My 82 year old mother was recently diagnosed with Lewy Body dementia. She's been on the decline for the last few years and exhibits all of the classic symptoms, extreme mood swings, hallucinations, confusion, balance issues, and delusions. She also had a series of mini strokes about 10 years ago that effected her as well. I have two siblings that live near her and I live about an hour away. One of my siblings has been diagnosed as being bi-polar, can't work, and is on government assistance. That said, my other sibling and I have major concerns that my mentally ill sibling is taking money out of my mother's bank account. We fear that there won't be enough left for my mom when we have to put her into a nursing home or assisted living facility, a move that will have to be made soon. Does anyone have any suggestions?

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When you say "we have major concerns that sibling is taking money out of mother's bank account", do you mean that you have evidence that s/he's doing that?

Does that sibling live with mom? Does anyone have POA?

You mention that mom has delusions. Is she telling you that sibling is taking her money?
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to BarbBrooklyn

The only way they can get money is if they are on her bank account or has Mom sign a check. If they are signing that is fraud and you can report them. Who has POA? That person should take the checkbook and inform the bank that their signature is the only one they can except. If no POA, if Mom is still confident then get one.

If Mom needs Medicaid in the next 5 years, any large amounts of money withdrawn will be questioned.
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Reply to JoAnn29
Jaynem Jan 11, 2019
Not true about getting money out of her account—- anyone can sign the checks and cash them—- we’ve had the same problem with my brother stealing her checks —- there is no protection unless you file a complaint with the security department at the bank—- which my mom refuses to do—- I’m a legitimate signer on her account—-
Enlist the help of an elder care attorney to get control over finances and healthcare placements...
moms LBD is only going to result in more challenges in the future, and having an outside person calling the shots might prove to be worthwhile.
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Reply to Dadsakid

Did your Mother nominate POA's? Do you have evidence of wrong doing? I called Adult Protective Services and filed a complaint, but nothing happened.

I recently filed a petition for judicial relief on behalf of my Mother against my ex-siblings.

Don't give up on your Mother!
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Reply to Ladyshfr
Craig79 Jan 9, 2019
POA in place but it’s complicated. She put her brother on as 1 and executor for her will. I’m second followed by my siblings the last being the problem person. We do have proof.
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As a legitimate signer on her account can you file a complaint that "someone else" has been presenting checks that have not been legally signed?

One thing you could do is file for Guardianship. That way you can file the complaint, you can contact police about theft.

This may come back to bite if at some point you have to file for Medicaid on her behalf. Any money "missing" that can not be accounted for would be considered a "gift" or it has been "hidden".

I do hope you are planning a move soon for Mom. Many places have waiting lists so get her name on a few of them. If they call and you are not ready (or she is not ready) they can put her back on the list and will call you again. Also ask if they take Medicaid. Many places will but it is best if you are there for a year or more before Medicaid has to be implemented.
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Reply to Grandma1954

All kids must have an understanding. Split mother’s account to Bucket 1 account which funds her living exp. let the care giver handle it. He or she submits a regular update to the rest of the family members. Then the second account is Bucket 2. Put her rest of money into this account. Structure this properly with signature power. Money needed to care for her gets moved into bucket 1 on an annual basis after approval from all parties.
I have done such a thing to care for my mother in-law 81 years old and works well. Need to be honest and transparent. Managing finance and health care POA needs to be separate if need be. Make sure get durable POA and advance health directives done and are in place
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Reply to Sankarrph

If you suspect your brother, go to the bank and notify them immediately that he should not be taking any money from the account. Also if you don't have a POA get one now. Watch all of her bank statements and if you find something you have not authorized notify the police and tell them what you suspect. My nephew did this to my brother and wiped him out so he could not pay his bills. He knew when his father's checks came and got the money before my brother could. He was forging his father's name. My brother ended up his life without the home he had purchased forty years ago and came to live with me. Even then that man called his father for money, which he did not get because the court gave his guardian ship to his daughter. The only thing my brother had left was his dog, and when the dog died so did my brother. His family found the proof but would not do anything about it. My nephew has bi-polar and is an alcoholic. So don't wait until its too late act now.
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Reply to Mary1934

Have you spoken to your sibling? Let him or her know that you see what is going on. Explain that if your mother needs Medicaid in the next five years it might be a major problem to have large sums of money unaccounted for. Then, I would close the account he/she is accessing and open a new one. Don't get checks made- pay everything online or get bank checks drawn if you have to pay something by check. Get an ATM only card (not a debit card) and don't share the PIN.
I would also put a freeze on my mother's credit. It's easy to do and now it's free, too.

Best of luck.
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Reply to Marcia7321

My neighbor who happens to be my ex friend is stealing money from her mother's bank account. Her Mom has dementia and doesn't know anyone let alone what is going on with her own finances being misspent and squandered so the daughter can go on trips which she never afforded before. The daughter is the power of attorney. That being need to be the power of attorney for your Mom and I would recommend that you and your other sibling have dual power of attorney and try your best to make good decisions together for your Mom and her finances. It us what's best. The neighbor is now being taken to court by 2 siblings that have proof she's been stealing...she has until January 18th to get all bank statements to county judge...shall we say felony charges are coming...the brothers have already submitted bank statements with $10,000 missing. There are 2 homes that need sold and the daughter refuses to sell those...the judge already seed responsibility with regards to her Mom and finances. Why have 2 homes and pay thousands in bills when the Mom is in a nursing home and can return home? Be accountable to each what's best for your Mom, and be responsible with Moms money and you'll stay out of situations like my ex friend and neighbor. Do what's best and what's right for Mom..and it isn't always easy either! If you have to hire caretakers do so do what needs to be done and cooperate with each other. Good luck!
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Reply to Stef1970

If your mom needs Medicaid at some point, you will have to file a police report about the stolen money. Waiting may cause problems as theft should be reported as soon as it is discovered.

Mental illness can be successfully treated, so it isn't really an excuse to give him a pass for theft.

Each day he is making choices to comply with doctors orders or not, bi-polar is difficult because they long for the highs and they don't get them on meds, they don't want to live a flatline existence, it's not nearly as exciting. Also, alcohol and bi-polar meds are a really bad combination.

POA does not give free access to the persons money. Please protect your mom and file a police report, you have the proof and maybe that jail time is what is needed to get your brothers attention and get him off the alcohol so his meds will work.

I don't mean to sound harsh but when we know something is happening and we do nothing, we are complicit and just as guilty as the person doing the act. You have said your mom cannot protect her self, she trusted her brother and you 1st to take care of her, third person is usually a peace keeping move. She was believing that she had 2 layers between her and your brother. Honor her in this awful situation.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal

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