My 96 yr-old dementia mom (and needs 24/7 care) is living with my hubby & me and is never happy. Always wants to go home. She groans out loud anytime - which is not from pain but her thoughts. When she lets out a groan it is painful and agonizing to me. I can stand it to be be frank and it makes my blood pressure rise.
She says she doesn't even know she is groaning right after she does it. Her memory is 2% good and 98% faulty. She thinks her body is good enough to do things and she can't even get out of the wheelchair by herself.
Also how do you separate yourself from the constant stress she creates with her unhappiness and the lack of appreciation for giving up our lives, work, and sanity so she isn't in a NH as she has so requested when she was "normal" and now also.
Your mom's Alzheimer's prevents her from feeling gratitude for everything you do for her. She's trapped in her own world and is unable to appreciate what you've sacrificed in order to care for her. It isn't personal, she's not being selfish. It's the disease.