I have full medical and financial POA. My father has lived like a zombie for 3 years, doing and saying next to nothing in his recliner. He can still walk and only has occasional incontinence. He has bad cataracts and glaucoma. I finally got him to doctors, took his vehicle keys, hired people to clean him (he hadn't used soap or shampoo in 3 years and only changed clothes when he pooped in them), and confirmed a diagnosis of frontotemporal dementia presentation but most likely atypical frontal Alzheimer's. The house is 39 years old and falling apart. I'm getting estimates for some repairs. He shows no interest in getting involved with that. I've been doing all his mail and finances for more than two years because he wouldn't. One thing I haven't done is try to be the one (not him) to pull money from his IRA and deposit in to checking. His cleaning care is about $1000 a month, and that will go up when I need someone there more often (when he starts falling, becomes more incontinent, etc.). A bathroom renovation is likely to be over $20,000 (first estimate was $40,000 if you can believe that). The bathroom is covered in mold, leaking shower, holes in the floor and walls, etc. I want to make it safe for him (elevated toilet, grab bars, shower seat, etc). My brother, who married and moved out 19 years ago, thinks spending any of my father's money is horrible, that it must be saved (most likely so he and his wife from h*ll can inherit half of it). So, my question is this. When I have estimators in, my father asks nothing but last time, he did ask "How much?" I didn't tell him because his brain is still 30 years back so any amount is too much. How do I hide/lie to him and get money from his IRA without him knowing and not feel like a criminal? They will write a check out to him. What do I tell him? What do I tell my brother so he doesn't hate me? I am 100% alone. My father replies to most questions (after I ask them multiple times) with "no" like a toddler. In fact, when I stated someone was going to clean him Tuesday, I didn't even ask a question, and he said "no!" But, he soon forgets.