Decision

My 92-year-old mother has multiple myeloma and has had it for a couple of diagnosed years. She had treatment for two months in the beginning but it was too much for her body, so she stopped.While I was doing my last year teaching (after 29 years) she was in a senior living facility so I knew that she was safe and could have emergency calling while I had work every day and that worked out great.(She had a pendant she could push).Fast forward to August 2025. I moved into a one-story house with the intention for my mother to move in with me and for us to spend time togther until she got sicker and of course, you know what happens in the end.At the end of November, right before Thanksgiving, we had a rare meeting with her doctor (he's very hard to get a meeting with) and he suggested hospice. Now, from reading what hospice is, it's when the doctor thinks th epatient has 6 months or less to live.The decision for hopsice was accepted by my mother, knwoing that there would be no more doctors, no more blookdwork anmd no more knowing exactly what's going on with her health.Only hospice nurses coming twice a week to evaluate and "make sure she's comfortable".The hospice decidison wouldn't have been mine because of that, but it was what my mother chose.Fast forward to now. Up until recently, my mother has been able to shower herself, clothe herself and feed herself. It is becoming more difficult to do so and she has just now started to ask about possibly getting help for thise things.A note about mother: she does not liek to ask me for help, ever. It's just a pride thing, I think. She will, hoever, ask and tell other epople exactly what she needs and exactly ow she feels. I think she tries to protect me from having to do too much.I am realizing now this will be a long post...sorry.So, neither of us imagined, thought, dreamed of her passing in the house. We always assumed (both of us) that something would happen, she would go to the hospital, and she would pass there. I (as well as she) never imagined this is the house she would die in.So now one of the choices is stay at home and hire caregivers 24/7 (because eventually I won't be able to handle the "hospice" part of it where I have to do everything and care would be hired I figured at about $12,000 per month).Or assisted living, which we've already toured a nice place, spoke with the manager, etc. and my mother liked it, as well.The manager understands that she is basically going there for 24 hour help and eventually to pass away.We would use assisted living basically like a hospital.The problem comes with my mother's decision making. This morning, she woke up and said she made a decision that she wants to stay here. Then I sat and talked with her about "what if something happens to me?" Who would take care of her? or "What if we need to get out of the house quickly (gas leak or fire) and I can't get her out", etc.At times she has said she wants to stay in the house. Why not? She has everything she needs: Spectrum DVR, coffee and breakfast and cleaning up, dinner and cleaning up. I don't find doing those things at all. It's the medical side that I can't do. She's addicted to TV and so I think that';s a part of it, but I also think she does like it here.One of the problems is that I have contamination OCD and have so far had to clean up 3 diarrhea accidents all over the floor and trailing to the bedroom and bathroomI tell her that I want her to make a decision based on what's the best thing for her and what is the best thing for us in the long run (when she gets bedbound and needs for care).So, I feel like the decision is mine because as much as she wants to stay , she also wants to go somewhere where it will be easier evntually.My father died 3 years ago and boy do I wish he could be here and help me with this. Although somehow I don't think he would have handled it well.So, basically I'm conflicted. Staying at home would mean spending more $$$, which isn't a pro