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One or two days and he is at it again, accusing her despite he promised the would not talk about it. We are at a screaming match every time, warning him if he doesn’t stop I will call the ambulance. Every one or two days, I can’t deal with it anymore! He had one hospitalization last November for bladder infection and one past few weeks because I actually had to call ambulance cause he would not stop the delusion.

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Carevdad, has your Dad seen a neurologist to see if possibly he may have dementia?

From what you have written, that seems to be a normal pattern of delusion. If that is the case, you will not be able to change his mind. Best to just agree with him [even though you know it is not true], and go on to another subject. The neurologist can prescribe some meds that will help with this issue.
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Carevdad Mar 2022
freqflyer
He has not been diagnosed with dementia. He does have a geriatric assessment in April. But ever since he was home from hospital he has is only this ONE specific delusion of my mom having an affair and would not stop bothering her about it. Even though she went with it and promised him she will stop the affair. He promised also he would not talk about it again but give him the next day or hour he is at it again! I am so frustrated he is ALL there cognitively and ALL independent regarding ADLs hygiene banking etc. So what is this? I can’t believe the doctor is not even giving me any answers. His diagnosed at discharge from hospital was Confusion; although he was treated for bladder infection in there and he became delirious in hospital. Once he got home all delirium gone! Then a month later ONLY this affair delusion. I just have no idea how to deal with him.
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Carevdad
Has your dad been treated for a UTI with a cultured test? If he is being prescribed with an antibiotic without a proper test, the antibiotic may not knock it out. Take him to an urgent care and have him tested. Ask for a culture to be developed. This usually takes a day or two. You can find out if he has an infection right away but it takes time to figure out which antibiotic will be most effective.
If he doesn’t have a UTI then he needs to be treated for his delusions. Your getting upset won’t help you, mom or dad.
Has dad been to a neurologist?
A UTI can bring about dementia like symptoms. People with dementia can’t control their thoughts. Their brains are broken.
Get dad some help for all your sakes.
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Carevdad Mar 2022
97yroldmom They did a culture and/or urine test at hospital both times and both times prescribed antibiotics. This second time after the first set the family physician still gave him another 7 days which he is on. This makes me think that is not bladder/UTI that is causing delusion? But again i am not a doctor and yet all the doctors he saw has no solution. I am so frustrated. He has not been diagnosed with dementia. Actually cognitively he is ALL there except this delusion which makes it so frustrating. He sure knows how to argue making every logical sense. I have no idea. I tried to be calm and every time it gets to a screaming match like just now i was about to call the ambulance cause he would not shut up
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It sounds like your father suffers from dementia which is causing him to have this delusion of your mother having an affair. He can 'promise' to stop the accusations until the cows come home, and you can threaten him all you'd like, but he cannot HELP it if dementia is the cause for these delusions! Screaming matches aren't helping anyone here either. What can you do to HELP this situation, is the question? What happened when you called an ambulance for him last time? Was an antibiotic prescribed to get rid of a UTI or was there no infection to cure? You don't say. In any event, your father is suffering here which in turn is causing the rest of you to suffer. The key is to find out what is happening to dad to cause these delusions, not to be screaming at him to stop. I guarantee you he's not happy to be thinking his wife is having an affair; it's upsetting him to have that thought! THIS is how you have to look at the situation; put his shoe on your foot and imagine how you would feel if you thought your wife was cheating on you? In his mind, she IS, and he's reeling over it! Lashing out. Something is causing this; either dementia or an infection that's causing dementia-like behavior to crop up. It's not that he 'won't stop the delusion'...........he CAN'T stop it! Once you understand that fact, then you can seek help for him accordingly w/o threats and screaming matches.

At the very least, his PCP should be able to prescribe a mild sedative for dad while a diagnosis is sought. The body language YOU show HIM needs to be calm and relaxed at all times, even if you are not feeling that way. Showing him you're so upset will only take the situation from 0-100 in 60 seconds flat! Use soothing words and actions with dad; which is more likely to calm him down than anything else.

When dealing with dementia or dementia like behaviors, keep these tips in mind:
The “Dont's”
· Do not reason and argue
· Do not demand that they reason or problem-solve
· Do not demand that they remember
· Do not demand that they get their facts straight
· Do not correct their ideas or scold them
· Do not reorient them
· Do not think that they are being uncooperative on purpose
· Do not think that they really do remember, but are pretending not to
· Do not use a “bossy” dictatorial attitude in care
· Do not act with impatience
The Do's
· Enter into their frame of reality, or their 'world'
· Be aware of their mood or state of mind
· Use few words and simple phrases
· OR use no words, just friendly gestures and simple motions
· Do everything slowly
· Approach from the front
· Wait for a slow response
· Constantly reassure them that everything is 'OK'
· Keep people with dementia comfortable 'in the moment' - every moment
· Maximize use of remaining abilities
· Limit TV or radio programs which they may feel are frighteningly real
· Maintain privacy
· Provide a safe physical environment
Language Needs
· Use short words
· Use clear and simple sentences
· Speak slowly and calmly
· Questions should ask for a “yes” or “no” answer
· Talk about one thing at a time
· Talk about concrete things; not abstract ideas
· Use common phrases
· Always say what you are doing
· If they repeat their question, repeat your answer as you did the first time · Give them a longer time to process information
· Wait patiently for a response
· Be accepting of inappropriate answers and nonsense words
· Speak softly, soothingly and gently

Care Needs
· Be aware of your body language and use it to communicate relaxation and reassurance
· Be sincere
· Use a soft, soothing touch
· Be aware of the individual’s unique triggers
· Be aware that a person with dementia may not accurately judge whether a situation is threatening to them
· They may respond to fear, pain or anxiety by defending themselves with what we call “aggression”
You need to change your behaviour to adapt to the dementia because the person with the disease cannot.

Good luck!
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Carevdad Mar 2022
Hi lealonnie1: Thanks so much for all the advice. I will try again. He was hospitalized for bladder infection last November and was delirious in hospital and when we took him home after 2 week+ in hospital all the delusion is gone. Then a month later he developed this delusion my mom having affair and would not let go. The second time hospital was a few weeks ago when he would not stop bothering my mom and i had to call ambulance. In hindsight it was a mistake cause we were all screaming and yelling and it got escalated. In there they did find he has a mild UTI and treated with antibiotics which was done and he is still on once a day for another 7 days for maintenance by the family physician. This is what i don’t understand? The delusion might be UTI but he is currently on antibiotics so it’s not? He has not been diagnosed with dementia and his memory is all there. I don’t know. And nobody is giving a diagnosis. We tried but again tonight it’s a scream and shout match and he certainly knows how to argue. My mom and I did try distraction but it doesn’t work most of the time. Now he wants the car keys too but the family physician already told him not to drive yet. It seems that nobody knows what is going on and in hospital he is just left laying there. At home every one or two days he is at it again. I don’t know what to do. I keep telling myself to be calm and yet every time it comes to the same point.
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This isn’t much of an answer, but perhaps you and the rest of the household can use professional earplugs. When he starts, put the plugs in. He can argue as much as he wants, you won’t hear it. It might stop him when he realises it’s a waste of time.
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Carevdad Mar 2022
MargaretMcKen
at this point i will try anything. Oh he sure can talk and he can argue like he is a professional debater, no cognitive impairment there. That is why it frustrates me, if i know what is causing the delusion than i would understand but it’s like he is his old self
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I hope his geriatric assessment will uncover what the cause is. It is important to make sure that his physician knows about this delusion. The doctor hopefully will want to conduct further tests or send him to a neurologist.

As far as your dad being delusional in the hospital, there is a condition called 'Hospital Delirium' or 'Hospital Dementia' that elderly people can suffer from. My mom had it when she was in the hospitals and SNFs - in her mind, there were wild parties going on in the staff lounge and everybody was smoking pot and/or drunk. Trying to convince her otherwise was useless.

Since then, I've done a little reading on the subject and some of the articles I've read state that the delusions can continue even after release. It is usually a sign of cognitive decline.

It's worth mentioning the delusion timeline to the doctor when he goes in for his assessment.

Edited to add: My mom said I was smoking 'funny cigarettes' and she could smell it after she was discharged and came home. I wasn't. Every now and then she will say she smells pot smoke in the house, even though nobody here smokes pot.
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Carevdad Mar 2022
Maggie61r
He was having all kinds of delusion/delirium while in hospital and they all went away the first day i brought him home. Not until a month later when he was actually improvement in strength and such that this delusion about my mom having an affair starts. He is fine in all other aspect which is absolutely weird. The family doctor knows about it. He said well he is not violent so drugs won’t help, if he was then he would be put on Seroquel. But the constant mentioning and then every time it escalate to a full blown argument over and over again.
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This fixation on one topic while seeming otherwise normal is called an obsession. Check medical issues first - maybe a UTI is going on again.
Next, get him seen by a neurologist or psychiatrist who has some interest in geriatric patients. This can be treated with medication...and if left untreated, he could try to injure your mother.
Let us know how things are going. Take care.
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