How do I deal with siblings not providing support?

Wow, that's really awful. I take care of my mom, and my oldest brother does try and come and see her and take her to dinner or an appt. but my other brother has not been well but he just doesn't get the whole "care" thing, and my sister is in California, but 90% falls on me. So, after reading your situation, I feel a lot luckier. I'm sorry that you had to go through that but feel good that you did the right thing and your best.

thank you i guess i shouldn't whine about the whole thing but it is just so hard sometimes very stressful you know. well iam sure allof you know..... thanks

DEONNA:

Make a list of ALL the expenses, down to every penny and roll of toilet paper, sit down with both of them again and go over it. The goal is to persuade, not lay a guilt trip on them. (Actually, you'd be doing both at the same time.) To really drive it home, try reenacting one of those Feed the Children commercials "for the cost of one cup of coffee a day you can provide for ..." If that doesn't work, take a copy of the list (preferably typewritten) to social services (public assistance) to see if you get an allowance large enough to cover most of the expenses. If there are churches nearby, hit all of them too. You'd be amazed to see how altruistic people can be, especially if their actions pave the way to Heaven and eternal life.

Good luck my friend, and keep us posted.

-- ED

thank you so much all of you for the advice i will try them all and see if it works
:)

i really don't know what to do anymore... my siblings are so selfish and they wont step in and help with anything. i fought with them i' v e tried talking to them and nothing works i have so much on my plate they never help but yet they can sit there and point the finger at me and tell me i'am not doing a good enough job even though my dad says i'am ... and now it's causing problems in my relationship because of all my time is with my dad cause i don't get help from anyone...me and my boyfriend of 5 years are on the verge of breaking up, me and my siblings cant even be around each other without fighting i have no one to talk and i don't know what to do anymore..?? :( i really don't want to throw my dad in a nursing home it would kill him but i'am running out of options and have no solutions can anyone give me some advice ?????

Hello Christen, your story was so similar to mine. I will say my siblings were the same, I would ask for help, I get "already had plans", "Not tonight really busy".. Now that I provided care for my Mom for a year and a half, my Dad for 3 months before they passed, I have something that non of the siblings will ever take away from me is memories, even though my battery was never fully charged, I plugged along, cause I knew my parents appreciated what I was doing. Is there any place in your area that can help you with down time... I remember those days when you almost think your loosing your mind...your boyfriend must be getting frustrated, cause he knows their are other family members who could be doing the same thing your doing...your in my prayers....

revenge is mine sayth the lord[

DEONNA:

Have you applied for public assistance (SSI, etc.)? If not, you should. Unfortunately, the only thing you can do with your siblings is appeal to their sense of morality when it comes to pitching in financially. And since you assumed the responsibility of caring for your mother 10 years ago, they don't feel obligated to do anything since you seem to be taking care of everything.

One of the hardest things to do is ask for help. But when it comes to the woman who bore you there shouldn't be a mountain too high to keep you from providing for her. Go to Social Services, Social Security, church, whatever you have to do.

Do it for love, and try not to resent your sibs for not stepping up to the plate. If they have any conscience and realize how important family is, they'll come around ... eventually.

My siblings do the same thing except they no longer speak to me and barely speak to my mother. I am the sole overseer of my mother's affairs and have been for the last 3 years when my dad died. Before then, I took care of alot of stuff for them since 2003 when my mom had her first debilitating stroke. Yes, it is important to take care of mother, however you have to take care of yourself single or not. It always seems to be that way. One sibling does it all and it is usually the one that is the busiest. When my mother first got sick I had a 2 yr old, 5 yr old, 13 yr old all girls and work full time. The hardest for me is trying to juggle everything. Go to counseling. It helps alot. I get bitter and angry sometimes for most all of my kids lives I have had to take care of sick parents. I have missed firsts of several things. But there is no one else. It is hard and stressful overseeing everything and making the decisions on my own. Counseling really does help to put things in perspective. Contact a respite care, senior companion services to give yourself a break. You need breaks. Hope this helps! : )