My mother is in third stage dementia. Lately she has been soooo fearful of falling that it is debilitating her even more. What can I do?

I'm liking the practical suggestions people are giving here. I want to add one thing: if a person is scared, telling them not to be doesn't work. (Doesn't work on you or me either!) All it does it give the message "you are not being heard." When we are unheard -- all of us -- we dig in and ramp up the message in an attempt to be heard. Go with empathy first: "Oh yes, part of you is really scared of falling! And no wonder, falling could awful. You certainly don't want to fall." You might think you are just underlining the fear and making it stronger, but the odds are you will see some relaxation instead, even subtly -- because the fear has been heard. After it's been heard you can speak up for the other part: "And you certainly don't want to be stuck here at the sink [curb, doorframe, whatever], either!" You are likely to get some sign of agreement with that too. Then you can offer the solution: "So let's find a way to get you to the ____ without falling....." It seems like a roundabout way but actually it is likely to take less time. And as a general principle, empathy first gets all of us where we want to go, remarkably faster. Realize that empathizing with a feeling is NOT agreeing with something that's not true. You're not saying (for example), yes you'll fall. You're saying, of course it makes sense that you don't want to fall. Big difference. The first topic is a disagreement between the two of you (they say they'll fall, you say they won't). The second is an agreement between the two of you (neither one of you wants them to fall; you can sympathize with the fear).

dementia has stages of mental breakdown often followed by weeks or months of improvement. if it becomes necessary here i plan to get saplings , wood blocks, and a screw gun and run double handrails all thru the house. the cost is zero dollars and the screws hardly leave a scar in the walls or furnishings. the parent will pitch a bitch, thats the bonus..

I understand and its very common. With dementia it starts affecting the areas of the brain that we use for balance, walking, sensory, speech. One of the first symptoms the show up is the parkinsonism...the change in posture (slumping over), the gait shuffle, and being unable to walk or only walking short distance without feeling pain. This is all part of the dementia. One of the biggest things they suffer with is the fears of falling. I literally would have to pick mom up and rotate her into her chair. She was grasp ahold of something and not let go of it. It was so frustrating. But in their minds its so frightening. The only thing I can tell you is be patient..don't voice your anger or frustration. Try and encourage and be confident in her safety. If you are not confidant..she will sense it. There will be a time when moving her will not be an option any more. Unfortunately there is no going back. The disease is not curable but it is maintainable just make her comfortable as much as you can. This is where you can find help with the Area of Aging and Disabilities if you qualify, I highly recommend it. God Bless you

There are companies that sell pants with built-in padding for hip protection, and also they sell helmets that are made for falls. This could give an elderly person piece of mind, knowing that they were wearing this gear, in addition to having a person help them. In addition, while my mother is sitting on the toilet, I give her a tray with her toothbrush, toothpaste, and two cups (one with water in it), and she brushes her teeth while sitting down.

Yes, Alwayslearning has given some good advice (as well as the others' practical advice). What Always is saying is something I've learned to practice in dealing w/ a family member w/ a personality disorder. Even though what is happening to the person is often totally irrational, they often calm down and can see things in a different way, if their complaint, rampage, fear, or whatever, is validated. Validation is not agreement, it is just saying that what they are feeling or experiencing is understandable. Once that gets through, it opens the barrier for them to hear something else that can be helpful in calming them, and finding a way to a solution. It really does help. Mental illnesses, dementia....all effecting the brain in ways that make it a constant challenge to deal with, but always worth the effort when we care about the person going through it.

I agree with the suggestion of validating their fear of falling - so that they know that you hear them and feel their fear. And I also suggest giving them a hug, then looking them in the eye and letting them feel and see that you have them safe, followed by another hug, and then try the moving again. What I found to have the best results with my mother was to calm myself first (essential) and then to move very slowly and calmly. Otherwise it's arguing and tension. My best to you - it takes every ounce of energy you have, I know.

Hi chirochick, I am experiencing the exact same problem with my mother, just recently too. One day as she was rounding the corner to go toward the bathroom she grabbed onto the wall, with both hands, and would not let go or go any further, she was using a walker at the time but I literally had to hold her up as she completely let go of it and was leaning around the corner of the wall. Now she refuses to even stand for a few seconds to get the pull-up on her and is saying "I can't" just as your mom is. I suppose it is just yet another stage in the dementia. It is killing my back though! Now we are mostly using a wheelchair and even with that she does not help at all, so I have to do all the lifting and shifting. I wish I had a better reply for you, but all I have is the knowledge that you are not alone in that and I feel for ya. Hope that someone has some advice, for both of us. :)

Capn, that sounds like a good plan - as long as they're willing to Stand. Father is bedridden and Could have walked but refused therapy dute to fear of falling. He doesn't want the hospital bed railing to be down when the govt caregivers come to sponge bath him. But, he must be progressing in his dementia because lately he's been demanding to get off the bed. He thinks he can still walk. When I refuse to help him, he tries to get off the hospital bed. I just stood there watching - waiting to call 911 if he falls off the bed. (He's taller and weighs more than me.)

But Chiro, the one time we were ever got him off the bed, on the wheelchair, in the car to go to the clinic - was within a month of being released from the hospital. We forced him to go because Medicare requires that after a patient is release from the hospital, they must see their primary doctor within a month for home care services and home physical therapy. (I think it was a month.) He grabbed on tightly to anyone handy and also on the car door. It was awful! And embarrassing as we tried to get him to let go both the human body and the car door so that he can SIT inside the car. I told brother that the next time father needs to go to the clinic - I'm calling the private ambulance! We will pay the $200.00 roundtrip cost.

Caregivers- don't kill your back. Look for assistive products that give someone a level of trust. Sturdy handrails, a firmly anchored SuperPole, or other items you can find on AbleData, etc. Skip the typical flimsy stuff as that will do no good and may result in injury. There are even handles made for the car door latch that people can lean on for transfers there. I can offer suggestions- please let me know.

Bless you all. My husband recently passed away from dementia. The issues are still fresh in my mind. How about getting a porta-potty for Mom. I agree that sometimes we have to agree and validate the patient's feelings. Is is possible that the walking problem is not Mom's imagination? Perhaps she has forgotten how to balance or walk or has dreamed or hallucinated about falling. Whatever the reason, please agree with her. Tell her she's wonderful and that she's doing the best she can. Tell her you're there to help her. Use a bed pan if necessary. Do whatever it takes to make her feel confident, unafraid, and loved. Think of how you would feel if this were you. God bless you. Hugs, Corinne