Dealing with my aging mother and a sibling who's taking advantage of her bank account. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Craig79;

Report fraudulent activity to the bank and/or police. Put sibling on notice, preferably in writing.

Consider consulting an Elder Care attorney (if mom has enough funds, it should be used to pay for this and/or any court costs.) Rules vary by state for these issues and for Medicaid. As others have noted, Medicaid, if she needs it, will do a 5 year look-back, and any funds that cannot be accounted for will count against mom (aka THAT amount of money will have to be paid out of pocket first before Medicaid kicks in.)

Work with uncle, if possible, to close ALL current accounts and open new ones, using POA.

Have all mail for these new accounts diverted to one of you.

If uncle does not want responsibility, have him decline IN WRITING, notarized.

Since sibling still has POA assignment, make sure bank is aware of this and take steps to try to prevent him/her using it (if you change banks and don't allow him/her to know which one, it can deter the withdrawals, at least for a while.) There appears to be a hierarchy (uncle, then you, then the others), so make them aware that while uncle and you are working together on this, the other siblings POA should not be "active". If you are all listed as joint, you will need to override all POA with stewardship via the courts.

For SS, apply to be representative payee (it IS the only legitimate way to use someone else's SS income, per SS, although many just leave the money going to regular account and use POA to handle finances. SS and other federal entities do NOT honor any kind of POA) It will require a special account set up, yearly accounting of how money is used (must be for mom's needs) and only one person can be on the account - not even the principal can have access to it. Only SS funds can be in this account. Keep records of how money is spent.

For any other income, have it diverted to the new account (non SS.)

After or while protecting what remains/future income, work on getting sibling off POA - most likely this will require going to court and getting guardianship and stewardship (medical and financial) - these will override ANY and ALL POA. Unless mom is competent (doesn't sound like she is), she cannot revoke the POAs or change the will. Also note that all POA end at time of death.

Craig79 I must ask this question. I do not judge anyone. I am just wondering, if your mom is sick and has A POA, why isn't the POA involved in her care and finances.

Need to get that POA started and finished now! See an Elder Law Attorney now! Worth the money! Take family leave and get it done.
blessings
hgn

Do you have power of attorney? You will need it eventually. You and the other sib could be named as joint POA or just one of you. With POA you would have control over the bank account. You could see what is happening with it. You could also close the account and open another one somewhere else. Please get control of this situation right away. Please check credit reports as well looking for accounts opened by this troubled sib. Do you have evidence of actual theft. If so, that is another matter as to how you want to handle that.

Has anyone brought up their suspicions about sibling taking money to an employee of the bank? They are REQUIRED to report suspected elder financial abuse. A poor representative of the bank can attempt to sweep it under the rug, you need to be the squeaky wheel and go higher up. Talk to the branch manager or even better ask for their compliance officer's name and contact information, they will take this situation very seriously. I'm sure the signatures don't match on the checks, if done at an atm there's video of the transaction. If you do not do anything about this, you too will be liable after the fact. Don't jeopardize your good name to cover for your sibling, they are the one at fault. Apparently the person cashing the checks did not do a signature verification at all, easy to do, right on the computer screen, can be enlarged, rotated, etc. Becomes complacent after awhile since I'm assuming that this has been an ongoing problem. Good luck, be proactive for your loved one, this may be a way to get your sibling the extra help they need. This is why my SIL is NOT on MIL accounts, fears of her using it as her personal atm.

Close mother's bank account and divert funds into a new account. You may want also see an elder law attorney.

If your mom needs Medicaid at some point, you will have to file a police report about the stolen money. Waiting may cause problems as theft should be reported as soon as it is discovered.

Mental illness can be successfully treated, so it isn't really an excuse to give him a pass for theft.

Each day he is making choices to comply with doctors orders or not, bi-polar is difficult because they long for the highs and they don't get them on meds, they don't want to live a flatline existence, it's not nearly as exciting. Also, alcohol and bi-polar meds are a really bad combination.

POA does not give free access to the persons money. Please protect your mom and file a police report, you have the proof and maybe that jail time is what is needed to get your brothers attention and get him off the alcohol so his meds will work.

I don't mean to sound harsh but when we know something is happening and we do nothing, we are complicit and just as guilty as the person doing the act. You have said your mom cannot protect her self, she trusted her brother and you 1st to take care of her, third person is usually a peace keeping move. She was believing that she had 2 layers between her and your brother. Honor her in this awful situation.

You need to get POA when you have it do it for medical and financial but she has to sign, if she can't you have to go to court, to get emergency POA by court show she is not able to care for herself, I don't know what state you are butin so check but you have rights but get legal help to stop a account drain.

I would think your first step is to contact your uncle who has POA and explain the situation to him. If he is unable to manage the situation, he may be able to transfer his POA to you as the second in line. Your mother has already been diagnosed with dementia, so she is unable to make changes. An elder attorney should be contacted.

Contact an elder care attorney.

Do you have proof that she isn’t using it for care of your mother or the house? Do they live together? Have joint bank accounts? Are you on speaking terms with her? Is sis on SSI? A lot of questions still exist. How does the fridge look? Enough food? What about supplies? Enough diapers or pull-ups, gloves, A&D ointment, chucks? Does mother stay in bed all day or does she get out w assistance? Does she need hospital bed or hoyer lift? Are all these needs being met? Have a Nurse do an assessment from a home health care agency. Does she have a home health Aide come in to wash & dress her? Help w bed bath or shower?
Check what you need for mother. Try not to accuse sis who also needs help!
Hugs 🤗

Have you spoken to your sibling? Let him or her know that you see what is going on. Explain that if your mother needs Medicaid in the next five years it might be a major problem to have large sums of money unaccounted for. Then, I would close the account he/she is accessing and open a new one. Don't get checks made- pay everything online or get bank checks drawn if you have to pay something by check. Get an ATM only card (not a debit card) and don't share the PIN.
I would also put a freeze on my mother's credit. It's easy to do and now it's free, too.

Best of luck.

Is your name on the account? If so take the Money out the first of every month and put it in another account at the same bank. Give the bipolar person a stipend if it’s needed. Talk to the bank mgr. Hopefully you have POA. If not, start working on a conservatorship now before all the money is gone- it’s a long hard road.

Enlist the help of an elder care attorney to get control over finances and healthcare placements...
moms LBD is only going to result in more challenges in the future, and having an outside person calling the shots might prove to be worthwhile.

If you suspect your brother, go to the bank and notify them immediately that he should not be taking any money from the account. Also if you don't have a POA get one now. Watch all of her bank statements and if you find something you have not authorized notify the police and tell them what you suspect. My nephew did this to my brother and wiped him out so he could not pay his bills. He knew when his father's checks came and got the money before my brother could. He was forging his father's name. My brother ended up his life without the home he had purchased forty years ago and came to live with me. Even then that man called his father for money, which he did not get because the court gave his guardian ship to his daughter. The only thing my brother had left was his dog, and when the dog died so did my brother. His family found the proof but would not do anything about it. My nephew has bi-polar and is an alcoholic. So don't wait until its too late act now.

Personally, if your mother agrees, I would ask to go through her mail and look at her bank statements so you are sure of the facts.
Without knowing details of the situation I would definitely say contact an elder care attorney in your area for a consultation. This will give you an understanding of how to move forward in situations like this if he is in fact spending her money.

My neighbor who happens to be my ex friend is stealing money from her mother's bank account. Her Mom has dementia and doesn't know anyone let alone what is going on with her own finances being misspent and squandered so the daughter can go on trips which she never afforded before. The daughter is the power of attorney. That being said...you need to be the power of attorney for your Mom and I would recommend that you and your other sibling have dual power of attorney and try your best to make good decisions together for your Mom and her finances. It us what's best. The neighbor is now being taken to court by 2 siblings that have proof she's been stealing...she has until January 18th to get all bank statements to county judge...shall we say felony charges are coming...the brothers have already submitted bank statements with $10,000 missing. There are 2 homes that need sold and the daughter refuses to sell those...the judge already seed responsibility with regards to her Mom and finances. Why have 2 homes and pay thousands in bills when the Mom is in a nursing home and can return home? Be accountable to each other...do what's best for your Mom, and be responsible with Moms money and you'll stay out of situations like my ex friend and neighbor. Do what's best and what's right for Mom..and it isn't always easy either! If you have to hire caretakers do so do what needs to be done and cooperate with each other. Good luck!

POA is a legal document and the named “agents” have a fiduciary responsibility to, in your case, your mom. I suggest contacting an attorney to have the POA revoked. The attorney will help navigate the details of what to do next if mom’s competency is questionable.

All kids must have an understanding. Split mother’s account to Bucket 1 account which funds her living exp. let the care giver handle it. He or she submits a regular update to the rest of the family members. Then the second account is Bucket 2. Put her rest of money into this account. Structure this properly with signature power. Money needed to care for her gets moved into bucket 1 on an annual basis after approval from all parties.
I have done such a thing to care for my mother in-law 81 years old and works well. Need to be honest and transparent. Managing finance and health care POA needs to be separate if need be. Make sure get durable POA and advance health directives done and are in place

As a legitimate signer on her account can you file a complaint that "someone else" has been presenting checks that have not been legally signed?

One thing you could do is file for Guardianship. That way you can file the complaint, you can contact police about theft.

This may come back to bite if at some point you have to file for Medicaid on her behalf. Any money "missing" that can not be accounted for would be considered a "gift" or it has been "hidden".

I do hope you are planning a move soon for Mom. Many places have waiting lists so get her name on a few of them. If they call and you are not ready (or she is not ready) they can put her back on the list and will call you again. Also ask if they take Medicaid. Many places will but it is best if you are there for a year or more before Medicaid has to be implemented.

If he is mentally ill why does he have access to your moms money unless your mom is still her own person she can give him as much as she wants and you can’t stop her so you must get your mother diagnosed to be in need of a guardian therefore you can or someone can take control of her assets

You might be a bit more forthcoming so we can advise. How do you have proof? Does she have an ATM card or check signing privileges?

Did your Mother nominate POA's? Do you have evidence of wrong doing? I called Adult Protective Services and filed a complaint, but nothing happened.

I recently filed a petition for judicial relief on behalf of my Mother against my ex-siblings.

Don't give up on your Mother!

When you say "we have major concerns that sibling is taking money out of mother's bank account", do you mean that you have evidence that s/he's doing that?

Does that sibling live with mom? Does anyone have POA?

You mention that mom has delusions. Is she telling you that sibling is taking her money?

The only way they can get money is if they are on her bank account or has Mom sign a check. If they are signing that is fraud and you can report them. Who has POA? That person should take the checkbook and inform the bank that their signature is the only one they can except. If no POA, if Mom is still confident then get one.

If Mom needs Medicaid in the next 5 years, any large amounts of money withdrawn will be questioned.