Dealing with 2 parents in 2 places. Any advice?

So, the parents are in facilities, yes?

We needed to say, repeatwdlu, to mom, "talk to the staff". At the beginning, we needed to call the facility.

Karen, I know what your hubby is going through. At one time my Mom and Dad were living in two separate places. Mom was in long-term-care due to late stage dementia brought on by a fall.... and my Dad still lived in their house with the help of caregivers.

To help your hubby, if Dad calls the house you take the call and tell Dad you will call "maintenance" to come help Dad with whatever needs fixing. Have on hand that telephone number. Eventually you will get on a first name basis with them :)

As for visiting Mom, set aside a certain day of the week to go over to see her, so that Dad can be picked up so he can visit. Unless the visits are difficult for Dad and/or Mom. It can't be easy being away from one's spouse.

I know my Dad wished my Mom was back at home but he realized he didn't want to see her in that condition 24/7.... once a day for a hour was enough on his emotions. His caregiver would drive him there around lunch time, so that the caregiver could help feed my Mom.

Are both your husband's parents in separate facilities? If dad is in AL, then, there is really isn't reason for him to be calling twice a day. It's disturbing and creates too much mental stress for the family member. I used to encounter at least 2 if not many more a day from my cousin in AL. As her POA, the facility would call for her anytime for any reason. Things like she couldn't locate her hair brush or she didn't want to eat her breakfast. It was so unnecessary.

I'd discuss it with the staff so that his dad is not allowed to do that. If he has an emergency, the staff can call your husband. And if dad needs help with remote, the staff can assist him.

If dad continues to ask about visits to his wife, I'd determine if he is forgetting what plans have been made or if he is just anxious to get there. If he's forgetting, it's not likely any daily reminders will help. Perhaps mark it on a calendar in his room with big letters. But, if it's memory, he may forget to look at the calendar. I'd just have the staff to remind him that the visit is soon and leave it at that. Twice daily reminders won't help either if he's forgetting.