Decided on a nursing home: What is next?
After 6 months of my husband and I attempting to be his grandmother's 24/7 caregiver, it has become apparent it is not sustainable. We have tried the hoyer lift, renovated her house for her needs, and hired care aids, and its just not enough. The care aids we hired after I injured myself (some of the most expensive in the region, so I doubt I'll get more help with any other organization) said they wouldn't help anymore because she wasn't mobile enough, was too heavy, and they didn't want to hurt themselves. (We even had OT come to teach them how to use the Hoyer Lift...but I guess that wasn't enough.) Unfortunately every time we work out asses off to make it an inch easier for us, she makes it a mile harder to care for her through non-cooperation. (Since we got the Hoyer lift she refuses to stand for me to clean and change her diaper in the bathroom, and now even refuses to roll over in bed.
So mostly everyone agreed it is time for her to go into a full time nursing facility. I don't even know where to start, even after googling myself to death. We can't do anything yet, as her paperwork for her annuities is still in the red tape and my husband and I are supplementing her on our savings until the money comes through, but I'm hoping we will start picking out a home tomorrow. (My husband went from complete denial that she needed it to agreeing to it, but dragging his feet on the actual implementation.)
That said, since I have POA, along with my husband and his mother, I'm assuming that though she has left, she will still need a caregiver to be working on her behalf. I do not know what all that will entail if she goes into a nursing facility.
What will all that include? Scheduling doctors? Just financial management? Quality checks? Other things I do not know about? I am planning on continuing the caregiving when she goes in, but I'm not sure what to expect after we finally get her settled. I am hoping to find (or resume) my career after she is placed, but I would like an idea of what the time demands will be before I start brushing up the resume and contacting my former boss, who told me when I left I could come back any time.
Thank you in advance for any advice.
4 Answers
Popular Questions
Related Questions
- Where to find a pet friendly senior living?
- My mother has been in and out of ALF's since 09 and wants to live on her own. What do I tell her?
- Nursing director at ALF told my sister that it might be better not to take mom out for outings?
- Is it legally allowed to decline a patient admission to assisted living due to C Diff infection?
You visit, you bring treats, you take her special activities while you're there. You make sure that you attend, either in person or by phone, all of her care conferences. If she needs to see an outside doctor ( that shouldn't happen often) you arrange medical transport and meet her at the office. You manage her money and her insurance.
Make a list of nursing homes. Check their ratings on medicare.gov and on any other rating service you have lically. Call and schedule visits. Get on every waiting list. Make sure they will accept Medicaid after a certain period of private pay.
If any of them smell, you MIGHT want to schedule a second visit if you are impressed in other ways. Nursing homes should not smell. At all. That's a non negotiable.
Visit all the wings, including memory care. Remember, it's the demeanor and caring attitude of the staff and administration that makes a good facility. Not fancy light fixtures or furniture.
She'll probably become dependent on you, resent that dependence, and channel it toward you. Her stubbornness may increase. Don't put yourself in the position of being the target for what seems to be quite an obstinate personality.
Look, even with an elder in a care facility, there is PLENTY to do. In my family, there are three of us managing mom's care. My SIL manages mom's money and the finances; I manage the medical care and questions; my brother does everything else. We all feel like we have an additional not so part time job, in addition to our stressful "real" jobs.