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Anyone else's parent having this happen? I'm 6 months into caregiving for my 90 year old Mom in my home on hospice. She's been fine until a month or two ago.


1) Often Mom can't remember that I've given her coffee and a small breakfast and asks if she has eaten. Once she even made the coffee herself.
2) She eats...and an hour or so later can't remember she has eaten.
3) Wakes up at 8:30am, has coffee and breakfast and then at 1:30 pm thinks she has just woken up and said she's slept for 2 days.
4) Was an incredibly talented painter and now her art is a Natl Geo photo glued onto a small matte.
5) Thinks we can leave her overnight and she'll just eat cold food when I explain she can't feed herself. Doesn't want a stranger to come in and care for her. If she falls on the floor and dies she says "so what?"
5) Only watches one TV channel, often without sound.
6) Can't figure out how to make Cup Noodles (just add hot water).
7) Said she doesn't want to go into Assisted Living.


There's more but this is happening awfully fast and I can't process it.


What does this mean????


Sorry if this is a dumb question. I've read about vascular dementia (Mom has COPD and atrial fibrillation) but just wanted to reach out and hear other experiences.

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If she was fine then had a sudden decline, was she tested for a UTI?

While your mom is definitely having some major issues, it's pretty much par for the course. Dementia is a weird and wild ride.

My mom is the same way with her pills. I ask if she's taken them and she literally has no idea if she's taken them.

Saying she's slept for 2 days is kinda funny. Laugh or cry, right? Some days I feel like crying. It's so sad watching them waste away. Obviously she can't stay home alone overnight. My mom says the same thing - she hasn't wanted to stay alone for like 10 years and NOW tries to get me to leave her alone instead of getting someone to stay with her. Hmmmm. Not happening.

I often find my mom staring at the guide on the tv screen. Sometimes tries to use the remote as a phone, or vice versa.

I haven't broached the concept of AL for my mom. I think tonight or tomorrow I will cuz she's lately been complaining of boredom. Well, of course you're bored. You don't do anything.

She's on hospice so she's not expected to live a long time, right? Maybe she's just starting to fail a bit?

Could get some blood work done to see if something is out of whack.
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AsianDaughter Jan 2022
We seem to be in the same boat. Thanks for sharing your experience.
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Does she have a dementia diagnosis? As suggested, have her checked for a UTI or other causes. (Depression, vitamin D and thyroid levels). Getting those things followed up on could make it easier on you to care for her at home if they are the cause.
She could have had, as you perhaps suspect with her atrial fib, some ischemic vascular changes over time that are now showing up as functional losses.
This is helpful:
http://www.dementiacarestrategies.com/12_pt_Understanding_the_Dementia_Experience.pdf
This site below lists the stages in Alzheimer's-each dementia presents differently. AD progresses through the stages fairly consistently, with the rate depending on the individual person. Most often short term memory loss shows up early. With vascular dementia there's more of an obvious 'step'-like progression to their losses, and how things show up really depends on what part of the brain has had ischemia. There can be mixed AD/VD.
You can download a more descriptive checklist at the bottom of the page at this site:
https://tamcummings.com/stages-of-dementia/
You might want to check out the Alzheimer's forum too. There are resources over there for all dementias
https://www.alzconnected.org/discussion.aspx?g=topics&f=151
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It means that you've entered into the world of dementia, where logic doesn't live anymore, and no two days will be alike.
You might want to educate yourself more on dementia, so you won't be so surprised when all this stuff happens. You can start by watching some videos on YouTube by Teepa Snow. She has a lot of great information on all of the dementias, and her videos are easy to watch.
Wishing you and your mom the best.
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All of this unusual behavior you mention can be associated with dementia symptoms, but dementia doesn't happen in a month or two.
Dementia progresses very slowly, and to exhibit all the symptoms you list would normally take several years. You say she's under hospice care, why? So what else is going on with her health? What is her prognosis? Could whatever her comorbidity disease is contribute to these dementia like symptoms? What does the hospice nurse say about her sudden decline in cognition? VaD is caused by poor blood flow to the brain often caused by recurring mini (silent) strokes over a long period of time. More often it is a result of lifestyle choices like smoking, high BP, cholesterol, obesity, hardening of arteries, and diabetes. These are often associated with heart disease, but whatever affects the heart, affects the brain. Being under hospice care already, and not knowing (at least you haven't mentioned) her prognosis, I would become familiar with the progressing symptoms of dementia and consult with the hospice team about your concerns.
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AsianDaughter Jan 2022
Thank you for your reply. The hospice nurses say this decline is very normal. She was put on hospice for her heart condition. The hospital thought she might be a candidate for surgery but she said she just wanted to go home and discontinue medication/treatment. They said it would be 8 months+ but every nurse visit her vitals and oxygen level is good and she has actually gained a little weight.

I’ve done some research but just wanted to hear from this forum, which has been extremely helpful.
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Asking question is smart. It's a really steep learning curve, unfortunatly dementia decline is inconsistant and hardly linear. I would start charting, writing down what is happening with her in a monthly calendar, very useful during doctor's visits.
I don't know if your Mom likes old black and white movies, they have been great for my husband. Corny, silly and he's getting a kick out of the Fred Astair/Ginger Rogers films. If you can, just have those old musicals on, no picture, it might be ejoyable for her to listen to the music/dialouge, then if that draws her in, add the movie too.
Understandably, you sound stressed. As well you should be. Doing this is nuts-on a good day. Because, though what is happening now seems writ so large, unfortunatly worse events can be on the horizon. Try not to stress over the little stuff now-save that worry for when the poop really hits the fan.
"What does this mean?" So, we watch our loved one's decline and are utterly helpless in changing it. We can comfort them, learn how to enjoy what they do offer us in those rare bright shining moments, manage what seems nearly unmanageable and become all the better for our efforts in being humane, caring, kind to someone, a fellow human being who through no fault of their own, is suffering. That is the best I can do.
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AsianDaughter Jan 2022
Thanks so much for your help.
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