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dodgeca Asked January 2015
How do you deal with guilt when you blow up over things they can't help?
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Today it was having to repeat, again, what I say 3 times because he won't wear hearing aids. I am a teacher of 6 th graders and normally have a lot of patience. It wasn't anything more than raising my voice louder than I should but devastated me. He's already forgot about it because of t dementia. I'm the one that can't get past this.
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neverland Jan 2015
Give yourself a break. You are only human and we not perfect. ((hugs))
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AmyGrace Jan 2015
Don't beat yourself up because everyone has their limits. Mom is horribly deaf and has dementia. I have to repeat everything on the top of my lungs over and over because she can't remember longer than 5 minutes. At the end of the visit I'm almost shaking and royally angry - at her and myself. Then I remembered something I learned in psych class long ago. The very act of being stimulated by physical effort (like loud shouting) etc raises blood pressure, gets a person excited. Some of your reaction you can't help - its physical response. My husband won't get hearing aids either although he has known for the past 4 years. I get really really angry having to repeat myself to him - and no, I don't feel guilty about that. He is the one creating the difficulty for me - putting me in the position of having to speak loudly, repeat myself, getting irritated by the tv I don't need that loud and having to translate what others say because he can't understand them. Not my fault. I wish I didn't get angry, but I am not the one creating the difficulty so I don't feel guilty if I shout louder than I have to sometimes. Its not fair.
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JessieBelle Jan 2015
AmyGrace, I agree with you that having to speak loudly makes us feel aggressive. Sometimes I feel like I'm yelling over the TV. It does sound like I'm mad, even when I'm not. I'm sure it raises my bp. I know it makes me feel irritable to say things louder and louder.
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JessieBelle Jan 2015
I know what you mean. I got snarky with my mother last night when she was telling me a story. I said she had already told me 500 times. It hurt her feelings and I felt terrible for being so ugly. I just snapped in the moment. All we can do is forgive ourselves and try not to let it happen again. We are tolerating a lot with things like hearing problems and memory issues, but it doesn't give us the right to be ugly with them. I wish that it never happens, because it feels bad to everyone when it does.
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