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My 78 year old mother was staying in one after being in the nursing home to recover from a broken hip. Three doctors said she should stay there forever, due to her continued decline from prior strokes and her dementia and inability to walk (she refused to use walker and fell constantly). But, she had the financial resources to afford a home health aide daily, and I was busy setting that up (along with a medic alert system, which she refused to use at the AL facility). However, she got more and more angry, and demanding to come home STAT, and apparently she had been approached by an employee there (dishwasher on night shift, NO medical training) the minute she was admitted, and made arrangements for that woman to "take care of her." Against my wishes as her POA of four years (with an impeccable record of honest dealings and lots of witnesses to my constant care and concern for her needs), she returned home, and then screamed at me to "get the hell out of her life and leave her the hell alone!!!". This nasty woman "caregiver" (who was clinging to her, and petting her, and cooing in her ear during it - gross!) also told me to stay away, and has encouraged my mother to continue her increasing hatred ever since. The first week, I asked the police to let me go in to check on mom, and asked them to run a criminal background check on the woman, which was clean. But the woman immediately had a lawyer come to my mom's home to revoke my POA (which caused my mom to lose a huge lawsuit I was handling for her, since this person wouldn't return any of the attorney's calls and found ways to keep them away from my mom). She replaced me as POA, and immediately went to the bank to assign herself to my mom's accounts then started withdrawing funds. I was still aware of this, as she was too stupid to realize I'd had joint signature accounts and had online access to activity. She has since changed her social security auto-deposit to a different account that she opened. Mom didn't have a huge amount of money, maybe $17,000 in savings and $3000/month Social Security, and I don't want or need her money (I still work). I also don't care about her antiques, paintings, and fine jewelry, but I'm betting this woman does! My main concern is that her bills won't get paid, or that her Medicare supplemental will be allowed to lapse (which would be horrible - she has a great policy). I have no way of knowing any of this now, because the Privacy Acts will not allow anyone to tell me things without bein POA. Anyway, after calls to Adult Protective Services, the Indiana State Board of Health, and discussions with the Police Officer, I found that she is not breaking any laws! The Assisted Living facility said they do not have a policy against moonlightling and cannot do anything to the employee, although they have since discovered that others there are doing it too. Also, as long as my mom can be questioned and say to the Police or whoever "this is what I want" then they cannot do anything. I'm just wondering if anyone else has gone through this, and also wonder how I can make people aware of the hazards of Assisted Living employees in these situations!!! The neurologist says that my mom's particular type of dementia causes confabulation disorder, and because of her "intact sensorium," she can easily fake her way through conversations, seeming as competent as anyone on a superficial level. She can describe a movie plot or hold a conversation and sound fine, but can get lost within her own home or forget what happened two minutes ago. Strange stuff, but I did not want to take the risk of pursuing guardianship and possibly losing a few thousand dollars while she convinced the Judge everything was great. The doctor said they never listen to him. If my mother had not developed such a strong hatred for me right after she broke her hip, and "Evil Daughter" forced her go to the hospital in an ambulance (she wanted me to "leave her alone; she would be fine," even though she'd been sitting in her urine for 12 hours when I found her), then it might be worth it to keep trying to protect her. Before that fateful day of the broken hip and surgery/nursing home rehab (this place is full of old people!!!"), I served her needs constantly and only did the best for her, which she well knew. Then, I was the best thing since sliced bread! But, I wasn;t shocked by the sudden flip; she was a horrible narcissist mother, as bad as it gets, so I am over it now - had a sort of breakdown at first from having her scream in my face to go away, but I've moved on, mostly. I'm just wanting to know how we can change this for the future - I believe that Assisted Living facilities need to be forced to follow some rules about employees. I realize that they are technically "apartments" and self-paid, and that I could go in there and make friends and sell them fake stocks tomorrow, but I think the employees shouldn't be shooting fish in a barrel and making money off of these scams.

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I just typed a long response to "Always My Duty" then it didn't get submitted! At least I don't think so, it might show up later. Anyway, I was just saying that it is amazing how we all have such common experiences and you're right, you do end up crazy, and it's not worth it. So amazingly hard to detach, but this forum really helps! Just knowing other people have felt the same. Yes, you never really get over the concept that your mother never really liked you. Mine always let me know, while she did everything she could to undermine my confidence and screw up my life. In spite of her, I went on to work my way through college and graduate with honors (which she never acknowledged as being true - I ran the therapy department of a major hospital in Indianapolis, and she told people I was "the bookkeeper or something"). Nobody ever worked so hard at being such a constant bitch, yet I still tried to do the right thing. So, while her head spins and she spits pea soup at my memory, I can be in good spiritual alignment and not feel at all bad when she's gone.
Also, to CatTails, the "Guido" thing made me laugh! I'm so glad nobody can read my mind, because my revenge fantasies are pretty creepy. But, it helps somehow, and lucky for the woman, I would never carry them out,
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She was referred for a neuropsych eval, by the neurologist. That doctor also found dementia. Again, the neuropsychologist will not go to court, and will not fill out court forms (they can't be forced to). I consulted with three elderlaw specialists during this, but of course guardianship hearings are expensive and there are NO guarantees of "winning," especially with her confabulation disorder situation - my mom parrots things beautifully, and can sound very oriented at times. The geriatrician she saw (who also felt she should be in Assisted Living, based on her severly impaired motor skills alone) was impressed that my mother could tell her all about the plot of a book she was reading. Actually, my mom had seen the movie years ago and read the book a few times way back when, so that's how superficial some professional opinions can get. After all, some people still use the mini-mental status test as their sole method to determine competency! I have in fact spoken to all the elder abuse hotlines, local and federal, but until actual abuse occurs (and this doesn't count) they can do nothing. I had a Durable POA for four years, which of course specifies that it cannot be revoked if she is incompetent, but there are many unethical attorneys who will do anything for a buck, and this little scam artist has one. The guy came to my mom's condo and was there for several hours, so I'm guessing she re-wrote her Will also. Honestly, I don't care about that part, I'm just sayin'. The amazing thing was that my mom had been recently ruled against for $1.2 million in a Municipal Court case (I helped her with for years, and it came about from her signing things she didn't read or understand), and this new "POA" is not participating in that and is making it impossible for those attorneys to contact her. Those attorneys contatced the scam artist's attorney, and told him the situation, and he said he knew nothing about that. They told him that I had advised the woman about it, and she had told me she was aware of it and read the ruling, and that I planned to report him to the Bar. Apparently, he expressed displeasure over her omission of this info and her knowledge of my extensive role in the litigation as her POA, but it doesn't change anything. My mom wouldn't be able to discuss the case herself, she never understood it or cared, but any one of those attorneys would be able to advise the court of the situation and my mom's incompetency, if they could just meet with her alone. This little scammer is experienced at evading such things. Believe me, I'm very resourceful and have tried every soultion possible, but there are none at this point. Have to wait for something to happen to her, unfortunately.
This whole thing was hard emotionally and has taken huge hunks of my time for the last four years (I took care of 100% of her business), so now I have to focus on my job, and have no interest in being my mother's guardian (especially since she wants me "the HELL out of her life!!!"). But would be happy if the court appointed one, so that she could have real home health aides and be taken to a doctor when needed, etc.
I don't think this little idiot scammer knows about "Healthcare Representative" forms, so if my mom ends up having another stroke and important decisions need to be made, I still have that - unless her friendly attorney thought to do that too. Which means she can make choices that might speed up my mom's death and benefitting from any new Will she had written! Sad, sad world. I see you are an RN, so (like me) you've seen a lot of this stuff. We'll be seeing more; everyone's getting older, as am I, and we live in a world of increasing dishonesty and greed. This whole thing has made me plan to NOT be like my mother by planning ahead as much as possible.
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Linda, this saddens me greatly because I went through something similar. My mom hired a caregiver from an agency and before too long I and my adult kids were told to get the hell out of mom's life. Eighteen months ago mom died. Sister has yet to tell me. Emotionally, I just can't write the words here to detail my nightmare. In the last two years I have hired two different lawyers for two different reasons to handle things mom dumped on me. My retirement fund is slowly being depleted. My mom hated me from childhood until the last time I saw her. One lawyer told me under the circumstances I would be better off to walk away from the emotional strain before I ended up in a physc ward. He was right. The caregiver was named in the will, my kids and I were not. All I can say is fight it if it is worth it to you. My atty told me I could never make my mother like me. That summed it up and I decided not to fight her. I am comfortable with my decision. I sincerely wish you luck. When a mother rejects her child, no matter the age, it carries an unimaginable hurt forever.
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Get an attorney. You can't do this on your own.

and my gut feeling is this AL facility has a bigger group of scams going on - like extreme overbilling or billing for non existent items. Your mom isn't the first I bet to have this happen
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You're welcome, cattails. I think we will be seeing more and more of this stuff. I do plan on contacting the Indiana Assisted Living Association and talking to them about state regulations so that I can see how they feel about potential legislation to improve their ability to deal with these conflict-of-interest situations involving non-professionals with nothing to lose. Worst part is, and I hadn;t mentioned it, my mom lives in a condo I helped her buy, about 800 feet from mine, so I can see this little hillbilly's car in her driveway (it's there right now). Adds to the burn, to be sure!
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Linda: Where's Guido when you need some knee caps broken? So sorry you have to watch this asshole park in the driveway. Thanks again for telling us about this. I never would have imagined it possible. Hugs, Cattails.
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Linda: I have a feeling that Karma is going to bite your mom in the ass eventually. Keep that spiritual alignment in place. Guido comes in all shapes and disguises and Karma is one of them. Same for the conniving rat care giver. At some point, it might be nice for you to move to a new location and leave the reminders behind. Hugs to you, Cattails.
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What was your mom's diagnosis upon entrance at the ALF? When was she diagnosed with dementia before the lady changed the POA? If it was before then I think what she has done is illegal. There must be something that can be done; this sounds so criminal to me. Who is the back up POA in the event that the 1st POA is unable or unwilling to due her POA responsibilities. There was a story once about an elderly guy that i think bought a new car every year. every year the dealership sold him a car but no one ever checked to see if he had a DL or could drive. Someone got involved and things were resolved for this elderly man. It sounds so similiar here.
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Suzmarie, my mother was in fact diagnosed with "mild dementia" while in the nursing home, but the neurologist said he felt she would do fine in Assisted Living "if they would allow her" (she had very poor impulse control, and was falling a lot, among other things). I was able to get her in there for extra rehab, although by then she was furious because she wanted to come home the day after her hip surgery. I was doing my best to accomodate her, but she refused to agree to a caregiver in the home daily, for meds and meals, and immediately started having her relatives haul her home (to find it was locked). They of course never did a friggin' thing for her before that, and haven't since. One took her to an attorney right away. He was going to revoke my POA, but then when he contacted her to set up the next meeting, she didn't ever remember talking to him! So he wised up. But then enters the ALF employee, who had a lawyer come to my mom's condo and do it there, same day (probably she knew him already). He had no knowledge of the diagnosis made by three doctors, and so is legally able to do this, based on his own opinion of her competency at that moment. After all, she was living at home alone, so she must be capable of deciding these things (that's the legal viewpoint, and I've had it confirmed by other attorneys whom I've consulted). When I was POA, the back-up POA was PNF bank, but they only would have kicked in if I had died, not resigned. I don't know who is the back-up on the new one, if anyone. Everything that has been done is, unfortunately, legal. There is no recourse, although I honestly don't care at this point as long as they leave me alone. My mother has expressed her hatred of me very strongly, and I believe her. I was a VERY good daughter and have always done right by her, and lived a responsible lifestyle, but she just never liked me, especially after she married my step-father (and he regularly molested me, and I told, and she refused to help me or stop him, etc...lots of background noise there).
Speaking of car sales, my mom had a car dealer who sold her a new car for $35,000 one year after he sold her the same car in a different color, and he gave her $10,000 in trade-in on the thing (it had less than 5000 miles on it). Then he did it again. Again, no law against it, according to Indiana Attorney General - in fact, she wanted to rescind when I explained the papers and her trade-in amount on the second time, and you can't do that in Indiana! One you buy a car, you don't get three days to back out of that contract. They also sold her a $2800 "maintenance package" for oil changes, etc., which she never used once. So I know about unscrupulous business dealings too! Someone sold her a new roof for $20,000 then didn't stagger the shingles correctly (so they could use less), another charged her $7000 for a new off-brand furnace and $1000 for a new cheapo water heater, another charged her $1000 to remove a small locust tree hit by lightning (took an hour, and I could have done it with an electric chain saw and practically pulled the stump by hand). This was constant with her, if the guy was "so nice!" etc. She always fell for a schmoozer in two seconds flat. I am stunned by the lack of laws to protect elderly people from fraud. In fact, I wish I could set up some stings and go really crazy on this so it was brought to light constantly. I also would love to know if (or when) this little scam artist ALF employee's mother is in an ALF, so I can go invite her to come live with me and prevent her from seeing her evil daughter, and become her mom's POA. Now, THAT would work, I'll bet - not to mention be a barrel of monkeys!
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i can't believe there are no laws to protect the elderly either but I believe you when you tell me there is nothing you can do. i would be so livid. The nerve of this employee. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Can you write to the governor?
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