My siblings have kept me from my mom for 7 weeks now. I have no idea where she is. She fell 3 months ago, had subdural bleed, then surgery. I took care of her in her home previously for several years. Sibs deny this and have tried to get me evicted. Excuse is they want to sell house to pay for her care. I leave soon and unsure where to. The cruelness is truly unbelievable. I tried to get APS involved. It was a joke. The young woman spent about an hour with my mom. She returned with comments that my mom did not want me to know where she is, nor her friends. We are the ones who spent the most time with her. Now she is isolated because the siblings have tainted her demented and damaged brain. It is probably one of the saddest and toxic situations anyone could imagine.
My most toxic controlling brother wrote me and emailed me yesterday asking me to not try to find my mom saying she does not want to see me. And then asked me how it felt to know I would never see her again. How sick is this?
As you can imagine, having been her caregiver, this is so painful to have a sick family that would do this to any member of a family. I feel there is nothing more I can do. I realize now my mom was demented pre fall, but now I know she is definitely compromised (per her neuro doc and NP) with being isolated and groomed. It appears they have turned everyone against me, including aunts and cousins. When I called my mom's sister last night, she hung up on me.
The tears I have shed and the grief of this loss is unbearable. I do not know what else I can do. The most toxic brother is very rich and he will do anything to continue to torture me. I have very little work and no home due to the time I spent with my mom. He calls me lazy and unsuccessful. He is rich and that is his idea of success and he tells my mom he can pay for everything, which is a lie. He wants the money from her house, so he does not have to spend his money.
How does one go on? In the darkness of this situation it is hard to see the light. How do you crawl out and move forward? I feel so paralyzed and need to move forward, but it is so hard. I plan on leaving the country to step back and look at situation and take a break. It feels so lonely though and not sure that is the remedy. Not sure what else I can do. How can family treat one person (me) so badly when they were not there to help and now control the end?
Help!
If your mom isn't living in her house there's nothing wrong with your brother wanting to sell the house to help pay for mom's care, even if you're living there. That house is an asset and can be used to pay for so much care for your mom, there's really no reason why you need to live there. If you're not caring for mom I would think you'd want a place of your own.
Why don't you see a lawyer? Maybe a lawyer can help you see your mom.
I think the only thing an lawyer can do is try to do guardianship and he said it was hardly worth it and too expensive. Obviously something I cannot afford.
I am paralyzed with depression from the siblings hatred and toxicity. I never knew how bad it could be and that in her demented mind, she would take sides with the ones who never did anything for her, but are now, seeming heroic. She is loving the attention, from what friends have said, since she never got it from them and now has turned on me. How crummy and cruel is that?
She was mean to me the last time I saw her when she was in rehab, but mellowed out too after some time. I brought some friends to see her and they witnessed this. And I spoke with her alone before I left telling her to not listen to the siblings, and to not be angry at me, that I loved her. And that was the last I saw of her over 7 weeks ago. I know my jealous, cruel an controlling brother is calling the shots. To ask me how it feels that my mother never wants to see me again, is downright dirty. Everyone I have told this cannot get over the mean spirit he has. He certainly has issues. So, I have blocked the brother's emails and I leave the country in just a bit over 2 weeks. I miss my mom terribly, but I have tried everything I can do to see her. His comment if I found her, I would be escorted out by the police, shows what he is like. He will never see what he does is wrong because he is angry an arrogant. My solace is Karma will take care of him. So, I am moving forward. I just wish things had not ended this way with my mom and I. A friend thinks I should try to get a letter to her via a friend. Not sure how or if it will make any difference. With her polluted brain and brain injury, I am not sure it will make any difference. I feel I already said my peace. Not sure how more will make any difference. I cannot imagine her turning against me like this. I cannot imagine any parent doing that. She is 92.
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