How do you deal with an overbearing paid caregiver?

Fire the current caregiver and sign on with a caregiver agency or independent caregiver with past experience, references and a notarized contractual agreement.

Is this person with an agency? I'm a nurse who works through an agency and while I know some people prefer to work independently an agency provides a great professional buffer between me and the patient (and the family). I know going in what the situation is because my director of nursing has already been the house, talked with the family and decided what needs to be done during my shifts. I not only have my agency to answer to but my patient and the family. It's a much more professional environment, I think, with an agency. With someone who's independent you become the boss and on top of everything the family has to go through caring for an ailing and/or aging elder all of a sudden they become employers and that's a lot of responsibility. Especially when you get someone who has their own way of doing things or is otherwise disagreeable. Then you just have a bad situation. As the employer, if you're not satisfied with the work you have to fire the person. Families have enough stress as it is without have to wear The Boss hat.

That's not how I do things. I'm there to make things easier for the family and to give excellent care to their family member. If Dad is used to being cleaned up and dressed in the bathroom as opposed to the bedroom then that's what we'll do. It's all about the patient's routine, making sure they're taken care of and establishing trust with the family. I learned skills in nursing school, basic ways of doing things, but that's not what's always best for a particular patient or the family. I have to be flexible and understand that everyone has their own ways of doing things. It might be my way to administer meds with thickened water but the patient may prefer to take their meds with pudding. Who am I to say, "That's not how you do it!"

Obviously I'm pro-agency. Going through an agency protects everyone and if someone isn't happy (me or the patient or the family) it can be worked out while avoiding an uncomfortable situation.

As the employer, create a handbook. It doesn't have to be fancy but it's a training manual on how you want things done. Create another document that includes what you expect from this person. Hours, what's the pay period, days off, that kind of thing. Who comes in if this person gets sick? Are you stuck without a caregiver in that situation? You're paying this person to care for your family member. You have certain expectations. Make sure she knows what these expectations are so there's no misunderstanding. If she's stepped out of line you need to get her back into line or find someone else who will take care of your loved one the way that works best for your family. She is an employee. How many employee's go to a job and start telling the boss how she's going to do things? She's not a guest in your home, she's on the job in your home. Make sure she's clear on what her duties are and aren't. If she can't conform to the way you do things get rid of her. Then go through an agency.

This person has a lot of nerve. You aren't paying this caregiver to give YOU orders. She/he wouldn't last one day with me. Start looking for someone else who isn't on an ego trip. One who will bring harmony to your home, abide by your wishes and spend time required for the patient not thinking up ways to rule the roost.

I am a paid caregiver and do not work thru an agency... I take issue with "a lot of these private caretakers are nothing more than 7/11 employees"..... my standard of care is high, I am committed to my charge and their families.... but sometimes we work for " 7/11 families".... as Eyerishlass stated, we go in and try to do as the family wants... we do not impose our training or ideas unless they ask . I have worked for families that will let their elder set in wet depends all day, or even pooped in depends, not give them enough liquid to drink, ect, and yet they will blow a gasket if I do something other than the way they do it.... enough of my own personal rant here!!!!

Fire the caregiver.... there are excellent caregivers that work with the families, take great care of your loved one.... and do not think they are in charge.... prayers for you to find someone you trust that will have their heart in the right place....

I would let her go and hire someone new. It can be a good idea if you hire someone new, to have them first work a week-end, or week or so, on a trial basis, that way if they do not work out after the trial period is over you are not committed to them, and do not have to hire them.

You were correct when you stated " It was my belief when you pay a caregiver you provide instructions and directions about the care. "
They can give suggestions, or make requests, but it sounds like she is giving orders and making demands. I would find someone else.

Is she with an agency? Did you discuss exactly what you want and how you want it? Are you being fair to her? Many questions. I think much can be lost in noncommunication. You need to talk frankly and respectfully to her. Let her know maybe things got off to a bad beginning. Then if she refuses to follow your instructions or does things that you did not agree to, by all means let her go.

Who hired the caretaker? If it is you, you can fire her. If patient is still in charge of own affairs have a talk with him and tell him you will let her go if he couldn't.

I agree with ladee with this one..we have found an angel with a halo for our dad's caretaker. She is a retired RN and VERY flexible. She gets upset with my mom sometimes because mom will make decisions she doesn't agree with but mom is the final say. We had a "bully" before and are very grateful for all our angel does for dad. She will call me if she thinks mom has made a decision that she has a problem with and I can usually "suggest" to my mom to do her angel's way. However, I have just as often explained to angel why my mom is so set in her decision and she has respected the final solution.

We were fortunate to find this private angel so soon but I know people that have been through many before finding just the right one. Best of luck

I guess my story is unique. I move in with an elderly gentleman over 6 going on 7 years ago. After doing agency work for 12 years, I saw families struggling to pay for their love ones care. Looking back, there are times I wishes I had stayed with ageny because now I make $300.00 a month for all these years. I have no other income right now and he needs more assistance than ever. Personally I think u have spoiled your caregiver and I wish IT worked for generous families like yourself. There has to be a balance in terms of compensation for quality care. That's what I have been trying to provide with little compensation or thanks. I have worked for a variety of families with the agency or without. Somehow I always get stiffed. It is encouraging to know that there are good people left who are willing to pay well for services rendered. Since then my agency has since gone out of business because of greed. Try a compromise or give someone else a try. Still good people out there looking work. soon it could be me.

We were paying 10 grand a month ( 24 around the clock in home care) at one time in 2012 for my Daddy ( a Doctor himself for 31 years) and he managed to overdose on their watch. The care giver for that 72 hour period got out of my parents home so quickly , when what she should have done was follow her patient ( my Daddy ) to the E.R. Needless to say he was in a coma for 4 days but did wake up. When you are paying its , Your way or the highway. A lot of these private caretakers are nothing more than 7/11 employees. Yes we did use a agency. But remember the agency is making the bulk of the money and the caregivers are only making between 10 to 14 dollars per hour. I did not want to pay them what was due (why would I ) but Daddy would never not pay , so we did. When people our in my home or my parents home I run the ship NOT THEM! He has since passed and now I have my Mummy in a group home , she came down with ALZ , 6 months after Daddy's passing. I feel as though I lost both my parents in less than 1 years time.