Could anyone advise who to chose for medical POA between 2 daughters for remaining parent? All are on good terms and in equal close proximity. It is more of an emotional issue as both are capable.
There should only be one primary POA with a back up. Also, while getting Medical POA she should assign a financial. There is someone on this forum now who has MPOA and no financial so is having a problem now that Mom has Dementia getting her SS signed over to a NH.
Neither POAs can come into effect unless the person who assigned them cannot make an informed decision.
I plan on having #2 daughter as financial (her strongsuit) with #1 backup and for Medical #1 as primary (she's an RN) and #2 as backup.
As stated, both should be asked if they are comfortable with being assigned.
That is almost the exact scenario These POA s are for future of well parent. Financial is in effect with daughter in finance. I suggested other daughter for medical although she is not in that field. Will continue to discuss it. Spouse had major stroke almost 2 years ago. Fortunately a very good elder care lawyer worked to get POA for the well spouse with gentle conversations.
Have you asked them if they have a preference? My sister and I were listed jointly and severally (either or) so we both had the ability to act, although the reality was that my sis deferred to me completely. If you feel you must choose just one I imagine one daughter is somewhat more apt to take the lead when they are together so you may as well choose her.
This is a very important decision. I would suggest sitting down with both daughters and a lawyer to iron out the details. Unless there is absolutely total agreement between the children on who does what, there could be big problems in the future.
And there rarely is total agreement between siblings! I had made my RN daughter my health care POA, and both she and my son durable POA--with both having to agree on something before spending. All of my accounts have named beneficiaries, so the co-Executors of the will won't have all that much to do except pay any outstanding bills. However, I am now consulting the best elder care lawyer in the city, and he says to give both my kids durable POA able to act independently to pay my expenses in event of incapacitation--the health care POA will definitely need immediate access to cash at times. My single childless daughter doesn't particularly trust her brother. I suppose that because he has a wife with a heart problem, a diabetic daughter who may not get insurance because of pre-existing conditions when she turns 26 five years from now, and another daughter who is 13 with future college tuitions, he might want to cut corners on my health care to increase his inheritance. On the other hand, my daughter says she is leaving everything she has to the Humane Society and not to her brother and his 2 daughters!
My daughter now is the acting medical POA for her father, my ex who is in a nursing home. My Ex did not appoint any POA's for medical or financial POA in event of incapacity, a state in which he now is. He did put our daughter on his bank account, and she pays his expenses from that. However, that account is almost exhausted after 2 1/2 years in nursing home (he has Lewy Body dementia). He does have substantial stock holdings, but I presume both my son and my daughter will have to go to an attorney to get permission to sell those. If he dies, they go 50/50 which is why neither has wanted to sell them.
I would prefer to leave everything to my son as he has a family, but I don't want my daughter to hate me and him forever, as my sister hates me because my mother left everything to me as I was the one who took care of her and my sister never came to visit her. I did give my sister half of the money from the sale of my mom's house even though I didn't have to. Sometimes I wish I didn't have any assets!
My brother and I share that responsibility. He usually agrees with me when we talk about what to do for dad, it’s worked well for us to this point. It sounds as if the daughters would work well together and if the remaining parent has expressed wishes that will help guide them.
I'd make sure both are on all HIPPA forms. While I was the POA for both of my parents, my brothers were the next in line should I be unable to fulfill my responsibilities. I always put down names of immediate and trustworthy family members on HIPPA forms. That allowed more than one of us to listen in on medical conversations with doctors and nurses. For myself, I always make sure my husband and both my daughters are on my HIPPA forms--just in case I need their input.
I would do a conference call and find out how they feel about it and get agreement between them that no matter who has the authority that they will decide together, it really is about honoring your wishes so it is easy to fulfill when we have all of our paperwork done. I would think that would put any concern of favoritism to bed and make them feel respected. Just my opinion.
I sure wish that there was a national standard for all this paperwork.
I had a friend that had to have her husband on life support for a week while they battled about a DNR from Idaho being accepted in AZ.
I can't imagine that there isn't a place for a back up, what happens if your MPOA is knocked in the head and ends in a coma the day before you need help? Yikes.
If it is a form, she may be able to have an attorney draw one up that accommodates successor or even joint MPOA.
I'm in AZ and all of our forms through the state attorney general's website have a place for multiple POA. It confuses me why NY wouldn't think about the named being unavailable or ?
Neither POAs can come into effect unless the person who assigned them cannot make an informed decision.
I plan on having #2 daughter as financial (her strongsuit) with #1 backup and for Medical #1 as primary (she's an RN) and #2 as backup.
As stated, both should be asked if they are comfortable with being assigned.
These POA s are for future of well parent. Financial is in effect with daughter in finance. I suggested other daughter for medical although she is not in that field. Will continue to discuss it. Spouse had major stroke almost 2 years ago. Fortunately a very good elder care lawyer worked to get POA for the well spouse with gentle conversations.
My daughter now is the acting medical POA for her father, my ex who is in a nursing home. My Ex did not appoint any POA's for medical or financial POA in event of incapacity, a state in which he now is. He did put our daughter on his bank account, and she pays his expenses from that. However, that account is almost exhausted after 2 1/2 years in nursing home (he has Lewy Body dementia). He does have substantial stock holdings, but I presume both my son and my daughter will have to go to an attorney to get permission to sell those. If he dies, they go 50/50 which is why neither has wanted to sell them.
I would prefer to leave everything to my son as he has a family, but I don't want my daughter to hate me and him forever, as my sister hates me because my mother left everything to me as I was the one who took care of her and my sister never came to visit her. I did give my sister half of the money from the sale of my mom's house even though I didn't have to. Sometimes I wish I didn't have any assets!
Close sisters are going to work together to ensure that their parents wishes and best interests are first and foremost.
I would do a conference call and find out how they feel about it and get agreement between them that no matter who has the authority that they will decide together, it really is about honoring your wishes so it is easy to fulfill when we have all of our paperwork done. I would think that would put any concern of favoritism to bed and make them feel respected. Just my opinion.
I sure wish that there was a national standard for all this paperwork.
I had a friend that had to have her husband on life support for a week while they battled about a DNR from Idaho being accepted in AZ.
If it is a form, she may be able to have an attorney draw one up that accommodates successor or even joint MPOA.
I'm in AZ and all of our forms through the state attorney general's website have a place for multiple POA. It confuses me why NY wouldn't think about the named being unavailable or ?
Let me know how it works out.
You are a good friend. Hugs for helping!
Coin toss?
If both daughters are really equally capable, if there are no differences in terms of
alignment with parent's own views
understanding of likely issues
ability to be on site when needed
willingness to undertake the responsibility
and if both agree to this solution, then... why not?
See All Answers