How do you deal with a whining Mom?

Duct tape? *dang it we need emoticons on here, so imagine I inserted a joking one*

Try: "Not now, but if you ask me in a normal voice rather than as a whiny child, I'll get it for you right away"

Sometimes I find the things that irritate me about caring for my mother who did this whining thing way before she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's are things none related to the action she is displaying. So I reason with myself and ask myself the question. Is she doing this to irritate me? Does this action take me back to a time when I was a whiner or someone in my life was whining? Take courage. When I checked myself then I changed my approach to her. I placed my concern on what she wanted and not how she said it. To be truthful, I did not always get to my thought process as quick as I should but I keep working on it. Your Mom trust you, and respects that you are caring for her. She doesn't want you ever feel that she does not honor the time you take to care for her. Hope this helps.

I recently heard someone say: " If she is pushing your buttons, move the buttons!"

Sounds like several of you are saying that. Very good idea. Not easily done, but a goal worth striving for. ;)

Hello there! I care for my elderly mother as well. I totally understand what you mean. I basically care for my mom on my own without the help of my siblings. It's a lot of responsibility to handle to care for someone but it comes when your the one they trust and rely on for their care. What I try to do a lot is try to get her mind to think about other things, I joke around or we end up calling her sister overseas or just play some music. It's just their way of knowing that you care and are not going anywhere, since no one else comes around as much. It shows how much she needs you!

No idea but much, much sympathy!

Unfortunately, the same way that you deal with a whiny toddler. I'm always challenged with how to do this while still showing the respect my father has earned as my parent. He is, in some ways, very much like a toddler (self-focused, unable to process complex concepts, unable to consider consequences in decision-making...). And dealing with him in ways that recognize that is effective. So, I do take the 'mom' role, but try to temper it with acknowledgement that he's my father and he should be in control of his own life to the degree that he can be; even when his decisions aren't always the smart ones. Again, like a toddler, I choose my battles and try to avoid conflict in the ones that I get into. Little white lies are my best tools.

Yes, to respond to your question, this indeed is something you expect that your mother is NOT able to do.

And perhaps it has nothing at all to do with you.

Your attachment to her speaking in a certain way may be making life unnecessarily unpleasant for both of you. As 'Zonlangirl' commented above, it's best to focus on what is being said and what is needed rather than the tone of voice.

With consistent effort, we can train ourselves to stop reacting to these annoyances. If you can, find something to be thankful for and switch the negative thought to one of gratitude. This perspective helps us remain emotionally neutral with annoying people.

Keep a smile on your face and a lilt to your voice and compassionately detach from your mother and the buttons she knows all too well how to push. Blessings and good luck to you both.

Oh, and don't take it personally. Whatever the folks say or how they behave, we just can't take it personally. Work on developing a healthy, emotional detachment from what can be really hurtful treatment. I can't believe I've been able to achieve that to a great extent now. It took a long time, but it's made all the difference first in my stress level and ability to remain calm, and then in Mom's calmer responses to me. SO important!

Hapgolucke1, you have to understand that elders become child like as they age. The roles reverse. We are the adults now and they are the children. So telling her to ask you for her med in "a mature voice" may not happen, even though YOU want it to.