My Mom has been living with me for two years, I mentioned she has dementia not the good kind. What can I do for her foul language?

My mother is 81 and has always said hurtful things to me. When I was young it seriously damaged my confidence and it was a way to control me. Now I am 55 and she says extremely hurtful things like I only bring trouble into the family. She said "you think you are so perfect but you aren't" When I asked her to try to understand that I am going through a difficult time in my life, she just said I don't care! I know a lot of this is due to dementia but I won't take this abuse.

For what it is worth, the fact that she has always been verbally abusive and used foul language, makes me think that she might very well not change in any positive direction. I believeI would make certain that her real NEEDS are met, and then protect yourself. Mothers can damage their children in ways that no one else can simply by what and how they verbally communicate. I would definitely discuss this with her doctor to see if there is something that can help her behave in a less abusive manner. This could be very helpful for her well being.

believe me you and I sound in the same boat, going round and round, but I finally had all I could take and put mom in a dementia care facility...the meds they are giving her have truly calmed her down ....but I can only visit occasionally because she still can be very hurtful towards me and mom was the same way growing up...they say it is the disease but she did the same foul language then and always gonna hit someone...with her fist...I even lived thru fights with my dad with loaded guns..she shot between mine and his feet...so now she has nothing to fight with which was what I was afraid of because she kept hammers, picks, baseball bats everywhere, to protect herself...maybe you should check into one

My mother's dementia left her with no filter. She was horrible to the staff at her NH sometimes. I addressed it with humor (I would giggle and whisper that she should not say such things out loud). Then I would quickly redirect. Easier said than done I know, but humor is the key!

Warning!!!! my answer Could Be Hazardous to Your Mood.. It is advised that if you are Humor Challenged discontinue reading this post immediately.

Given the her damaged mind, have you glued the lips shut.
Maybe you could find a "Cone-of-silence" to place around her.

One caregiver wrote " I have to go out to my car, sit in it and scream"

You can try to redirect her. She does not have control over her actions. Please do not ignore her, instead if she is upset validate what she is feeling and try to redirect her behavior to something else. She needs to be followed by a neurologist and or a psychiatrist that specializes in older adult dementia. Your mother is not acting this way intentionally, this is common in dementia.

You ignore tantrums. Deprive her of an audience.

You cannot change her, ignore her. Wear headphones, listen to podcasts or music.