How many of these mean, borderline moms and abusive, narcissistic mother-in-laws that I read about here so often were that way all of their lives?

Speaking of Mother's Day: For many years I have gone to Hallmark, standing in front of the cards, reading every one, looking for the appropriate sentiment, because I am not a phony. I find the least mushy, the most detached message, and I buy that one. Some years, depending on my mood, I will buy a beautiful one--tongue in cheek. OH, HOW NICE!
I read and cry, read and get a lump in my throat, read and get pissed off. Then I remember the wonderful cards I get every Mother's Day, birthday, Christmas and Easter, from MY children, and I know the price I paid was worth something.
There are trailblazers, pioneers, and those who have "gone before" who made awful sacrifices for progress. Sometimes I guess it has to be us, and I believe God will honor that.
I think if you had a crappy Mother, you don't have to get her a Mother's Day card at all.
The Bible tells us to "Honor your Father and Mother..", but I don't think it means you take everything they did and said, and repeat it, or agree with it, or accept it. If they were BAD, God knows and YOU know. He'll deal with them.
Jesus also said, "Fathers, do not aggravate (or embitter, or irritate) your children.." I think this goes for Mothers too, taking into consideration modern culture. He warned them...
Every night as I put my Mother to bed, I remind her to talk to God about her fears and to listen to what He says. On some level, I hope she gets it. I am absolutely a better "Mother" to her, than she was to me, at any age.
Yes, I deserve to be honored on Mother's Day! LOL

OMG it is absolutely amazing! How many nasty mean hateful lying cheating stealing bitches there are around, AND my Mom readily admits that she will lie manipulate and do whatever she can to get her way. She makes me so angry that I could, and sometimes do just scream. I can tell when she is up to something and knows EXACTLY what she is doing. I can see it in her eyes. I know when she is in her right mind and stirring the pot.

She is a mean hateful self-centered brat - and she taught school. She tries to act like she's this rich b... Born with a silver spoon in her mouth. I told her she acts like she has a stick up her a... She has chased every friend my family has ever had away because of the way she acts. I just cannot believe she will actually admit that she will lie to get what she wants.

A couple of months ago she took every set of keys to the vehicles of the household and put them in my bottom dresser drawer then claimed that I took them. I about went nuts trying to find the keys because we had Dr appts that day that we had to get to. Fortunately, I had an extra set hidden in my pocketbook, so her little "trick" didn't get the result she was after, but trying to find the keys to my parents van was the bad part. My son found them.

She pulls this kind of stuff all the time to try to make me look bad to the rest of the family so she can claim that I'm mistreating her.

She has been this way all my life. When I was younger I didn't know why she always picked on me. I was always the one she went after. She would go into my bedroom and tear it apart. She took everything off my dresser top, broke all my glass items, tore everything out of my dresser and closet, Well you get the idea. But this didn't happen once, she did it ALL the time. It got so bad that I tried to put a lock on my door, but my dad stopped me.

I've since found out from my siblings and psychologist that part of the reason she did this was because of the attention my Dad paid to me. Apparently, I am his favorite child, and anything that pulled attention from her got nailed. So I've been a target for her since I was born. (I'm the oldest). I'm 55, she's 82 and has Alzheimer's, you can just imagine what I'm dealing with....... I can't cry all the time, so tonight it's just funny.

Honoring an abusive mother does not mean tolerating or enabling her poor conduct and wrong thinking. "Honor" is what God does to His Father and to each of us. He recognizes the potentiality of the human soul, the part of the person whom He gave His precious life to save. I am trying to live above the horror knowing that one day I shall stand before God and give an account...and HE will heal the pain and replace the sad memories and loss of what could have been.

My mom, a single parent for several years, abused me her only child just like her younger sister, also a single mom, abused her three boys.

It is incredible how many mean mothers and mothers in law are talked about on this site. Makes one wonder if we should even have a mother's day at all.

Mine is just as she always has been. I just didn't notice how bad it was until I had my own children. She is still playing games, telling lies, acting like a three year old. Selfish beyond belief. The difference now is I have distanced myself from her and what a difference! I don't even want to contact her anymore, but eventually I will, but on my terms.

This week, my 82 year old mentally/emotionally disturbed, abusive mom was told by me: "You've always been hard on us-- and it effected our self esteem" when she pointed out that all three of us daughters had men abandon us with our children. Her response: "I'm not going to think about that"-- same as ever; only she didn't hang up on me because she's alienated EVERYONE else, and needs assistance. I actually sort of hung up on her-- said I was going shopping since she didn't want to hear my truth. I also said: "You want your independence, but I have to give up mine to help you-- so you can make your decision to live 2 hours away, but I will no longer be using every spare minute I have, neglecting my needs to meet yours." I love my mom, but I have learned to love myself more than she ever did me. Not hard to do, since she resented me for many reasons that were not my fault: being a girl-child, looking like her prettier sister, being liked by my dad, being intelligent, etc. I've learned not to hate myself as she did me, but value what is good about me-- especially that I can still love my mom and not return the physical/mental/emotional/sexual abuse now that she is dependent.

My sib refers to my mom as "baby jane". Its funny. Yes, I think the behavior escalates or excerbates as we age. Those who are kind, active, independent exhibit those behaviors til the end; those who are otherwise, withdrawal, demand, feel entitled just gets worse with age and it falls on those who stick around "to do whats right" or are still looking for redemption from the parent. Sadly, rarely are issues resolved no matter how much care and love we give.

My mother was always a very phoney narcissist. All age and illness has done is exaggerate those qualities. My therapist has helped me to understand there is nothing I can do about her total absence of empathy, but I have no problem slamming the door on her when her language gets too vile and insulting.

Karen, do you have to stay with her? It ain' t gonna get any better.....

Karen, I have seen this said many times on this site that people who were abused should not be involved in the direct care of the person who abused them. My wife was told this by her therapist and even added how far she wanted her to live away from her mother for her own good. I have read others make the same type of statement here too.