How do you deal with wanting mom to let go and be in peace and also wanting to see her again and be your mom?

Do not confuse regret with guilt. Sure you regret her decline, you want to see her set free. Just know that it all happens in God's time and it is not up to you. Celebrate the good times and accept what is for now.

Pattiejean, I remembered how helpless I felt when my father was in his last days. I felt like there was something I should be doing to make it better. It felt so much better when I told myself that it was in God's hands and not up to me. I'm not a religious person, but I took a lot of comfort in it. I hope that you can find comfort. You've done as much as you can during your lifetime with your mother. It sounds like you're very close. It is so hard to watch them as they come to the end of their time here on earth. Maybe going through it with them makes it easier for us to let go. We go through so much grief during this time that it can bring a huge release when they finally are able to cross over to what lays beyond.

I have to admit I feel a little envy when anyone on AC posts about the death of their loved one. I don't know what is keeping my mom here other than her fear of death, I know her last years are just miserable but she just isn't ready to go. When people say something about mom living to 100 she used to say "I hope not", now that she is 97 it has become her goal.

cwillie, I understand exactly what you mean. My mother has been sick for so long and it feels like I am carrying a heavy sack of gravel. So it isn't just for her, it is also for me. Sometimes someone can cheerily say, "She is going to live to 100" and I'm horrified at the thought. She just turned 90 and every day for her is in misery. While others may pray for long life, I hope for mercy. Why would people or their loved ones want to hold on to such misery? I know it is hard for the soul to leave the body. It's scary not knowing what lays beyond.

I can relate. The other day my 84 year old mother said "I have another ten years left in me" and my husband and I both looked at each other in panic. I don't know if I have another ten months worth of patience left.

I always said I wanted to live to 100 if I could still roller skate. You have to love mom enough to let her go. Fortunately, we are not in charge. We don't understand why God would leave someone here who is in misery. Perhaps there's more growth we have to experience with hard times. You have my sympathy dear. Hugs to you