You ask them how they are ‘you know the same just frustrated.' I just sit around. I posted about this earlier but my FIL is complaining about being at assisted living and how everyone there is old. He is just all depressed and then today he is saying how wonderful it is. So as my other post was about how I was worried about depression What do you all do when you really don’t know how they feel? I probably should have added this to my last question. I just don’t know and then someone said what about a therapist. He is not even going to remember talking to someone. Is this more of the brain damage declining or is it dementia. I hope this isn’t a stupid question, I have never been around anyone with dementia or Alzheimer’s. Again sorry if this sounds stupid.

Think of a teenager. They are so excited one minute and then something happens and it’s the end of the world. Nothing much has really changed its just that their emotions are doing a number on them.

Give him a hug and try to change the subject on the blue days. If it doesn’t work, check the things you usually do when you are visiting and tell him you will see him on the next visit.

Choose to spend more time on happier days.

You have little control over his moods but total control on how you let others affect yours.

Remember that it sometimes helps to have a place to vent and that may be what he’s doing with you. You’ll have to decide if you can give him five or ten minutes to get it all out and then move on.

So just have a plan before going in to see him so you don’t leave feeling bad. I always tried to make my mom smile if she was down. That was my reward. And I was always glad I made the effort but I wasn’t always successful.

Big Hugs.
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Reply to 97yroldmom

Thank you all
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Reply to Staffbull18

Just do pick it up. It isn't your luggage to lug around with all the other luggage in your life. Yes, there are days he isn't happy, it isn't a good day. Same here and I am not in Assisted Living. Train him, so that the more negativity you get the less time you spend on the phone. The more positivity you get the longer you stay on the phone. And stop feeling responsible for his "happiness". Not everything in life is good and happy and certain the end of our days is not. Not everything can be fixed. Some things are about loss, and the long slow slide, and the negativity should be met with "I am so sorry things aren't good today. I hope that they get better". If you notice, even people without mood swings have swings in depression versus a decent day. It's OK. I mean, it ISN'T Ok. But it is the truth of life.
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Reply to AlvaDeer

The elderly seem to change their minds continuously. One minute they're sad and depressed, complaining about everything, and the next minute they're fine and dandy. It's a real roller coaster ride, especially when dementia is involved. My mother, with moderate dementia, is literally lucid one minute and making NO sense whatsoever the next. If your FIL has brain damage or dementia or both, you're likely to witness all sorts of odd and erratic behavior, it goes with the territory. The take away from all this is for you to disengage........just let him feel whatever he's feeling without you feeling the need to fix it. We're fixers by nature, but this type of thing is not fixable. If you notice a constant trend of sad and withdrawn behavior, mention it to his doctor who may consider an anti depressant. If the moods just come and go, try to let it go and not dwell on it. I tend to let my mother's moods affect ME, and have to constantly remind myself to let it go.
Best of luck!
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Reply to lealonnie1

My mom was on,last legs of cognitive when placed in memory care. And she hated it.

The wheelchair brigade is scary. To them. To you. They see their future. You see it too. No wonder it is depressing.
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Reply to Segoline

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