How do I deal with siblings not providing support?

And we are thankful to you, Kim. Our condolences. There's an emptiness when reality hits and we realize that they are really gone, but there's a relief for most of us, as the suffering and hardship are over. Your healing will take time, but you can be peaceful knowing you did what you could. Please stay with us as long as you want. We can always use your insight.

Blessings,
Carol

Thank you. You are so right, I did the caregiving for both of our parents, and I have memories that will never be taken away from me. You really don't realize that until they both pass away, and those who grieve the most are the ones who didn't have any time to help out. We have become a busy society and most think of only themselves and they forget where they came from, and who raised them, they don't realize this is a passage for the adult children. Keep in mind that you will walk away with a sense of peace knowing you did all you could to make them comfortable, and give them the unconditional love they gave us when we came into their lives. I wish to remain a member since I lost my father 2 weeks ago, cause I am still healing, and many have brought a sense of family on this website and for that I am very thankful. Kim

You have a lot of company. You can try to divide up the care, letting everyone know their part. But if they don't come through, there isn't a lot you can do. One thing I've seen repeatedly, is that the adult children who don't help out have more "grief," when the elders die. I believe it's then that they wish they'd been around. The one doing the hands-on caregiving knows that they did what they could. So there is peace.
Carol

IM IN THE SAME PLACE YOU ARE, TAKING CARE OF MY MOM ALONE WITH2 OLDER SISTERS THAT BOTH MOVED AWAY BECAUSE THEY WANTED NO PART OF IT ALL. TODAY WHEN I WAS AT MY MOMS APARTMENT I SAW A CARD FROM MY OLDEST SISTER TO MY MOM. A BIG FLOWER ON THE FRONT AND IT READ "THINK ABOUT YOU EVERYDAY" HOW SWEET IS THAT. ALMOST MADE ME SICK. SO I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL AND HOW MAD IT CAN MAKE YOU

TRACY

Amen.

Kearly, I wish I could tell you the experience you've had is not the norm. Sadly, it's all too common. Topaz it right- let it go. You can only control what you can control. As much as you'd like to change the way another acts or feels, you simply can't do it. If others don't wish to help, you can't force them. The stress it creates literally can make you sick. It saddens me to hear how your younger brother treated you and I understand how you feel used up and tossed out. The best you can do for you and your husband is to simply forgive your siblings. Any anger you feel will not affect them in the slightest. They don't care. So why let the anger burn inside of you? To what end?

Hold on to the good memories you have of your dad and mom. Let your heart rest knowing the good you have done. It sounds like you have a good relationship with your husband. Nurture it. Bask in it. Let that love heal your wounds and carry you into tomorrow. Your parents were blessed to have someone like you be there for them. Service like that helps you get fitted for angel wings. Can't say that about your siblings, though, can we?

Thank you for your words of wisdom, since I found this site and posted, my Dad has passed away, now I am faced with those who didn't help are crying the loudest, and making the mourning process so difficult. I was told to leave the apartment where my Dad had resided the locks were changed that day by my youngest brother, and today they let me go in and pick up my belongings. I am know back home with my loving husband, but the pain is so deep, I have screamed and yelled and picked arguments with the other sibilings, I feel like I have been used and spit out. I do thank God for the time my Dad and I had together, but it just hurts so much, I have never in my life felt so alone. It am at a loss for words that family can be so hateful and hurtfull, and so ungreatfull. Since I lost my Mom back in 2003 and again I was her caregiver, and the same thing happened, but at least my Dad was there for moral support, but now that my Dad is gone, I just have me and my husband, and I am thankful for that. Thanks.

I stopped working to care for my mother. One likes to think that siblings are going to be willing to help. Some do. I wasn't that lucky. I guess they belived there was a money tree in the back yard. I am lucky if they call. I have hinted at first then yelled nothing. The stress of dealing with them made me sick. Did anyone care nope. They continued on with there lives. Now if I got sick who would care for my mom? So I let it go. What I have learned is that you can not make someone do what they are not willing to do. Apply for grants to help pay for things. I don't mention it anymore. Me and my mother are happy. And in the long run all I care about is that my mother is happy and safe. Take care of yourself and your mother.
For breaks apply for respite grants. That way you can have time for yourself. Just don't fight over it.

Hello,
I too am going through the same thing with my sibilings, I have asked for help, and been paying out of pocket for expenses for my Dad. I have 3 adult sibilings, who live less than a mile from our Dad, I live 30 miles away and have been residing with my Dad since he was released from the hospital August 22 of 2008. My sibilings don't even stop by to assist me with a thing, I have even asked for a couple nights off to spend sometime at home with my husband, but all I hear is we have plans, it has caused so much tension with my sibilings that if I do see them it becomes a shouting match. I wish I has some answers for you, but like me, I am at a lost for a solution. Hopefully someone on this website will give some insight to this. Good luck to you.