Follow
Share

When wife and I got married, she graciously let us live with her while we saved for a place of our own. about 2 years ago she decides she can no longer afford the upkeep and mortgage payment, so she offers us the house. After carefully thinking about it, we humbly take the offer. the paperwork is finalized, and it is officially our home. She is 70, so it is decorated in the "old lady" style. Now that we plan to decorate it our way, improve certain areas, she gets in the way and makes it known that she is not happy. Makes us feel so uncomfortable making any changes or decorating a certain way. We feel like we are renting even though we are paying all the bills. She thrives on having control of situations and people. But if she was gonna be this way, she should have told us this from the beginning, and we never would have accepted to take over the house. Feeling ripped off. How do we deal with this?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
The time is NOW! Set her straight! It is Your home, and she can decorate HER BEDROOM, any way she wants! Refer her to the mortgage paperwork! Take control or Lose control, your choice!
Helpful Answer (12)
Report

Power hungry… thrives on having control…

The woman isn't happy seeing her home transformed before her very eyes. Did you expect her to like it?

Since you own it, you can sell it. Find alternative accommodation for MIL, and you and your wife move on. If you're already feeling like this after only a couple of years I really do recommend you do that anyway. Things are not going to get better.
Helpful Answer (10)
Report

Midkid58 - it definitely does feel as if she won in this deal. Like you said, no more money worries for her, and the two of us to take care of her. We will have to be gentle about this.
Guestshopadmin- our names are on everything. All the paperwork is in our name now.
Nydaughterinlaw/rainmom- I can see where both of you are coming from. I talked to my wife yesterday and we decide to start including her with the little decisions. For example, the tile flooring in the living room has bubbled up and a lot of it is now cracked. She wants us to find similar tiles, but the current ones are very 80's and we have not found anything similar. So we decide to install nice hardwood flooring. We're gonna bring home samples, and ask which one she likes best. But we're only bringing home samples that we like, so regardless of which one she picks, it will work out our way. I think we're gonna have make her think that she still has control. Thank you both very much for the advise. Now the kitchen is a different story.
Helpful Answer (7)
Report

You move out. Would you let her re-decorate your house? I don't think so. You fell for the carrot-on-a-stick move. Classic Geriatric Theatre.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

I guess it was pretty naive of us. I mean you would think since we're the ones paying the mortgage now, that we'd get to put our touch on the house. Pretty frustrating to say the least. I mean I guess since my mentality is if I was in her position, I'd understand that by me not paying for the mortgage anymore, I'm relinquishing control over decor, etc. But then again I'm no a control hungry person.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

Oh, my.
My parents offered to sell us the "family home" many years ago. The home my daddy built and I did want it. HOWEVER, one enormous stipulation: I was not going to be allowed to make ANY changes. Seriously? We could have had a house twice the size of our current one (and with 5 kids, that would have been great!) but I wasn't allowed to PAINT? Change the nasty 30 yo carpet? We declined. I wasn't ready for the drama.
You may have gotten a great house at a great price, but you are paying a great price. You are really going to have to tiptoe around this. Esp if Mom is still living there. I imagine, in her eyes, she now has it both ways: Her lovely home, decorated in her style and no "money worries" AND two young, healthy people to take care of her. Perfect. I think some people have given you great advice and I wish you good luck.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

And then again you haven't got to the point in life where you've devoted many decades to getting your home just how you like it, either.

Seriously, think ahead. Are you and your wife talking to each other (leave MIL for later!) about MIL's future care?
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Sorry. Keep forgetting to answer that question. Basically we originally ended up simply taking over the existing loan, and transferring everything over to our names. there was about 12 years left on the mortgage, but we ended up pulling out money to buy out my brother in law (MIL wish) and at the same time for the home repairs that I mentioned earlier. Even then after pulling out money, our monthly mortgage payment/rates are a good one, so no complaints there. I know we could have sold it and start fresh somewhere else, and take MIL with us, but we wanted to stay there because the house does have so much potential. Plus we wanted to keep it for the sentimental value that it has to my MIL.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

This is an interesting thread. My mom and I have DRASTICALLY different decorating styles. She prefers Laura Ashley Roses and that style makes me gag. I have never hidden my tastes from her. The other day she was looking at her rose print sofa saying...when we die you can bring that to your house and get rid of the one you have. I looked at her and laughed and said...for what, out in the garden for the dogs? My brown microfiber dual recliner is so much nicer lol. She rolled her eyes. She thinks my taste will magically change to hers haha. Never gonna happen. I can't take over their place as they live in one of those old age condo things which will be sold per contract on their departure...which is fine with me. Holy old lady style! Even my poor dad's room has flowers all over it.

If I was able to buy their house my mom knows the first thing I would do is heave-ho the roses. I say to you...decorate any way you want. It's your house and you shouldn't have to wait decades to enjoy it.

Angel
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

In my opinion including your MIL in the redecorating decisions is only going to reinforce MIL's controlling behavior. If my husband were to ask his mother whether we should get a couch in green or beige I think I'd look at him like he had grown another head. You are married to your wife and there's no room for another woman. And it sounds to me like you have plenty to declutter before you can even contemplate your own decor.

I think you're putting the cart (decorating) before the horse (decluttering) and I've been down that road with my inlaws when we moved them into independent living. Everything had a memory...they wanted all their stuff...they freaked out when I recycled magazines from 10 years ago that were still in the plastic wrap. Would you like to guess how many soy sauce packets I found in their kitchen drawers? But we had to push through and get them ready to move because they could no longer live alone. So to echo Countrymouse - what are you and your wife going to do about MIL's future care?
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

See All Answers
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.