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OH gosh, I'm at my wits end! My husband is suffering from the beginning of dementia, keeps ordering things (junk) online. He is a 75 yr old vet and smokes and drinks (that isn't helping his memory) But how can I stop him from ordering stuff online?


I have to call so many companies lately and explain, sometimes they credit but sometimes they DONT. Getting costly.


I even blacked out the 3 digits numbers on the back of cc he uses the most and he still was able to use it online? I would love if someone else has a suggestion!

The reloadable card is a great idea.
Another way to do things is to set up a "business account" credit card. I did this (calling myself an insurance agent), and gave my dad an employee card. I put a limit of $100 per transaction and $300 per month. He can use it for groceries, doctor copays, and prescriptions with complete freedom unless something goes over. If he tries to charge more than $100 it will be denied. Once he goes over $200, each charge is declined until I raise the limit. Plus, I can look at his statement online and see what is going on. I gave another one to the caregiver to help with groceries, etc. I can check the account and make sure the money is being spent properly. You can change the limit per transaction or limit per month at any time on line.
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Reply to flstfrider
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Get your husband away from the credit cards. LIKE, NOW! If you don't he'll ruin you both financially and maritally. Take over the finances and make sure your husband only has a little cash as spending money. ($60 should do the trick). I'd say grab his wallet and get the cards out while he's sleeping, hide them where only you can find them, then tell him the cards got lost and you have no idea where they went when he asks. Dementia is not something you can reason with. And I was lucky that when my mom started going downhill, we were able to get her cards, keys and other valuables locked away into a safe place. I've been her POA since 2015. Good luck!
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Reply to mmcmahon12000
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In this day and age, there is no reason to cancel the cards. Cancelings CCs have adverse effects on your credit. Your credit history effects a lot of things even if you don't to apply for credit. In the US, it's used in many ways to quantify what kind of person you are. Are you trustworthy or not?

Just turn them off. Most CC can no be turned on and off at will. This way, he can still use the cards when you let him. Just turn the card on. Let him make a purchase and then turn it back off. When it's off, the transaction will simply be declined. Just tell him that it's probably some technical glitch and maybe try again next week. Hopefully by then, he'll forget he wants to buy it.
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Reply to needtowashhair
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Close the credit card accounts. Get a card for yourself and guard it carefully. Guard all the other money too. Give him a reloadable card. Put an amount of money you feel you can waste on it once a month. Tell him the amount. When it's gone, it's gone. If you have the energy, put some of the boxes of stuff away, tape up the box and then put a box on the porch so he thinks he has a new delivery. Find something for him to do. Is there a vet center he can go to? I've had this HSN/QVC/Publishers clearing house problem with several relatives.
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Reply to Toadhall
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I liked CherrySoda's idea! This way dad can still shop but keep it under control!

I have this problem with mother. She shops out of catalogs and about half of the time what she ordered was not what it 'appeared' to be. Then she'd try to return the items and refuse to pay the return S&H and we'd have dunning phone calls and she just DOESN'T get it.

After spending a good hour on the phone with several arms of a catalog company, trying to settle a $9.99 charge that had ballooned to over $120 due to late fees---I asked to cancel the catalog, as per her choice.

Sure enough, a week later she was calling me and asking me to reinstate the catalog.

She cannot stop spending and there is so much junk she does not need and returning things has become a problem--I am going to start slipping out 2-3 catalogs each time I visit and come home and cancel them on the internet. She won't miss them and she can still have a couple she loves.

I hate taking away EVERYTHING she loves. Even though she cannot possibly use 10% of the junk she orders.
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Reply to Midkid58
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vitahall1 Mar 12, 2019
Im so sorry!! I know its tough!
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Google can save your cc info and fill it in automatically, so you'll need to get into the computer and delete the autofill info, so it stops doing it. Also hide/destroy the cc statements so he can't find the number there. Lastly, freeze his credit. Contact each credit agency (Experian, etc.) to freeze your credit and DO NOT lose the PIN they give you to unfreeze it again.
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Reply to anonymous875604
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vitahall1 Mar 12, 2019
where is the autofill on GOOGLE??? I need to get that OFF there!
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After dealing with so many scams and "start your free trial!" monthly memberships, as well as unneeded unused stuff there was no room for, I finally took over CC completely. He still shopped for things online, but first asked me what I thought, then I ordered it Weirdly since this change everything he wanted going forward was both useful and no longer scam items (Publisher's Clearing House anyone?) . I think my father was just compulsively shopping out of boredom. As soon as he started talking to me about what he wanted, it seemed to ground him to reality.

I also made sure to throw away or donate as much as possible and frequently so he could continue to shop at thrift store. A lot that stuff was useless but I could just donate it in a few months later and then he got more stuff. Never seemed to miss anything and the waste of a few dollars here and there is no big.

Finally, to appeal to the thrill factor started getting lottery tickets every so often.
Which seemed to satisfy his persistent "get rich quick" itch. Ironically his spending
continued at a lower level, but still pretty persistent. The main difference was there was no longer expensive junk or monthly billing for scams. So it was a good
savings and he still had satisfying shopping experiences.
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Reply to bettina
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vitahall1 Mar 12, 2019
Thank you Bettina! God Bless you! I do beleive my hubby does it out of
boredom:((
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We had that issue with MIL and now her Guardian returns most of her items and has put a new limit on her credit card. I would go with the other suggestions, close the account?
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vitahall1 Mar 11, 2019
Thank you so much yep working on it:)
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Close the cards, only way to go. Lie to the companies if you have to and have someone pretend to be him if necessary on the phone. Could not convinced my husband to do this for his father (he had POA but was in so much denial - I get it -his father really was a brilliant man) and now his parents have no money or savings, credit is shot and we are paying their bills...and I still have 2 kids to put through college.
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Reply to plum9195
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Close the accounts. Just keep one and don’t give him the info. Go to the places he buys junk and remove the CC info. That’s what we had to do with my mother. Truthfully he probably isn’t careful about card useage and could end up with identity thieves getting your info. Even when my mom had mild dementia the dr suggested someone else do meds and finances. Hopefully you have everything else in order as well. My mother and stepfather “ didn’t want to talk about that “ so as it ended up, his kids , who didn’t lift a finger the 8 yrs my mother cared for him (Alzheimer’s) and after 20 plus years of marriage , got the bulk of his sizeable estate and he had no living will , etc. so his last weeks were horrendous
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Reply to Jannner
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When the merchandise comes, call the Co. for a call tag and return it. Use an excuse it was not what you thought or wrong size. You have to be able to return an online purchase for whatever reason.

Aren't there child protections on computers where you can set only what you want him to be able to get too. Just set up his regular sites, like email. When he complains something is wrong, tell him sorry I have no idea how to fix it. If he tells you to get it fixed, then act like your taking it and don't. When he asks when r you getting it back tell him it was unfixable. Put off getting another one. After a while hope he forgets.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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vitahall1 Mar 9, 2019
tried that, nope, end paying shipping and then , he doesnt read the fine print if he doesnt cancel within a certain amount of time. ( usually less than when the bill comes) ends up with a membership:(( thanks for your reply
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Here's what I did....I got mine a bank card (not debit just a pre paid cash card FROM our bank) I load it up once a month with what we can afford. 200 bucks usually. I tell him how much is on it. He can do whatever he wants with it...but when that money is gone for the month, its gone. The end. He cannot take from our bank account. EZPZ and freely given by most banks (with like a 5 dollar a month service charge)

PS if you are the wife of a vet, and he docs can show he cannot manage money, you can become appointed spouse fiduciary.
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Reply to Cherrysoda
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vitahall1 Mar 9, 2019
He is a Vet , but he is stubborn. He was a financial business man for many years and actually he was at the very beginning of when credit cards started.
Retired from Visa quite a while ago. He was a super intelligent , frugal man.
Its very hard to watch him go down:((
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I imagine he can't be reasoned with in which case you simply cannot let him continue to have access to a credit card. This could turn into a nightmare for you with piles of useless merchandise and expenses to pay. I had a similar situation with my mother and had to close cards. It was exhausting. I finally leveled with her that if she was going to continue to have a card she could not use it for online purchases. As difficult as it may be you need to do this now or the behavior will continue. Companies will state he had access to a card and knowingly made the purchases. They won't care whether you say he is not of sound mind.
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Reply to Riverdale
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JoAnn29 Mar 8, 2019
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Close the account. If he needs a card to make purchases around town get him a re-loadable one and keep the balance low.
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Reply to cwillie
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JoAnn29 Mar 8, 2019
Good idea
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