How to deal with my mom's dementia, aphasia and lack of mobility?

I think your mom would be better cared for in a facility with three shifts of young, rested, trained caregivers.

My mom is in exactly the same shape as your mom; wheelchair bpund, almost completely aphasic from a stroke and dependent on other for bathing, dressing, getting her to the bathroom. However, at her NH, there are card parties, music sessions and Bible Study. And people to watch!

The nurses at the facility are much, much better than i at determining what mom wants.

Please, start looking, apply for Medicaid if that's what it takes to pay for it. Your children and husband deserve to have your care and attention. You deserve your mental and physical health. And your mother needs and deserves more care than one person can give.

Dogmother, was your mother living with your sister until your sister sadly passed away? Does that not give you pause?

How would your husband and children cope without you? Come to that, what would happen to your mother if - God forbid - anything untoward happened to you?

Loving your mother and providing the best possible care for her does not have to mean doing it all yourself. Given the level of her needs, I urge you to find a good, cheerful facility for her where you can see her often. You MUST take care of yourself or it's going to end in disaster for everyone.

Dogmother, you sound close to burnout. Investigate ways to give yourself some relief from being on call for your mom 24/7, paid aides who can stay with mom during family times or even having her in a facility for a respite stay.

We had to put my wife father and mother is assisted living, they did not want to move from their hometown, there was an excellent facility there. My wife's mother has dementia, her husband was still sharp at age 93 and took care of her. He died this week, and surprisingly dementia worked in our favor. We expect her to become hysterical but she took it well. So far the assisted living facility has been great. MY wife has to do all the banking, necessary paperwork and follows through on every issue.
You are burned out, ask for assistance there many homecare experts that can help you deal with her. My next door neighbor is a home care specialist and she understands people's needs.
Have you contacted medicare to see what available to you? You are not giving up on her, but you have to be strong. I know how hard it is, my mother required assistance up until 5 days before her death, luckily I have five siblings who could give each other breaks. She was very difficult to deal with.

Thanks for all the encouragement, friends. Sometimes it just feels lonely but y'all made me feel like I'm not alone. Skyhigh, sorry to hear about your father-in-law. Churchmouse, yes Mom was living with my sister. But at that time she could still walk, get dressed, bathe and even do some small household chores. She was much closer to my sister and has gotten progressively worse since her death. She always calls me by her name but I've learned (most of the time) to not let that bother me. Perhaps it is time to get help in home. Thanks again, caregiver compatriots, for your words and concern!☺

I am very sorry about the loss of your sister. I agree with the suggestions above. Single handedly taking care of a person who is totally dependent on having all things done for them in the home is not realistic. I'd also be concerned how this is effecting your children.

Bringing in outside help is great, but the cost of having around the clock in home assistance is quite expensive. Have you explored what services your mom might qualify for? I would explore that.

I'd also discuss her crying with her doctor to see if she is depressed or in having pain that she can't verbalize.