all his care and I will only be responsible for making a co-payment of $200 per month nor any potential upcharges in the future.



I don’t want this responsibility as we’ve been very distant and doing this I believe would then make me the caregiver. Not sure what other options my father would have as he has the onset of dementia and is being aggressive.



Please advise…

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You are absolutely not responsible to provide any money out of your own pocket! How Medicaid works is all of your father's monthly income (from his SS check, pension, or whatever monthly income he gets) goes to the facility save a small monthly personal needs allowance that he can use for small incidentals for his personal use. Medicaid pays the difference. You are not required to spend any of your own money. You have been given wrong information. Unless you are controlling his money, and the $200 is his monthly payment, but that seems awfully low.
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NoelUpstate Mar 2022
Appreciate the response. I don’t control anything. His unresponsive, to any forms of communication wife who I believe collects disability, controls the distribution of his pension and SS funds.

As I was called out of the blue, I will meet face-2-face with the hospital Social Worker and find out what’s going on. Hopefully they can place him in a facility he can afford with his benefits as I am not able to.
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Okay, so I found this:

"Medicaid copayment limit
As a New York Medicaid recipient, you will be asked to pay up to $200 in a copay year that runs from April 1st to March 31st. Once you have reached the maximum, you will receive a letter exempting you from Medicaid copayments until the next period.
Can I be refused services if I can’t pay a copayment?
Because Medicaid covers low-income and often very sick patients, health care services cannot be withheld for failure to pay. However, enrollees may still be held liable for unpaid copayments."

This applies to "Community Medicaid" which is likely what they were able to get him on an emergency basis.

What he needs now is "Long Term Care" Medicaid; he will most likely be placed in a facility "Medicaid Pending" while the NH goes after his wife for 5 years worth of financial records.

Do NOT pay anything and do not SIGN anything. Listen politely and give the SW the wife's contact information. This is her kettle of fish, not yours.
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NoelUpstate Mar 2022
Thank you BarbBrooklyn. I definitely was not signing anything, but feeling so stress and sick about this situation from all the calls since they can’t locate his wife, he doesn’t have the keys to his home and can’t be alone due to his illnesses.

Would the hospital discharge him to the streets, homeless shelter or back to the Longterm Care facility he was initially sent?
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If he’s approved for Medicaid, he shouldn’t require a $200 payment.
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NoelUpstate Mar 2022
Appreciate the response as I thought the $200 co-payment that supposedly Medicaid would require didn’t seem right. If my fathers wife is still alive, but apparently not responding to both hospital and long term facility calls why are they reaching out to me? Maybe I was listed as an emergency contact as a biological sibling, but I would think I would not be responsible for his healthcare as I don’t have a power of attorney or authority for such decisions I also live in another state…
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I live in NYC and have NEVER heard of a "co-pay" for Long Term Care Medicaid.

Your father's wife needs to see (hope she's done this already) a certified Elder Care attorney. In NYC, a spouse can refuse to provide funds for a spouse's care ("spousal refusal"), but it's nothing something I would try on my own.

You tell the SW that you do not have, nor to you want ANY responsibility financial or otherwise and that no funds will be forthcoming from you.

If s/he pulls the "you wouldn't want him to become a ward of the state, do you?" you say "YES, PLEASE".
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NoelUpstate Mar 2022
Any idea who the hospital in NYC would they release him to if they can’t locate his wife? I’m hopeful not to the streets…
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Just like any system it has good eggs and bad eggs. OP I hope your case becomes a positive one.
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If his wife controls his assets, she is the one who needs to make the $200 copayment for the community Medicaid. If she is absent or unable to be cooperative or communitive, then APS must get involved to protect his financial and living situation. They cannot release him to the "streets", they need to release him to a safe environment, and that safe environment doesn't have to be your home. Make sure APS gets involved if necessary. Where was his home? why doesn't he have the keys? Where is his monthly income going to? Get the police and APS involved, but if the hospital is reputable, it will keep him there until a safe facility is found.
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JoAnn29 Mar 2022
Don't think Police can do anything.
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The NYPD definitely needs to be involved. They have the resources to declare her a missing person and mount a search.
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NoelUpstate Mar 2022
BarbBrooklyn,

Appreciate the advise.

Just got home after a 2 1/2 ride from visiting the hospital where my father is being treated for water in his lungs. Both the Social Worker and Doctor had so many questions about his wife who has not responded to their calls. One medically the other surrounding Longterm Care. Apparently his dementia has progressed, but if stable the doctors would like permission to move forward with water removal procedure. I repeated the wife has full responsibility and I have no living will nor authority. I was told they would speak with the hospital directors to provide me the authority to provide permission as the wife appears unreachable. I have no problem in giving the permission as long as it doesn’t make me financially responsible since he has Medicare and supplemental insurance coverage. They said it won’t.

As far as the Social Worker, I stood my ground and provided all of the contact info I had for his wife. I asked if I should go to the local precinct and report a missing person and abandonment of an elderly person (dump-n-run). I was told not to and that they would do everything to find her.

How can she be married to my father for 15+ years and abandoned him, while all she needs to do is provide information for the Social Worker to assist in obtaining full Medicaid and not the Community Medicaid, which the used to place in a Longterm Care facility as a emergency. Made me tear as he also doesn’t look well (stares into space, frail, needs liquids to be made heavy in order for him to drink).

I was told they be keeping him in the hospital for the next two weeks (3 weeks total) and base on his condition back to the Longterm Care facility while they search for his wife ( I believe his current insurance solely provided short term care). I was vigilant in expressing he needs to be place in Longterm Care and Medicaid, but how will they be able to get any information if they could not find his wife. Again, I was advise they will work vigilantly to get in contact with his wife.

Sad very sad situation…
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If you do go the route of ward of state, try to avoid self help community. The horror stories I have heard from legal aids that work with them is zzz.

Also could look into other programs is placement is a concern.

It is also not unheard of to release a dementia patient that is ambulatory and is aware enough of to know where they are to released. Normally those the difficult ones that require 1-to-1 to prevent unwanted wandering around, and risk a lock down
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"I don’t want this responsibility as we’ve been very distant and doing this I believe would then make me the caregiver."

IMO, I would not even go to the meeting. A SW will do anything to have you take over Dads care. You are not obligated to be his Caregiver. You are not Obligated to use any of your money. What you can do is not even get involved. Tell the SW you are estranged from your father. They need to locate the wife. Give them whatever info they can use to locate her. In the meantime, he can become a Ward of the State. A guardian will be assigned to his case and will get him placed faster than u can. Let the State locate the wife. 50% if the marital assets are Dads. Then tell the SW she is not to contact u again.

Sounds heartless I know but they will try to force you to take over his care. The State can work much quicker than you can. They WILL get him placed.

When my cousin needed to apply for Medicaid for his Mom, the Office of Aging told him not to allow a SW at the NH to do the applications. Knowing the rules of Medicaid takes studying it. An elder lawyer goes to classes to learn about Medicaid. I find the SWs attached to NHs and Hospitals no a little but not enough. Like with this $200. Something that you as a daughter would not have been responsible for but his wife have. Not quite false info but info that did not fit your situation. Always ask Medicaid. I found my Moms caseworker very helpful. I always took the info I learned here and verified it with Moms caseworker.
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Abonding a loved one is not uncommon. Your mom could have just ghosted. Cargiving takes a toll.
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