So burnt out on the same arguments. My mother has HUGE swings with her Alz, in the course of two weeks, she will go from incoherent to near normal. Every time she goes back to near 'normal' she loses all the memories of the previous near normal...and she starts obsessing about her money again. She can't understand that she has two accounts, one savings, one checking..but she remembers she had about $4000. So I have to go through the guilt and anxiety of her 'finding out' I have spent all her money. We spent her down to under $2000 for Medicaid, because we will need to put her in a NH at some point (if her heart doesn't give out first). She denies she ever gave me permission to do that, she denies she ever agreed to have her funeral where I made the arrangements, and is quite upset about it.

I have a hard time dealing with the constant 'how much money do I have left?" and "WHY? Why would you pick THAT funeral home?! I don't know anyone there!" "You just took over everything! I am not crazy yet!"

How do you deal with the cycles? I am so tired of having this same fight over and over and over. I feel like I am in "Groundhog Day"! Someone suggested videotaping when I talk to her so next time I can just play the tape as proof..

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Like geo said, it's always a struggle but I don't see anything wrong with telling her whatever it is she needs to hear to stay calm. She'll forget the information soon enough and you know there's no reasoning with an unreasonable person. Even though she has times of lucidity her brain is still damaged from the Alzheimer's.
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My mom doesn't have Alzheimer's but I go through basically the same thing with her. We did start to write things down. She writes it, herself, in her little notebook. Then, I make her take out her notebook and she's puzzled that she recognizes her own writing. Unfortunately, she often can't actually read her own writing.

I also sometimes don't tell her everything. If she says she can't buy a new car because she doesn't have the money, I just let it go and let her think that. I wouldn't want her looking at cars, anyway. But if she sounds like she's refusing to pay a bill because she doesn't have money, I take out her checkbook and point to her balance, which is enough to cover basic bills.

It's always a struggle, though.
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Document everything. Keep receipts. I hope you have POA and an advance medical directive. If she's obsessed with the idea that she should have $4,000, can you lie and tell her that's how much she's got left? I don't see what harm it would do, if it calms her down.

As for the funeral home, I'd lie about that too, and tell her the funeral's going to be where she wants it. What was the name of the place again? Oh, right. Corpses R Us. Don't worry, it's all taken care of.

I vote for re-directing first, as in, "Look! It's almost lunchtime! How about a nice grilled cheese sandwich and a cup of tomato soup?" If that doesn't work, lie.
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