Does anyone have any advice on dealing with a parent who is extremely self-centered to the point of being emotionally abusive at times? My mother has been self-centered her whole life. I am a single woman, work full-time as an IT exec, and have a small horse farm. I do my best to be present in their lives as much as possible, but she is driving me away with her constant whining, nagging, and complaints. My father's 80th birthday is at the end of the month and I am trying to plan a small celebration for him. I invited my aunt and uncle to town, reserved an Air BnB for them, and made the plans for the celebration. I let my mother know so she could help make plans for the day on their end. Now she is whining and won't let it go that I should have booked the AirBnB in her town and done everything at their house. (My parents are still both fully independent and capable of driving 5 hours to the beach when they want. I live 45 minutes away.) They do have an elderly dog that requires eye drops and medicine several times a day. But the dog and medicines travel just fine.
She told me today she wasn't going to let this go and now I have 28 days to live with this constant nagging. I have paid $500 for the Airbnb, spent hours creating outdoor living space, as well as making sure my house will be ready to host.
I had to hang up today because she was just over-the-top with this demand that I switch up everything.
First, in Reddit speak, am I the for putting my foot down and keeping everything at my house? If not, how do I deal with this? I am not the crying sort, but I just want to break down and cry over this whole thing.
I am 80 and my partner is 82. I wouldn't like that one little bit, quite honestly. Yes, we can still drive; but certainly we do that less happily and less easily and never at night. In fact I have given up my license. We are happiest with a quiet life at home. Christmas Eve is one a year here. That's about our limit on celebrations, and it is in our home, and to tell the truth, smaller and smaller tree, less and less food--hee hee. And I ofted out of presents two years ago; very happily.
Just my own opinion, but plans that involve elders, no matter how well meaning made, should first be passed by the elders. Surprise is no as appreciated as when you were young.
This was planned and is in the works. I don't know how happy you can keep your Mom throughout, but if Mom was always a bit self-centered, how happy was she ever?
I wish you the best.
She started with trying to manipulate the menu planning and has escalated from there.
If either of them had given up their license, I would have approached this differently.
"She told me today she wasn't going to let this go "
And you should tell her if that's the case, that she isn't going to go.
You are being manipulated; she will continue to assault you until she gets her way.
I am not in for that ungrateful, toxic behavior. Me? I'd cancel it and let her plan her own party her own way and yes pay for it too.